Swift is officially good and drunk as he slurs his words and has Ginger help him toward the boat. Ginger leaves him on the ground to go make sure the boat is ready and Marie comes over to sit with him. When he sees Latoya coming, he makes it a huge point to thank her for sitting with him. Latoya attempts to ask how he is and explain that she didn’t know how bad it was, but it’s a lost cause and Swift just continues to yell and blame her. Evidently the greatest offense is that she waited an entire hour to “own up to it.”
Remember when we were talking about how Swift had almost zero screentime? I don’t know about you guys, but after this episode I’m set for a little while.
The highlight is probably him screaming about how Ginger and Marie were there for him “from the GET!” As if they’re his childhood best friends who helped him through great ordeals. And Latoya, that asshole, waited a whole hour after being screamed at to properly assess the situation.
Latoya decides to join them in an attempt to prove her concern, and Marie says they can continue this conversation on the boat. Ginger doesn’t even throw Swift over his shoulder and instead just cradles him like a baby to get him to the boat. Swift spends the entire boat ride continuing to blame Latoya repeatedly, as if the entire thing is her fault.
And then he tries to walk up an incline on shore and promptly falls on his ass. He’s still bitching at Latoya and insists that Ginger be the one to help him up. Latoya decides to wait on the dock while Marie and Ginger take Swift to the doctor, since clearly her coming with them did nothing whatsoever to convince Swift that she wasn’t actually trying to personally stab him in the foot.
After a long, painful walk to the doctor, Swift even tries to blame Latoya when the doctor asks what happened. He slurs something about “not naming names” before Ginger interrupts with the only actually relevant information: Swift fell on some sea urchins. The best part is Swift trying to sound coherent and intelligent as he explains to the doctor that before any tests or medications are given, the doctor should know that he’s been drinking.
In case the medical professional on a tropical island was confused about what a drunk person looks like.
The doctor says someone needs to be sober enough to remember what he tells them. Marie insists she will, but Ginger seems the soberest so I trust that he’s got things under control.
Doc explains that the urchins aren’t poisonous, and it’s just calcium carbonate, which will be absorbed into Swift’s body as he walks. As Marie points out, he literally has to walk it out. The doctor offers some pain medication but specifies that it cannot be mixed with alcohol. Swift tells us that he’s learned his lesson, which is that sea urchins are not to be trifled with. “And when all else fails, blame it on Latoya,” he fails to add.
“This is what I get for not getting into an American medical school.”