Recap Don’t Be Tardy for the Wedding: Do You Cake This Bride?

Recaps

By BelowSeaLevel | Saturday, June 9, 2012 | 4:35 pm | 11 Comments
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Posted in: Don't Be Tardy for the Wedding, Recaps

According to Kim, since it’s 11-11-11, the universe is aligning for the wedding of the century.  For everyone else, the universe is aligning for a huge pain in the ass.  They have one of the cutest babies in existence and she brings two beautiful daughters to the union, so may their marriage be successful and prosper–untelevised.

It is sweet to see K.J. with his mom on her wedding day before she marries his daddy.  Kim tells the camera that she’s been dreaming of this day and that getting married to Kroy feels right.  Why does she bother?  She already convinced the guy with the multi-million dollar football contract, so she’s good to spend.  

Help!  I’ve fallen and she won’t help me up.

 

Kroy requested that they not sleep together the night before their wedding, so Kim is in the bedroom waiting for someone else to wait on her hand and foot.  Her kids.  Brielle and Ariana bring their mom breakfast in bed.  Kim could make a fortune if she charged people to let their kids stay with her for a month.  She can call it Kim Kamp and the kids would be begging to return home to cut the grass and wash the car.  You thought you had it bad at home?  Well, how ya like me now?

Eating breakfast, Kim tells her kids that people keep asking to bring uninvited guests and that the honeymoon will be later, after football season.  They spend a ridiculous amount of time talking about curling the girls’ hair, even calling to bug her new matron of honor about the curls while she’s desperately shopping for a dress last minute.  They don’t give a shit about her having a dress, they need curly hair.  Ominously, Kim says to the camera that nothing is going to ruin her day, not even Antonio, their landlord.  Damn.  I was sure straight hair was set to ruin the day. 

Colin Cowie, the master of the perfectly aligned universe, is back!  He has the best soundtrack!  Someone at Bravo loves the shit out of this guy.  His assistant, Alexis, not so much.  Colin sees steak knives on the table.  Alexis, you’re gonna pay for that, girlfriend.  You know that isn’t placed until the entree is served.  Oh, hell no!  Then he sees the BBQ grill and trampoline are still there!  Alexis!

Look, darling, I’m here.  If I see just one steak knife on the table, there will be blood shed–yours.

 

While Kim’s getting her makeup applied, she says that Kroy cried all the way to work.  Yeah, and every member of his family.  Jen, her former matron of honor, shows up to help her best friend.  She’s sent to get a pile of meds, Chardonnay, and a Solo cup with some ice.  Classy! 

Damn, she’s eating that cup with guacamole like it’s a chip.

 

During the drive from practice to the wedding, Coy asks Kroy if he is questioning anything, to which Kroy says he isn’t feeling anything but joy.  Awww, good for Kroy.  He feels the years ahead are going to be happy and successful.  It’s awesome that he can find happiness in watching his bank account dwindle.

Oh wait, you forgot your balls in the trunk.  Kim needs these for the wedding.

 

Shun arrives with the wedding jumpsuit.  That thing should have been burned.  Niki arrives to show off her dress but is told to shut up and start curling hair.  Speaking of hair, Derek J. is there, too, poised to tackle the wedding wig.  She’s worried about him waiting until her wedding day to trim it, but not worried enough to avoid pissing him off before he cuts it.  Kim is annoyed to find out that Derek J. has been at Kandi Burruss’ home styling her hair instead of the bride’s.  Oh snip! 

I’m about to choke this bitch.  Serenity now.  Serenity now.

 

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Living in New Orleans, it helps to be a good swimmer.  

 

 

 

11 Comments

  1. 1
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted June 10, 2012 at 5:35 am

    The groom’s cake? I’ve always heard that the groom’s dinner was the night before the wedding. Was among our family and friends. Relaxed, time for the families to hang out and have fun before the craziness of the big day

    Sorry, I think cutting into the replica of a beloved pet is just too…um…icky.

    Loved all the curling, BSL! Looking forward to your take on the big event. You can watch it for me. 10Q!

  2. 2
    Nikki
    Posted June 10, 2012 at 7:44 am

    Kim Kamp!!! Too funny! Hope you get some of the royalties when she actually does this, BSL! Poor Kroy’s family. Was he taught nothing about money?

  3. 3
    RomoSheDiNT
    Posted June 10, 2012 at 9:58 am

    Why is Kim always starting in on DerekJ? He’s badass! I wish I had his number in my phone and he’d come prancing over whenever I said, shoot! Also, he could cut a bitch if he wanted! I’d leave him alone if I were her.

  4. 4
    RomoSheDiNT
    Posted June 10, 2012 at 1:05 pm

    Have y’all heard that Kim was evicted from her home last night? Allegedly

  5. 5
    randomnicole
    Posted June 10, 2012 at 3:23 pm

    I love Derek J!

    I got sucked into watching this because of the recaps. DAMMIT. Now I can’t wait for the actual wedding.

    Her mentioning the honeymoon and the trips with the kids – next season’s HW storyline or is Andy going to inflict Kim Ever After upon us?

  6. 6
    sk777
    Posted June 12, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    have you seen Derek J in Chris Rock’s hair documentary? i think its called “Good Hair”… as uhhh… talented as he may be he is a BIATCH, all the other stylists really hated him LOL

  7. 7
    mattie
    Posted June 14, 2012 at 7:02 pm

    i am so upset the wat kim and kroy treated her mother i dont care what your mom is as long as she dont hurt no one to treat her like trash make you trash rember god give and take it a way to call the police your gonna have nothing but bad luck watch god dont like ugly i throught kroy was nice but he giong to hell with you you both are fakes

  8. 8
    mattie
    Posted June 14, 2012 at 7:05 pm

    excuse my spelling but i am so mad i can cry what i just saw the way you treated her shame shame on you

  9. 9
    melinda
    Posted June 14, 2012 at 10:08 pm

    Seriously, i was appald at the way Kim and Kroy treated Kims mom and aunt their behaviot was so ridiculous i used to like kim but her manners and selfishness towards her own mother regardless of how yr mother is. She is an older women who brought u into this world. You could have let her use the downstairs restroom for a sec. it wouldnt have killed u and Kroy. I was happy u found love bersut the manners you both showed were discusting and embarrassing to those of us watching. You Kim should have also involvef yr Mom in everything. Your a mom lets see how u are going to feel if one of yr daughtets or son feel when they dont want u to get involved. I am sorry Kim you need to humbly apoligize to yr mother.

  10. 10
    melinda
    Posted June 14, 2012 at 10:12 pm

    Sorry for my mis-spells i normally do not comment but this behavior i just had to

  11. 11
    TJ
    Posted June 27, 2012 at 9:54 am

    Hello ALL! Love the funny comments. Does anyone happen to know the name or artists of the song that is being played at the very end of the last episode, when Kim and Kroy are outside of the tent and the are walking away after they kiss and say their final good byes? Not Kandi’s song Fly above….but this song is actually resonating in the background…its a soft very nice song….woman’s voice & instruments

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