Howdy, Gasmii! Our newest ep was chock-full of eye-opening revelations, wasn’t it? Let’s get right to it!
We open with Amber getting into her car for what we later learn was one of the last times. She’s going to spring herself on Lucy to discuss the birthday debacle. At Lucy’s, Amber sits down and immediately asks if she can take her shoes off. My response would be, unless you’re of Japanese ancestry, NO. Lucy says she’s glad Amber called. She’s not used to having a beef with someone, and says Amber’s behavior at the party was the “icing on the cake”. Nice party-themed analogy, although I suspect it was unintentional. Lucy tries to talk about how Amber makes her feel. She says that Amber is always making condescending remarks to her, and why did Amber even come to the party? Amber says it would have been rude of her not to go. No, it’s not rude to skip a party for someone you hate. It’s just common sense.
Take a minute to clean out the glove compartment. Cause you won’t have a car tomorrow.
Lucy goes on to say that Amber speaks to her “like I’m some ditsy, flaky, stupid sorority girl”. To be fair, Lucy, you are. However, Amber doesn’t have to point that out all the time. That’s a recapper’s job! As is her usual practice, Amber immediately gets offended and accuses Lucy of putting words in her mouth. Lucy says she’s talking about how Amber affects her. Amber says Lucy doesn’t let people talk, she interrupts them a lot, and she doesn’t listen. In other words, it’s all Lucy’s fault that Amber was mean to her. Is Amber my mother?
After that win-win convo, we go to Heifer’s house. Heifer is explaining to Ashley that Precious Bundle of Joy has an amber teething necklace, which has healing properties. Perhaps but I don’t think that gnawing on it does anything but get bits of gemstone down the kid’s throat. Heifer says Amanda is more reserved than Justin, which is good – now Heif can mold Ashley into what she wants.
We learn that PBJ’s socks are organized by color – like everyone else’s socks in the world, Heif – and that Heif makes all her own baby food. Kyri (Elaison, where I’m going will you follow?) comes in, and they watch Amanda change PBJ’s diaper. Because a visit to Heifer’s house isn’t complete without a breast milk discussion, Heif says that she feeds her milk to her dog(?!?), and then proceeds to take some of the milk (from a bottle, thankfully) and smear it into PBJ’s hair American Pie-style. At this point, I’m projectile vomiting. Heif finishes by giving Amanda another bottle of milk for Justin’s “future dog or baby”. Meanwhile, Kyri is pretty much just standing there, looking a tad wistful. What’s a matter, honey, don’t you get any?
Exhibit A in PBJ’s murder trial fifteen years hence.