Recap: Love in the Wild: Makeup Wars

Yanina fumbles a bit and Ken grits his teeth. He swears his fierce competitive drive is coming out because of his desire to spend a night in the oasis with Yanina, but I suspect he wants to rip his shirt and yell “Jesse!” through those echoing marble rooms.

Jesse dresses like Captain America in a bid to distract Ken

They all start rowing and every team sucks at it. Of course they do! They are in Castaway style boats in open ocean. I imagine once everyone bobbed into the desired order, scuba-equipped producers swam each boat into the first cove.

Canoe + toothpicks + SCUBA tow lines

It is also interesting that all of the knots these knuckleheads tied remain secure. Including the ones Ali was involved in. Since the logs were the idiot-proofing that keeps these canoes from flipping I’m guessing there were a few minutes of a producer or at least All-American Chase checking everyone’s work. Jesse and Michelle nearly ground their homemade catamaran on the rocks and Jesse gets out and manually rights them. So, maybe not open ocean.

“This shallow bay is terrifying!”

Yanina transforms her soft firm control of Ken to loud bossing in frustration. He reacts to this with his usual aplomb and grace. Basically the bloom is off the rose folks.

Yanina, please remember these challenges are ham-fisted metaphors for your relationship… but it would be fun to see these two shop for a sofa

Not surprisingly Chase and Summer are first to reach the second challenge. They have to climb down rope ladders into a ravine that is seriously high.

Good work NBC, but still not worse than snake pit

There are two ladders but the rules are for each person to descend alone. Is this for safety or drama? Someone more versed in either rope ladders or reality TV please weigh in. First Summer, then Chase scurry down like the ubermenschen they are. There is no way Chase is going to let Summer down this time. He spent the whole previous night punching himself to atone for the last challenge’s failures. Summer pretended to sleep and performed a little self love in the wild. 

I don’t see harnesses, is there a giant trampoline at the bottom?

Jesse follows and somehow Juggs lets Ken and Yanina between them.  I suspect the guy at the top handing out helmets and instructions got the order mixed up. Yanina choose to go down the most dangerous and hilarious way possible. That chick is really growing on me. Unfortunately Ken is growing like a fungus on her.

Spider monkeys have biological clocks too

Ryan is still feeling even sicker and Minnie is sweetly encouraging him and completely uncompetitive. I think she hopes for last place to make her decision for her. Ali is disappointed that Cockney is taking this so seriously and pushing her to perform. She thought being in a boat with an Englishmen would turn out differently.

“Why Ben, I do declare”

Chase and Summer find the charcoal rubbing spot. It’s pretty anticlimactic. Summer is getting impressed with Chase’s lack of failure this time so that’s a bonus. They also both consider Spanish “some kind of ancient writing”.

Chase rubs one out for Summer

Everyone else is moving through, but AliCat immediately freaks out and cries at the height challenge. To be fair, I would too. Cockney calls her darling in hopes of jump-starting her ego, but under his breath he calls her Cockblocking Tit-stealer.

“Why can’t he see me for my beautiful self esteem?”

Ali suddenly isn’t feeling a bond; she’s become a great reader of people through this experience. I would say that’s mostly because he hates her guts and every second he’s forced to spend with her is another lost motor-boating opportunity. Ken is finding Yanina ‘bossy’. Being a gentleman means never having to listen to a woman. Yanina is similarly unimpressed with Ken’s abilities as a teammate. I’m still rooting for her gag reflex being stronger than her biological clock.

“Don’t count on it”