Recap: Love in the Wild: Makeup Wars

Ken and Yanina build their own Oasis and have a spa day. Which consists of them sitting on a mat on their cabin porch. Ken says not many women have touched his feet. I say that sentence is a mad lib that works with any body part substituted for feet. Yanina puts a mask on him and rubs oil in his hair. It would be romantic but at this point I just wish Yanina would shove the towel in his mouth and leave him in the jungle.

Two chicks covered in mud is usually hot

Cockney and AliCat are now at severe odds. Ali reveals her real issue in that she assumed Cockney would fall head over heels given the choice between her and Juggs the “blow up doll”. Listen sister, only Ginger gets to talk about Michelle that way.  And at least men want to see her inflated, your doll would be left in the box, and not for collector’s value.

“You do not understand men”

She then says Cockney has never seen Juggs without makeup and when he does he will realize he is with a man. We now know exactly why and when she popped up on interview looking like Oscar Wilde.

 My mistake. He has much fuller lips

She follows this gem up with saying she refuses to get catty. First, you are catty, and second, just because you opted for the medium implants and Juggs went supersized doesn’t give you the moral high ground. Cockney stays civil which is more than he should and head off to spiff up for elimination with a bit of flair and an air of sadness.

There’s the Gavin Rossdale I’ve been looking for

Speaking of sadness, Ryan puts on a vest and hopes for the love of fair Minnie. He also says its his “JT look”. I’m pretty sure he meant “JTT”.

Bringing sexy back… to 1991

 Minnie still is conflicted between wringing out her every drop of her 15 minutes and having to spend more time sedated by Ryan’s generic kindness. She drops a few sodium pentathol tablets for the ceremony and hopes for the best.

Even Desani doesn’t want to be involved in this sad storyline

Hey you know who I miss? Jason! Once he got a storyline it became apparent he had a jawline that could cut glass!

Don’t cry for me Argentina. Truth is elimination is a fate better than Ali!

Elimination time! Jenny tries to distract with a retro hairstyle and a geometric purple mess tossed over her. She must have been leaking antifreeze because the wardrobe department spent the entire episode dressed her from 40 paces.

“Even staff won’t come near me”

Summer and Chase do nothing surprising and stay put. Its lonely at the top. They admit to kissing, which is like hearing about your parents making out. You don’t really believe it but don’t want to think about it too much.

Mom, gross

Jesse and Juggs are up and both look bouncingly happy. Methinks these two had a little chat backstage. Jesse commits his final act of redemption and performs Reality Show Seppuku. He sends himself to the singles area so Juggs can choose Cockney. Cockney bounds up like a puppy and AliCat rolls her eyes. Her eyes happen to not be drenched in kohl for once in an effort to demonstrate how “real” she is. Real annoying.

Average never looked so unpleasant

Ken chastises Yanina for being a bad competitor but says she “made it up” with the spa day. Yanina decides to stay as well, but might be currently regretting getting rid of the swim coach who was barking up her tree on the first episode. Even Dr. Cox was less of a dickweed than Ken is turning out to be.

Demonstration of Yanina’s place and how he puts her in it. Que Adorable!