Howdy, Gasmii! I went right from my birthday (and yes, the pancakes were great!) into Cinco de Mayo, when I enjoyed homemade pico de gallo, enchiladas and a corn dish. Muy bueno! I took last week off and today was one big fat splash of cold water. Why does work seem 10,000 times harder if you’ve had time off? Also, why do people have signs that say “Will Work for Food”? Doesn’t everyone who works essentially work for food? Plus, in my case, the fine cosmetics that Sephora sells. Also I’m convinced that Apple’s recent surge in earnings is due entirely to my iTunes purchases. You’re welcome, Cupertino!
Getting to the ep – Last week Eden was in Paducah, Kentucky to see Audrey, a 4-year-old. Heather says Audrey looks like the Bride of Chucky in glitz photos. Hiss! Looked in the mirror lately, Heather? Mickie asks Eden what’s the most important thing to remember. You might expect Eden to respond “the total package” or “sparkle baby” or “cash”, but instead she says “having fun”. Eden then shares she loves helping other kids. I believe her. Too bad she’s being robbed of a childhood where she can actually interact with those kids on a non-competitive basis and make friends.
We meet Cherishe, Audrey’s mother, whom I’m going to call CherishE because really, that “E”? Is it to class up the name like Ye Olde Englande?
You don’t know how many times I’ve wished that I could mold you into someone who could spell and also parent properly.
Mickie asks Audrey to show them her beauty walk, and she doesn’t want to, so Eden says she’ll do the walk first, then Audrey can do it. Audrey is running around and ignoring the E-Team. CherishE says if Audrey doesn’t want to practice, they just stop. So presumably Audrey has never won, or even placed, in any pageant? Cause lack of practice does not generally result in winning. Eden says pretend it’s “1000 coins of candy” and you win it all if you do the beauty walk. This doesn’t make an impression on Audrey.
Who turns down geldt? Really? The only thing better are candy cigarettes with the lifelike “flame” on the end
Heather says a child can be the most beautiful one in the world, but they have to focus. Eden agrees. Mickie shares they don’t know what they’ll see on Saturday (at the pageant), and says that Audrey seems distracted and not into it. CherishE says usually Audrey is into pageants. Really, CherishE? Or by “into” do you mean “dragged kicking and screaming and guilted into participating”? Mickie responds that’s not what she’s seeing, and tells CherishE to talk to Audrey.
See how eager Audrey is to participate in pageants? She loves them!
Now we’re in New York, where Andrew has arranged for a photographer who, he says, specializes in commercial photography, Lev Goren, will take new headshots of Eden.
He’s deluded into thinking his leather jacket makes him look hip, cool and artistic. Also, is he part Vulcan?
Andrew says he has auditions set up but they need new photos first. Heather says she doesn’t care if Lev is a “douche” so long as he does good work. And that’s where you’re wrong, Heather. People do care if someone is a “douche”. Like, say, you and Fransolonely. Lev talks to Eden and says in her new photos she’ll look like herself (unlike pageant photos), and says having bad headshots is a common mistake.
I don’t see what the problem is. This photo is entirely realistic given the massive amount of plastic surgery in the entertainment industry.
Commercial. Here’s one for Febreze. If someone tricked me into sitting in a garbage dump, I would notreact that way. I’d be looking for the nearest producer to slap them upside the head with the rotten detritus.
This smells like ass. Is it my husband?
Now here’s one for Charmin with those bears. Shut up! No one wants to see bear hineys!
I didn’t know they had names. And apparently Leonard has a very small bladder. TMI!
Back in Kentucky, CherishE says she has a lot of work to do. She is trying to get Audrey to rehearse – and by the way, do they live in this school or whatever it is? They never rehearse at home? Audrey is doing the hula hoop. Mickie calls CherishE while Audrey is walking around in the hula hoop saying “Ow”. I actually do that a lot, the saying “Ow” bit. Sometimes it’s because I’m hurting, but frankly a lot of the time I just say it cause it’s fun. I think that’s what Audrey is doing. Mickie asks if Audrey is enjoying practicing more, and CherishE says she’s doing ok. Mickie advises CherishE that she has to set boundaries, be a disciplinarian and be stern. CherishE says she’s going to work on it, while Audrey runs away. CherishE, Audrey is holding a huge neon sign over her head that says I DON’T WANT TO DO THIS. Why can’t you see that? She’s obviously an active gal, get her into sports or something else that does not involve being in pageants! Be a good mother and stop putting Audrey through this!