Laura’s next move is to accuse Trey of watching her sleep and then ask about his phone chat. He tells her about Chelsea, but a little thing like that isn’t going to stop the freight train that is Laura’s seduction of Trey.
At some point there was chatter about dressing Trey up like a woman, and it seems that time has come. He gets a bra, leggings, a skirt, hair extensions, a hat, very sparkly blush, and a shitton of eye shadow, but he draws a sudden and very strict line at lipstick. Latoya declares his name to be “Big Shirley.”
The girls interview Big Shirley. She’s from North Dakota, likes a guy who can cook shrimp scampi and “pour” a bubble bath, and her signature dance involves hip swaying and booty popping. Just for the record, Latoya + Trey = fun. I wish they would spend more time together.
Out at the bar, everyone is having a great time. Even Laura seems to be talking to another guy! RedRobb and Marie both meet new people. RedRobb gets a kiss from his girl, who’s a bartender there, but Marie gets her (adorable) guy all the way back to the island.
This girl knows what she’s doing.
As Marie shows Max around the house, Laura and Trey grab their respective sidekicks to discuss their relationship, as you do. Trey doesn’t want her to stop coming on to him, just to slow it down a bit. Laura is “never a jealous person,” (always with the famous last words, this one), but is somehow very jealous over this person she’s known for three days and his thinly defined “girl back home.”
Max asks where he should sleep (seriously, this kid is adorable), and Marie of course offers her bed. Well, she doesn’t so much “offer” as “insist.” However, all we see is one short, grainy night vision kiss, so who knows what actually happened. The next morning, she puts him on a nice early boat so she can start bragging about how much game she has. And in case I didn’t mention it enough, the guy was cute and actually seemed nice, so good for her.
And we’re right back out at a club, this time in celebration of B.Swifty’s birthday. Laura and Trey are back to being joined at the hip, of course, but at one point he awesomely slips her the cheek when she tries to kiss him. She’s frustrated that the guy she’s known for three days will only make out with her some of the time.
“No fair! This never happens to Zooey Deschanel!”
Miraculously, even Brandon is once again having fun. Can’t wait to see how it all goes to shit this time. He runs into the same girl as the night before, and proceeds to bumpngrind and whatnot. His master plan is to bring her home and bang her so the other guys know he’s the best in the house, but he can’t say any of that without sounding horrifyingly awkward. Also, she could not look less interested in banging him.
Trey and Swift pull Brandon aside to make sure he knows that she’s kinda shady. Naturally, Brandon is insulted that they think he can’t get a hot girl and claims not to care. Latoya tells Swift to let it be, which is easy for her to say because she’s not the one he’ll be running to later. Brandon tries, and unsurprisingly fails, to get the largely uninterested girl to go home with him.
On the boat ride home, Brandon is insulted that the guys felt the need to approach him to point out that he can’t get a hot girl’s attention unless she’s playing him. Swift points out that Brandon made his excessive levels of sensitivity well known as soon as they moved in. Brandon declares himself black-hearted and soulless (seriously, he actually says these things) and says that if one of the other guys was going to bring her home, no one would have said anything.
“No dude, none of us would have even tried, because she was clearly a bitch. And if we did, we would have handled the rejection without crumbling to bits.”