According to Kim, since it’s 11-11-11, the universe is aligning for the wedding of the century. For everyone else, the universe is aligning for a huge pain in the ass. They have one of the cutest babies in existence and she brings two beautiful daughters to the union, so may their marriage be successful and prosper–untelevised.
It is sweet to see K.J. with his mom on her wedding day before she marries his daddy. Kim tells the camera that she’s been dreaming of this day and that getting married to Kroy feels right. Why does she bother? She already convinced the guy with the multi-million dollar football contract, so she’s good to spend.
Help! I’ve fallen and she won’t help me up.
Kroy requested that they not sleep together the night before their wedding, so Kim is in the bedroom waiting for someone else to wait on her hand and foot. Her kids. Brielle and Ariana bring their mom breakfast in bed. Kim could make a fortune if she charged people to let their kids stay with her for a month. She can call it Kim Kamp and the kids would be begging to return home to cut the grass and wash the car. You thought you had it bad at home? Well, how ya like me now?
Eating breakfast, Kim tells her kids that people keep asking to bring uninvited guests and that the honeymoon will be later, after football season. They spend a ridiculous amount of time talking about curling the girls’ hair, even calling to bug her new matron of honor about the curls while she’s desperately shopping for a dress last minute. They don’t give a shit about her having a dress, they need curly hair. Ominously, Kim says to the camera that nothing is going to ruin her day, not even Antonio, their landlord. Damn. I was sure straight hair was set to ruin the day.
Colin Cowie, the master of the perfectly aligned universe, is back! He has the best soundtrack! Someone at Bravo loves the shit out of this guy. His assistant, Alexis, not so much. Colin sees steak knives on the table. Alexis, you’re gonna pay for that, girlfriend. You know that isn’t placed until the entree is served. Oh, hell no! Then he sees the BBQ grill and trampoline are still there! Alexis!
Look, darling, I’m here. If I see just one steak knife on the table, there will be blood shed–yours.
While Kim’s getting her makeup applied, she says that Kroy cried all the way to work. Yeah, and every member of his family. Jen, her former matron of honor, shows up to help her best friend. She’s sent to get a pile of meds, Chardonnay, and a Solo cup with some ice. Classy!
Damn, she’s eating that cup with guacamole like it’s a chip.
During the drive from practice to the wedding, Coy asks Kroy if he is questioning anything, to which Kroy says he isn’t feeling anything but joy. Awww, good for Kroy. He feels the years ahead are going to be happy and successful. It’s awesome that he can find happiness in watching his bank account dwindle.
Oh wait, you forgot your balls in the trunk. Kim needs these for the wedding.
Shun arrives with the wedding jumpsuit. That thing should have been burned. Niki arrives to show off her dress but is told to shut up and start curling hair. Speaking of hair, Derek J. is there, too, poised to tackle the wedding wig. She’s worried about him waiting until her wedding day to trim it, but not worried enough to avoid pissing him off before he cuts it. Kim is annoyed to find out that Derek J. has been at Kandi Burruss’ home styling her hair instead of the bride’s. Oh snip!
I’m about to choke this bitch. Serenity now. Serenity now.