Marta’s also a little stressed because her ex-boyfriend’s probably going to be there, and she’s dreading seeing him (he cheated on her and is now in a relationship with the other woman. Suckage.). In a brilliant bit of foreshadowing, Joanna advises Marta not to start any drama because Romain doesn’t want any at his club. Don’t have a club, then? Marta claims she doesn’t start drama, Joanna does, and I just don’t know who to believe. I do know that the more these bitches drink the better this show is, so shots for all! Commercial!
When we return, Lisa’s pre-party is still in full swing, and so is the sisterly fighting with Marta claiming that Joanna doesn’t defend when Romain calls her fat and ugly. Whatever. I’m more interested/disgusted in Lisa’s mixture of Red Bull and Perrier Jouet. Karent and Adriana arrive, and Lenny pops down to join in before the ladies are on their way. He has to work the next day, so he won’t be attending, but he jokes that his wife has the day off. Lisa interviews that yeah, yeah, yeah, she doesn’t have a job, but her husband is a full-time job in “hisself.” What do they talk about when there’s no one else around, I wonder?
Someone brings up Elsa’s fall, and Adriana explains that Elsa is a 70-year-old woman, it was hot, and she hadn’t eaten much that day. And she was probably wasted. Trying to steer the conversation back to someplace more positive, Ad asks that don’t the other ladies agree that Elsa looks great for 70? I blame her for what transpires next.
Lisa’s all, “Who looks great? Elsa? Noooooo…” If I didn’t feel so bad for Elsa, I’d have thought that was funny. Joanna manages to utter something like, “She looks good, but… scary in a way,” and Karent just wants to “hug her.” They all have a moment of mutual “holy shit, her face is super jacked up,” that they try to shroud in sympathy, but Adriana is appropriately embarrassed for her friend, and interviews that the ladies need to think before they speak. NO. SHIT. Are the women under the impression that someone needs to SAY that Elsa’s face is jacked up? NO ONE NEEDS TO SAY THAT EVER. EVERYONE ALREADY KNOWS. Way be assholes on TV, Ladies. You have earned your Housewife stripes. Time to hit da club!
Everyone arrives, and it’s all so fabulous – red carpet, paparazzi, flares made out of champagne bottles, etc. Romain shows Joanna, Marta, Lisa and Adriana to some sort of underground bunker that’s supposed to be a VIP lounge, and Joanna wonders where the security is. Romain rolls his eyes and says that they didn’t want to guard Joanna because she’s a damn nuisance every time she shows up. Joanna protests that she doesn’t – well, she’s pretty trashed already, so it comes out more like, “Baby what the fruck, shat was too years ago!” Romain tells all her friends that she threw tampons at the crowd, and the way he relays it you’d think Joanna seriously injured his mom or something. I mean, I get that there are ways you don’t want your girlfriend to behave at your own establishment, but she threw tampons, not bullets. Two years is two long to remember that.