Heidi trots out to welcome the whole gang to the runway. My mother said “That is not her color”. Not sure if she meant the dress wasn’t flattering to her skin tone or her skin tone was not one found in nature.
That is also not her size
The guest judges are Mondo for reasons previously discussed, and for no reason at all, Anya from Season 9. She still has half a head of hair and since I haven’t heard of her gluing anything together lately I’m guessing she has returned to porn.
Even her teeth are attempting to evacuate the wreckage
Sonjia- Her high-waisted patterned pants look great. I think they would be tough to pull off on a short woman or a woman with a different figure, but they are divine on that model. The shirt is really amazing too with a panel design in front and draping cowl back. I would at least own the shirt in a heartbeat, and maybe the pants as well.
Elena – Yes, she has her trademark weird shoulders, but the look is fun and fresh and has great deep pockets (I loves pocketses) and the print is funky but not overwhelming. This is Elena done right and even the model looks happy to be wearing this.
Christopher – His insecurity is visible all over his design and for once his little Lorelai Gilmore waif does not do the look any favors. Maybe she only looks good in full gowns that cover her awkward bambi legs? The dress is blah and has a giant bow thing that you would want to pull off but then it would just be a dull strapless mini. From her stilted walk to her grimace, I think maybe someone smacked her around a little before runway to get an edge. Also Chris chose an exposed zipper but it is completely askew and completes the impression of pure mess.
Blorpheus – Well. It’s a pleated, flower-print top and flower effect skirt. It is masterfully tailored and sewed and fits the model perfectly. It’s also ugly and boring at the same time and I have no clue who would ever wear these two halves together or probably even separately. I’d like to see the white hole skirt paired with the black hole blouse. Vortex overload.
Unibrow – The conception design really just comes across as an 80s squiggle design but the look is edgy and cool enough. The model’s haircut is doing a lot for the look as well and I didn’t pay enough attention during the mind-numbing hair and makeup scene to see if Unibrow actually instructed them to cut her hair. If so, she should be pissed, bowl cuts are not as universal as one would think.
Tara – Her dress is flat out beautiful. I don’t even like red and I would own it. The shoulders and back make it unique enough, but the silhouette is classic and the tailoring is beautiful. I don’t know if it’s too commercial to win this challenge, but that lush is talented!
Skunk – his jacket is boxy and terrible. It looks like something sold at an outlet store for being ill-tailored. Also the skirt and boots look very junior high schooler at the mall and the print he designed just seems like ants crawling all over a white jacket from a distance. I think I liked the jacket better before he listened to Tim Gunn and took out the black panel effect.
Dmitry – His separates are amazing. He built a nice wrap skirt and his pattern looks great and edgy but the jacket is the real work of art. I guess this is how a Russian says fuck you when you call him a one way monkey. The jacket panels look like they are floating and line up with the print in an unexpectedly perfect way. This is the kind of creativity this show was made for.
Elena and Unibrow draw the card sending them directly to Go. I would’ve liked to hear what the judges thought of Elena’s, but I am glad that Blorpheus doesn’t get to squelch and slosh off to the holding pen this time. Tara is up first and explains that the Polish flag is red and white and blood is thicker than water so she did a bloody homage to Poland. I guess the word heritage really makes creative people get literal all of a sudden.Kors is shocked to encounteris something he might sell from the tough little recovering addict, but Heidi doesn’t like the shoulders. Mondo thinks it’s good but the styling needs to be “turned up”. How eagerly the judgees becomes the judgers! Anya thinks she’s on a porn shoot and asks Sonjia to “push it more”. Collect your glue gun from the workroom and leave please.
Blorpheus is up now and I can’t wait! Heidi agrees with me about the Hawaiian (I miss Hawaii!) stewardess resemblance (and this is a reworked version!). Uh oh, my taste level is slipping. She also points out that roses and Hibiscus don’t really go together. Kors and Nina scold him for the repetitive damn pleating and fanning. Anya and Mondo go ahead and parrot previous criticisms and I will ignore them because they’re awful and Blor is awful and the awful parade cancels itself out.
Skunk is enjoying the evisceration a lot. Save that smirk for later schadenfreude.
Dmitry wows Kors who admits that this design hits every concept of any fashion challenge– design, execution, innovation, beauty, perfection, martini, love, stags mating in the forest, etc. Heidi calls it, “crazy good”, and Anya starts sqwuaking like a parrot and who cares what she says. Mondo comes out saying it’s overworked and the print is being hidden and ruining the point of the challenge. Goddamn Mondo, shut the fuck up.
I’m pretty sure this guy just called you over the top!
“You hate my work? That’s high praise indeed”
Nina has one small criticism that Dmitry is not good at styling. I think a gaudy past in ballroom dancing is to blame there but since this isn’t Project Stylathon and I love my icy Belarussian, I don’t C-A-R-E. Mondo jumps in here and obliterates my memory of his brave HIV admission.