The Real Housewives of New York City Reunion is old school versus nOObies. Flanking Andy Cohen on one side is Heather, Carole, and Aviva. On the other side, there’s Ramona, Sonja, and LuAnn. Let’s get to it!
The reunion starts off with a Holla! Andy thinks Holla! is controversial for some reason, but Heather defends it as “organic” and positive. Now we know who’s been smokin’ with Carole. Lu has no idea what it means, so Sonja’s going to Google it. Where is there a rock large enough for these ladies to live under that they need to Google “white trash” and “Holla!”? C’mon, they at least have to have the Dish at their trailer.
Google “open a can of whoop ass” while you’re at it.
There’s some mention of this season’s cast shake up and new additions. It will be
infuriating interesting to see which of these ladies will return next season.
Seriously? You’re using a stork to deliver my contract?
Andy digs into the reasons Carole decided to join the franchise. She’s been talking about her best seller and new book all season, so you might want to start there, Andy. Every wife seems to be hawking something. Too bad Billy Mays is deceased, he’d be perfect hosting the reunions.
Are you looking for a wine to oxy clean your gut?
Carole goes on about how she has a voice in her head a lot and how pinching babies is her guilty pleasure. I wonder if that’s the paraquat talking? Another guilty pleasure must be lip injections, because her upper lip is so distracting. It’s like she asked for the Half Mama Elsa or something. What do you guys think Aviva’s guilty pleasure is? Pinching John Deere?
I drink it and then Bam! I’m oxy cleaned.
Time for a montage of scenes with the countess being the “one upper” and the “friend jumper”. Carole looked like she wanted to ring Lu’s neck more than a few times. The montage shows Lu getting on the princess’ last nerve, plus some digs the princess got in about the countess during the camera interviews. Of course, it’s all a joke, dahlink, isn’t it?
Let’s talk about your peace pipe, princess.
Lu doesn’t like talk-behind-your-back princesses like Carole. She much prefers pirate-f***ing royalty. Carole claims she was kidding about everything except the Native American stuff, but Lu says she was kidding about that. Ugh! Makes one want to send up some obscene smoke signals.
The royals are going to have to agree to disagree about the Naeem Khan dress incident. Lu
deludedly genuinely feels like she made a generous offer to wear one of the designer’s dresses for a magazine shoot, while Carole genuinely feels like Lu committed a moral sin by asking to borrow a designer dress from her friend. Sonja’s the voice of reason (Repent! The Apocalypse is near!) and steps in to say that if the designer didn’t want to loan the dress, he simply wouldn’t.
You talkin’ to me?