Recap: RHOM – Is everyone friends or something?

Recaps

By Alejandra | Sunday, December 16, 2012 | 12:42 pm | 9 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Real Housewives of Miami, Recaps

We head back at dinnertime, and Ana’s preparing the meal with some big to-do chef whom I don’t know anything about because he hasn’t yet been featured as a guest on “Top Chef.”  Marysol’s the sous-chef, but she’s wasted, so all she does is ask about martinis.  In other, more serious news, Karen’t’s dad is in the hospital because something went wrong with his pacemaker.  The pacemaker he told Karen’t he was replacing, but instead just replaced the battery in.  Pride goeth before the heart attack…

All joking aside, Karen’t a wreck, and the last place she wants to be is sipping cocktails with a crowd of women who’d sooner poison her food than offer a sincere condolence.  She seems genuinely pissed when she tearfully swears she doesn’t give a bleep about what those women think of her not showing up to dinner.  She’s gonna sit and pray the rosary until she get a flight off this rainy rock, and even Lea doesn’t argue.  See?  Karen’t has priorities.  Real, impressive priorities.  Seriously, this is a Housewives show, right?  It’s not some elaborate plot hatched by Miss Andy to give me boring shit to recap?  Not that I think he has any reason to do that, just enough time on his hands.

At dinner, everyone is getting along pretty well until Lea and Marysol finally decide to have it out.  I wish I could say that the hashing out of the Marysol/Elaine debacle and the Marysol/Lea/Gala/Red Carpet/PR Bitches debacle actually allowed for some new insight into the fight, but it didn’t.  It was the usual talking over each other, she said she said bullshit.  I DO think Lisa Pliner’s a two-faced ninny, but that was in reaction to the clips that Bravo aired of her admitting that she and Marysol talked about ways to cut money from the event (like hiring a certain host who would have done it for free) and then clips of her saying something completely different when Marysol wasn’t there.  Hey, how can we get Lisa cast on this show?  She seems like she’ll fit in more with the rest of the franchise.

To her credit, while Lea doesn’t get an apology or even an admission of guilt out of Marysol, she comes back around to the fact that Marysol’s had a rough, rough year, and Lea misses her friend.  Marysol feels the same way and the two women… hug it out?

“WHAT FUCKING PLANET ARE WE ON?”

I’m not saying I don’t like it, but this shit is like nothing else I’ve seen on Bravo in a long, long ass time.   Can you imagine this happening between Vicki and Tamra?  Holy shit – CELEBRITY DEATH MATCH VICKI GUNVALSON VS. LEA BLACK!!!!!!  Let’s make this shit happen, Gasmii!  Who do we need to speak to??!

In other feel good moments, Karen’t does stop by to show her tearstained face to the women and explain that she’ll be leaving in the morning to be with her father.  Everyone’s appropriately polite because ain’t nothing like family tragedy to get bitches off your back.  She’s probably got less than a week before it starts up again, but even a short respite is a respite nonetheless.

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About

Alejandra lives in Los Angeles and is an actor/writer/producer of opinions.  She loves the beach, but never goes, and hates reality stars, but follows them religiously.  In addition to TVGasm, you can read her writing at the online magazine DigN2It, or various fanfiction websites if you're industrious enough to find her.  If you're not industrious at all, a bottle of fine wine will always be an acceptable bribe.

9 Comments

  1. 1
    Smango
    Posted December 16, 2012 at 2:54 pm

    Great recap of a not very entertaining episode! What’s up with already bring time for the finale??? The last season of RHONJ was three years long, and we only get three months of these people? Sad.

  2. 2
    Stacey
    Posted December 16, 2012 at 3:36 pm

    OMG great recap! You had me laughing my ass off! When Lea looked at the camera and described how she would bring Roy down she said word for word that Adrienne did to Paul! She is enough of a bitch that I don’t think it’s a coincidence. And I agree with you about a romantic night LOL

  3. 3
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted December 16, 2012 at 3:56 pm

    Yay the recap is up!

    I’ve only just begun to read it, but I must say that Lea Black is pure scum-of-the-earth evil. She exists to feed on other people’s pain. Gah she makes me so SICK. I already disliked her, but after reading Marysol’s (and her true friends’) blogs, it sealed the deal.

    Off to read more!

  4. 4
    Holyterror
    Posted December 16, 2012 at 4:27 pm

    Wish Brandi wass there to tell Lea to STFU when she was SCREAMING. Glad to say, I know NO ONE who does that shit.

  5. 5
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted December 16, 2012 at 4:47 pm

    @Holyterror : Aahhhh, I would SO pay to see a Brandi versus Lea match. My money’s on Brandi…Lisa has a big mouth but with nothing likely to back it up.

  6. 6
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted December 16, 2012 at 4:48 pm

    Dammit!! “Lea”, not Lisa. Ugh.

  7. 7
    emerthorne
    Posted December 16, 2012 at 7:21 pm

    Did anyone see Elsa hitting on Consuelo on WWHL? I love her!

  8. 8
    labowner
    Posted December 17, 2012 at 3:38 pm

    Emerthorne, no missed that but will go find it to watch. She is great.

    I am not sure who the biggest shit stirrer is Lea, Joanna or Lisa.

    Where is Ana’s apology from Karent accusing her of texting Rodolfo? What a farking bitch. Can’t wait for the reunion to see how she will spin her way out of this mess.

    Does Joanna have the ability to look different? Every picture I see of her it is the exact same face/pose. Our girl Tyra would not be pleased with her portfolio.

  9. 9
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted December 17, 2012 at 5:07 pm

    labowner: It’s gotta be Lea, don’t you think? Although I nominate Karent, as well, because of the Joe Francis debacle. Recall her asking the wildly inappropriate question and then running to tell Joanna like a little bitch?

    Oh, and no, Joanna does not have a variety of looks, unless “hoochie” can be something besides hoochie lol.

    I adore Ana. WTF is she even DOING on this show, anyway?

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