Recap: RHOM – Is everyone friends or something?

Hey Guys – guess what?!  It’s the morning after!!!!  Everyone’s a little hungover and still reeling from the minor bombshell Alexia so kindly dropped on a defenseless Karen’t last night.  Joanna and Lisa have a pillow fight as a reward for the four straight men who are currently being forced to watch. 

This is the most action Joanna’s seen in months.  Looks aren’t everything, Gasmii.

The elite ladies in the Oceanside manse make breakfast and chit chat.  Well, mainly Lea upbraids Karen’t for not slapping Alexia smack in the face when said face started spouting spiteful bullshit.  Karen’t doesn’t really want to hear it, though, (I know you’re all shocked) and actually starts to get annoyed with the fact that Lea refuses to agree that smiling in the face of slander is a good strategy.  Both Lea AND myself want to shake Karen’t like a damn maraca – the woman is alienating what could be an incredibly powerful ally for the sake of not standing up to Alexia.  Lea points out that Karen’t’s acting a lot like Marysol – all mealymouthed afraid of confrontation, and masking that fear under a façade of politeness and class.  I don’t necessarily disagree with Karen’t’s handling of the situation, but I certainly think Lea’s got a point. 

What else does Lea have?  Pipes an opera singer would covet – the rest of the segment is her literally crowing things like, “Joanna wouldn’t YOOOOOOU have a problem with something calling your relationship fake?  Wouldn’t YOOOOOU?  That’s my POOOOOINT!”  Somebody jokes about Roy pulling the same supposed crap as Rodolpho, and Lea cackles in her interview that if Roy ever did cheat on her, she’d immediately take to the press and announce that Roy beat her up, beat Roy Jr. up, and didn’t think any of his clients were innocent.  Then she’d toss him out on his ass with a quarter for a phone call and some meds for the inevitable ear herpes he’d get from using a payphone.  Ha!  She’s fucking looneytunes and friends with a drunk-driver/murderer, but I hate her significantly less than I do most people. 

 Also, she thinks she’s Gloria fucking Swanson, and I love it.

Over at Casa de Shitheels, Alexia and Ana make fun of Marysol’s baby feet and drink mimosas while Adriana chooses which of the 18 outfits she brought will make her look better than everyone else.  She picks a good one, I’ll give her that.  Marysol says they should call Elsa because she’s contractually obligated to do so, and when the girls spill to Mama what they did to Karen’t, Elsa deservedly reems them all new assholes.  “Why you come all dees way to gossip?  There weren’t enough gossip here in Miami?  Wait until you get back Alexia, wait until you get back…”  Damn, there ain’t no shaming like a Mama Elsa shaming.  Them girls got TOLD.  Alexia’s so embarrassed she flushes the article down the toilet, and Ana’s even goaded into interviewing that she thinks no one has malicious intent toward Karen’t, they just want to her to snap out of it.  Really?  Then stop Facebook stalking her with your daughters.  Everyone’s so humbled by Elsa’s admonitions that they agree to never speak of the Karen’t article again, and I have to check my listings to make sure I’m still watching a Real Housewives show.  Can you imagine if Elsa tried that shit with Ramona?   Oh, shit.  Now all I can think about is a “Celebrity” Death Match between Ramona and Elsa.  Now with Elsa and Jill Zarin.  Now with Elsa and Nene Leakes.  Why doesn’t this franchise do crossovers???????