Recap: Love in the Wild: Makeup Wars

Recaps

By MrsMiaWallace | Friday, July 6, 2012 | 9:34 am | 7 Comments
Tagged: , , , , ,
Posted in: Love in the Wild, Recaps

Ryan and Minnie are up. The camera catches Ali desperately eyebrow dancing at Ryan in a feeble attempt to find a toe hold on the show. From what I’ve observed of Ali, I suspect she has never spoken to Ryan but still feels it completely plausible that he may be interested in her and waiting for this opportunity.

“lovemelovemelovemeloveme”

Even with a weakened immune system he resists. Minnie looks constipated as he talks about his adoration for her. She even wore a headband to confuse him and tempt him to choose Ali. All has failed and she lets the truth serum do its work, Minnie dumps him with a gentle but terrible ‘f’ word. What’s worse than being friend zoned on national television? NOTHING!

Orphans of Darfur are collecting funds for Ryan

So Minnie asks Ryan what she should do. He fumbles that if she doesn’t like him they should leave. This part I don’t get.. she could choose Jesse and stay, right? Maybe she’s too nice for that. I was really hoping she was about to choose Ali.

Don’t get your hopes up, she’d be just as much of a pain as a lesbian

Ali also has an opportunity to stay by choosing either Ryan or Jesse. One she hates and the other has joined a long line of men here that picked an inferior female when she needed him. She exacts her revenge by choosing neither of the two available guys and going home herself.

Jesse feels he does deserve this spot on LITW Worst Dressed

Jenny M is floored and starts to wonder if the series is going to be cut short an episode. She needs the exposure people!

Scratch and Sniff edition – smells like despair

Ryan feels betrayed and embarrassed at being dumped and blindsided. A blind dump! There are still a lot of people on the east coast taking those at night after the storm last weekend! Jesse still feels fed up with spending so much time trying to get into Ali’s Kitty. Tara was a bird in hand, and she’s worth two of that bitch. Ali leaves admitting she’s a psycho bitch. Now I think Ali may have just trolled the whole show!

“I thought this was a RHOLR audition!”

Next time there are twists and scorpions and shit gets real. Let’s hope Ken decides there’s another guy there he needs to obsess over because that’s good TV.

 Yeah, still friend zoned

Also I am now officially rooting for both the love and the championship of Ben and Michelle. Good old team Juggy Cock. Basically I fear Yanina will end up in a shallow grave if they win and hook up in real life and Summer doesn’t need my support. She only needs my unwavering servitude. Yes Mistress.

Sorry, princess

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MrsMiaWallace is an east coast girl with a  penchant for travel, libations and great cuisine. She is not known to turn down a mimosa or a martini and finds the transition between the two a good way to mark the passing of time since she can never remember to wear a watch. Her secret love for reality tv and addiction to Bravo have drawn her like a moth to the glittering snark of TVGasm,  where she finds there are others like her... hopefully also nursing Bloody Marys.

7 Comments

  1. 1
    Luscious Luscious
    Posted July 6, 2012 at 11:30 am

    These recaps are absolutely brilliant! I find myself waiting each week for the next one to come out. Great work, MMW!

  2. 2
    Pikey
    Posted July 6, 2012 at 12:43 pm

    “Ken pinches Yanina’s arm because it would be ungentlemanly to pee on her. ” made me laugh out loud – which I rarely do since a chuckle is more my style. You are hilarious and I love your recaps! This show, however, still sucks… And the sad part is that I still watch it.

  3. 3
    itchy itchy
    Posted July 6, 2012 at 1:32 pm

    If the show didn’t suck as badly as it does, the recaps wouldn’t be nearly as great. So…thanks producers?

  4. 4
    TVgasm Addict
    Posted July 6, 2012 at 3:20 pm

    MMW, Hilarious work, as usual.

    Ken is so condescending, and possibly even more of a vadge than I thought. Champ? Jesse did win a couple of “bigger person” points from me for somehow managing to not break a chair over Ken’s head. And…Ken was happy for spa day? Is that what Janina-with-a-Y thinks goes on there? They give each other facials and hair conditioner? What the heck is wrong with her? How can she stand him?

    Summer and Chase were shown drinking wine with dinner in the Oasis. I’ve only watched the episode one time, but I’m fairly certain there was a straw in Chase’s glass.

    Jenna looked like she was going to throw up while she was dumping Ryan. That was a great, if uncomfortable, reality TV scene.

  5. 5
    NikkiHughes
    Posted July 6, 2012 at 5:38 pm

    I haven’t read this yet, but I just wanted to say…….MrsMiaWallace? hahahahahaha! <3

  6. 6
    carol
    Posted July 6, 2012 at 7:29 pm

    This was a brilliant recap. I can’t pick my favorite part because it was all such snark/caption/observation gold. It makes sitting through the 45 minutes of the show worth it because you know the back story before reading the recap. Sort of like watching the bonus features on a dvd before watching the actual movie.

    These women are basically on tv proving to everyone why they are single. They are not hideous looking (not 10′s either), but their personalities are whack. They expect ALL guys to be 1. interested in them, 2. put them up on a pedestal, 3. treat them like a princess, 4. magically read their minds.

    Ali actually looks so much better with out any make-up on. She puts so much eye makeup on that it ages her. Also, what is the point of switching guys now? She already knows most of them and knows they are partnered up for the most part. She is also one of the ugliest criers to be on tv in quite some time.

    As fine as I am with a one night stand, it was a dick move on Jesse’s part to do it on a tv show. But Ken being ‘that guy’ when drunk knocks him down a couple of pegs. There is always ‘that guy’ at a bar/party when people are drunk. Sort of aggressive, fixates on one thing, but all the while acting a little stoned.

  7. 7
    itchy itchy
    Posted July 7, 2012 at 3:59 pm

    I’m pretty sure Tairhead was right there in that bed with Jesse. And I’m pretty sure it was precisely to see his dick move. So there’s that.

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