Recap: Love in the Wild: Makeup Wars

Now they need to find tarantulas inside logs.

Seriously, tarantulas

Chase is terrified. He is even more terrified Summer will see his fear of spiders and behead him like a praying mantis. He successfully bluffs his way through his arachnophobia and turns on Summer’s mating glands. Lets just say she is starting to see his more horsey qualities. They are finally in the place they were born for; first.

“Congrats, your reward is a glimpse of the last part of my original body. It burns”

Juggs goes right in after the spider. She is mentally is imagining an ANTM shoot as she cuddles the spider across the finish line, but I’m guessing her body of modelling work has more to do with industrial sized tubs of petroleum jelly and clear Lucite heels.

“Tyra always says to touche the cleavage”

Ken is delighted by Yanina’s shrieking at the tarantulas. Equilibrium has finally return to his world, the little lady is in distress. He states her ‘latin temper’ is what he needs and he hates a ‘dull woman’. I’m guessing his mother is his only reference for what type he likes.

Just the way Ken likes his women, screaming in terror

Ryan is perking up and is encouraging Minnie to grab the spider and beat the last team. Mice hate spiders but she goes for it and now Team CatCock is dead last. Even jenny has no idea who Ryan is and calls him “Ben” when he and Minnie cross the finish line! Well, technically she says “thank god for Ben”, so maybe it was just her repeating what a producer said in her earpiece when examining the ratings for this show.

Different reactions to the news they will get to stay on as a couple

Team CatCock prove they richly deserve last place and both wriggle and freak equally about the spiders.

Ben takes a moment to release his bowels.

After they are finished Cockney unleashes his annoyance at Ali changing partners and Ali contemplates the severity of her actions with a permanent shit-eating grin plastered on her face. She blames Juggs for Cockney’s misery because Juggs wouldn’t leave him alone long enough to form a bond with the indisputably irresistible Ali.

“He’ll thank me… any minute now”

Chase and Summer revel in their well-deserved first place reward. Hey, remember when first place came with a reward? They dropped that format pretty quick! There is danger though as their chef cooks a giant lobster and Summer is suddenly transfixed by the power of the crustacean.

“It’s like the horse of the ocean”

Ryan is feeling better, or he is feeling feverish, and decides life is ideal. They didn’t finish last and a pretty girl is in his bed tonight, what could go wrong?

Unrequited delusion

And at last, Chase finds his cojones and risks a trip into the dragon’s lair!

Tastes like burnt knight

Cockney spends a little time canoodling with Juggs in a hammock. He gives her a little wooden turtle as a keepsake in case they are separated forever. She is truly wowed since the only thing she’s ever been given by a guys is pearl necklaces.

“I haven’t told you where the turtle goes yet”

Jesse takes the opportunity to make a last ditch effort at getting his goodies kissed by Ali. AliCat takes this as an opportunity to whine, her one true love. He immediately aborts the attempt and her powers of bitch have repelled his penis once again.

“I dropped Tara for you?”

Despite Ryan’s delirious delirium, Minnie is on the fence. She feels insecure of their match and signs of a moral quandary appear. Ben, as the consummate Good Person (eat your heart out Ken), encourages her to give Ryan a chance.

“Just to be clear, they were never actual necklaces”