Revenge Recap: Every Rose Has Its Thorne

Midseason finale! Oh Television, you and your tricky wordplay! Methinks you don’t quite understand the meaning of the word “finale”, although I will take a “midseason finale” over a “two part finale” any day.  Without the true definition of words, nothing separates us from the animals.  

So…Revelations! Not sure how revelatory the episode was – a better name might have been “Ashley Fulfills Her 6 Year Dream of Becoming a Ho”, but whatever…to-may-to, to-mah-to.

You and your five-head have some explaining to do

We begin on a skeet shooting expedition conveniently attended by all of the Grayson Global/NolCorp/Initiative power players wearing their best Out of Africa, Ralph Lauren safari gear. Is this a common excursion for business associates? I thought polo matches or croquet were much more Hamptons, but it did allow us to see Victoria with both barrels loaded. HOT.

Does she have “BADASS” written in her contract?

On the expedition, we meet Salvador – a gruff, potentially rape-y investor in Grayson Global who has a history of always voting in Conrad’s interest – until now. Conrad misses his clay pigeon so we know he is off his game, his business leadership doomed.

Nearby Ems and Aiden are canoodling, which is cute – although watching Nolan react and be oh so Nolan-y is cuter. Hee hee, Nolan needs to roll his eyes and be quasi-bitchy always!

Only Nolan could pull off pink AND salmon together!

Ashley and Daniel arrive, hoping to woo the investors into voting for his takeover. Ems plays her part, telling Salvador that she plans to invest once Daniel is in charge. So nice to see ex-fiances working together for a change!

“Oh sorry!  Was that your skeet I just shot the hell out of?”

This whole strange event becomes more bizarre when Miss Initiative 2012 pulls up in her car to fix her makeup and casually threaten Conrad and Victoria. Doesn’t she want to get out of the car and shoot some skeet? Ugh, she’s no fun.

The Stowaway is abuzz with the upcoming Christening of Baby Carl (poor Baby Carl). Jack is even going through Papa Carl’s old address book, calling old associates and inviting them to the event. The Brothers Creep-amozov are also invited! Oh joy! Maybe they’ll break the priest’s legs.

“Ey, uh, how much do you think we could get for dat golden chalice thing?”

Padma and Nolan arrive at Grayson Global to discuss the ownership of NolCorp. Nolan, once again proving himself as a standup fella, asks where Aiden is – shouldn’t he be here considering he is an advisor in the matter? All chatter stops though when Nolan sees Marco waiting in the office. They always come back, people. They always come back.