Real Housewives of NYC Recap: Lost Footage, Leggage, Luggage, Baggage…

Recaps

By BelowSeaLevel | Thursday, October 25, 2012 | 12:30 am | 9 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Real Housewives of NYC, Recaps

Lucky us!  Over in the corner, kicking aside discarded Skweez Couture and broken dreams, Bravo has clawed through the stinky litter box they call the Bravo vaults for these never-before-seen droppings, I mean, lost footage.  Let’s enjoy!

Madame Palindrome invites Carole, Ramona, and Sonja to her Spinning fundraiser.  We know that neither Ramona nor Sonja showed up for the event, and it’s apparent that they were never interested in attending.  Poor Ramona Grigio threw out her back biking.  Sonja can’t stand those carpeted floors because they create the nastiest carpet burns when you need to hop off of the bike mid-class for a quickie.

As you recall, the event raises money to help children get prosthetics.  Aviva breaks the news to Ramona that she’s missing a leg.  No clue where it went…left in a rental car… Salvation Army donation bucket…chewed by rats while she slept–it’s missing.

Who would leave a perfectly good hand lying around like this?

 

Ramona’s got lots of questions about prosthetic legs.  How do you wear shoes?  Are feet part of it?  Do they taste like chicken?  Poor Ramona’s not ready for all of this.  Ramona wants to know how Aviva avoids sleeping with men because Ramona intentionally avoids shaving her legs to kill a boner.  How does Aviva compensate for her hair growing insufficiency?

We get to see Cool Cat Carole all downtown chic, chilling with the the mail guy.  He does seem like a sweet guy as he chats with her and helps her put on a bracelet.  This feels genuine.  I only wish he would hide the deliveries from Fingerless-Gloves-R-Us. 

He seems like a sweetheart.

 

Sonja gets together for lunch with Richard, a friend that has very strong interests in her gardening skills.  She’s thinking afternoon delight and he’s talking about how beautiful their babies would be.  

Let’s go make some babies…when you get back from the bathroom.

 

Richard is adored by Sonja’s daughter, plus he’s got good teeth, it’s just the snoring and trying to feed her that he needs to work on. 

          Richard:  I love you.

          Sonja:  I know you do.  Now, I’m going to go to the restroom to shit in my pants.

With passion and bowels like that, their love is bound to last.

Andy asks Carole a viewer question:  Would she rather take the Hornysaurus up on his offer of a squirting orgasm or be the fourth housewife to sleep with Harry.  Ugh!  It sounded like Aviva whispered to Carole to take her dad.  Ugh!  Why, Bravo?  C’mon. 

Carole never answers, so Sonja calls out Heather for saying Harry told her he slept with Sonja and Lu (she loves it when you call her that).  Before Heather can answer, Aviva jumps in that she was married to Harry and he is the father of her son, so SHE is THE Harry authority.

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Living in New Orleans, it helps to be a good swimmer.  

 

 

 

9 Comments

  1. 1
    hot cawfee
    Posted October 25, 2012 at 7:27 am

    Thanks BSL– champers and cupcakes to ya!!!! My Lord–I had to step away and not watch this lost footage montage–but now I can go in safely-no surprises!!!!!!

  2. 2
    roger o thornhill
    Posted October 25, 2012 at 7:39 am

    I died reading this. I think my favorite moment is the seemingly non-sequitor image of Heather at the bottom of page 2. Also, have I missed something or is Madame Palindrome a new nickname for Vivs? Brilliant!

    I’m not a frequent commenter.. however, I obsessively check for new recaps and comments every 5 minutes at work daily. Hats off to you BSL!

  3. 3
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted October 25, 2012 at 7:47 am

    @BelowSeaLevel We got opposite thoughts from some of the droppings. Partly because of my theory that looking too staged is how stuff gets put in the litter box in the 1st place. And partly because of you being a poet. So your heart’s not as jaded.

    I thought Carole’s mail scene couldn’t be any faker. We’re supposed to think she goes to the store downstairs just like a regular person. Because she’s so down to earth. Even though she’s a Princess so her mail’s diamonds.

    But I was suspicious she found out about his heart flutter while they were getting set up to shoot.

    Who’d ask an older person to put on a bracelet like that? People quit being able to see jewelry findings way before they get old! Plus when she kissed him, you could tell that’s not something that happens.

    Does anybody know if LuAnn got her kids as a wedding present?

    Because my new alter ego Krumtre Mitzentongs that doesn’t even try to be polite kept pulling my chin like she was Teresa and I was Kathy. Asking me did I see a scrap of anything but Europe in their face.

    I couldn’t see much of anything but old Count Fart. But I kept that to myself. And reminded Krumtre of the Mendel’s Law of Forrest Gump. You never know what you’re going to get.

    Then my other alter ego Preachy McJudgington got all prissy. And said nobody as mixed as us ought to even be thinking about stuff like that. And if LuAnn self identifies as NDN we have to respect it.

    I left them to fuss without me. Because the new Watch What Crappens was up. And ended up ROFLMAO with kleenex in my eyes! Listening to @Flipit doing a dramatic re enactment of LuAnn’s business meeting.

    We’re so fucking lucky! When we get old we’ll be able to tell people that @BelowSeaLevel and @Flipit were our internet friends. Back when they used to be only semi famous. And our relatives will roll their eyes. And say some patronizing shit. But we’ll know.

    Oh and here’s a link. If anybody wants to click my Facebook head.

  4. 4
    featherhead
    Posted October 25, 2012 at 11:35 am

    Lu’s (she loves it when I call her that) kids better learn to eat faster, Lu doesn’t have time to spend chit chatting with those two dependents, where the hell is the housekeeper when you need her?

  5. 5
    tvsnarkeling
    Posted October 25, 2012 at 2:44 pm

    The season is finally over. Thank you baby Jesus!!(oops that was the other show). Thanks for the reviews. BS-l. It was a fun ride.

    Who the H is Richard??? Is he a guy that wanted to be on tv so he bought lunch for SonJa (like she did with her plumber). It was kind of gross since he “loved” her and we never saw him during the season.

    Next season they should get rid of LuAnn (the Countess). Boring. No story line. The scene with the her launching a line was terrible. She expected them to come up with items and she would approve and put her name on it. I really think this is what Ramona does with her wine and jewelry. I don’t and never will drink her wine (although I am on a second glass of chardonnay as I type).

    Love Heather. Loved her from the start. She seems like “she calls them as she see them” without worrying about upsetting a friendship.

    It is interesting how Jill and Alex will not go away. They keep showing up on my tv and computer. Ick!!

    SonJa’s toaster idea will be dead on arrival. (You heard it here first). Last week on a morning news show a famous cook was coming out with a toaster oven cookbook. Sonja had the idea for a cookbook last season but someone must of convinced her to make a toaster oven too. Too little, too expensive, too late. I like SonJa but her money woes is scarry. Maybe she should call the Teresa and Joe and find out how they manage to keep their house yet owe soo much money.

  6. 6
    Too-Old-To-Care
    Posted October 26, 2012 at 2:11 am

    Has anyone else noticed that whenever Countesslu laughs, she immediately turns her head to the left or right? I can’t tell whether she’s looking for approval or agreement that someone else finds it funny, or if it’s a “royal” affectation that prevents you from laughing at someone right in their face.

    Watch for it in the reunion or re-runs, in case you don’t have a chance to watch her next season.

  7. 7
    reality
    Posted October 26, 2012 at 7:57 am

    @Tvsnarkeling–saw the toaster oven thing too! Was dying! Wonder how Sonja (oops, almost forgot the sexy j) felt. You shouldn’t keep talking about an idea, let other’s jump on it and beat you. Business 101. Wasn’t that Eric Ripert, I think. If fine seafood dining man can endorse home toaster cooking, Sonja really blew it.

    @BSL–great recap! One thing you didn’t mention that I thought was HILARIOUS, was Ramona pulling out her own wine glass out of her purse for Mary-O at the booksigning. How did that sucker not break? She should put out a line of travel wine glasses.

  8. 8
    Smarlo
    Posted October 26, 2012 at 10:50 am

    I loved the part where Sonja was helping Ramona pack for St Barths. you could totally see that they are just two nuts hanging out.

    I want to see more of that and less of the contrived set-upedness! (that should be a word)

  9. 9
    TV Junkie
    Posted October 27, 2012 at 6:58 am

    OMG your captions are all I need to read! Starting with ” Who would leave a good hand lying around” to digs about farm equ.
    Thanks BSL for the great reviews that had me LOL everytime I read!
    Now I won’t be able to rest until I find out if AVIVA gets kicked off the Island ..next season….
    Let’s keep Googling Reid & George to see what they are doing ..I love the article where george was on JDATE as a much younger man..he can no longer lie about his age..HA HA…that must be a real drawback..for him…

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