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Greetings, Gasmii! It is a magnificent day!! My stepdaughter is in labor as we speak, so little Hayes Bradley will make his entrance into the world today!! As a dedicated Gasmii, I hereby pledge to enter him into a T&T pageant the minute I find an unspayed Weimaraner to keep constantly impregnated for my own financial gain and a pageant that offers a truck full of Little Debbies as the Ultimate Grand Supreme with extra cheese prize. Until then, though –
It seems appropriate that this week’s episode of Revenge is entitled Legacy, so let’s dive right on in before the hospital calls, shall we?
We open in New York City
SORRY – IT’S KIND OF A PAVLOVIAN RESPONSE
It is December 28, 2002, and lots of people are dancin’ in da club. Apparently it’s somebody named Shawty’s birthday, and she seems to have lots of friends. Unlike our heroine. She is in her pre-Emily phase, so I shall call her Amanda.
Amanda is dancing with some dude who keeps grabbing her ass, so she gets pissed. She shows her disgust by demanding, in a totally non-cliched way, a “vodka tonic, hold the tonic.” Amanda then espies her man taking some
skanky ‘ho nice, respectable young lady into the bathroom. Amanda bursts in and beats the shit out of him with a toilet seat.
THE WEAPON OF CHOICE FOR ALL TOUGH GAL EX-JUVIES, I AM TOLD
The bouncer grabs her and hauls her outside when, who should she see, but Nolan in a stretch limo – and flat, dark hair.
Nolan signals the bouncer to throw Amanda into the car. They go to a diner where Amanda is eating like a truck driver, shoveling the food in and chomping with her mouth open like a cannibal on the scene of the Uruguayan Air Force Flight 571, and I begin wonder if the writers are really so lazy that they are now looking up scenes from The Every Hokey, Played-Out Stereotype Handbook.
STILL LOVE THE SHOW, JUST IRRITATED WITH THE BLATANT DISREGARD OF THE VIEWERS’ INTELLIGENCE
I digress. Nolan is concerned that Boyfriend is going to press charges. Amanda reminds Nolan that they have only met once before, so its NOHB, and if he wants his money back he can kiss her ass. Nolan realizes Amanda hasn’t read her father’s journals yet. He begs her to read them. She storms out.
Back at Grayson Global, Conrad, Frank, and Victoria are meeting because Conrad received this:
Frank says that, since David Clarke is dead, they are considering the card a threat from someone who has inside knowledge of the circumstances of David’s case. They are making a list of all of the people who were part of the scandal and inviting them to the Grayson New Year’s Eve party so Frank can use his crack investigative skills to disclose the culprit.
Victoria refuses at first, but Conrad reminds her that they face life in prison if the truth comes out.
Amanda walks into The Stowaway and actually orders “vodka tonic, hold the tonic” again. The female bartender answers, “You want a twist? The hero and the villain are actually the same person. Get it? A twist?”
ESPECIALLY THIS SCRIPT
Dad Porter comes out with some boxes and a mini-Declan.
Jack is right behind him and we know he is young because he is clean-shaven and is wearing a backward baseball cap.
He looks Amanda right in the face and smiles. Okay. Stick a fork in me on this episode. Amanda is wearing a brown wig with bangs, but he is not going to recognize her a couple of years later as Emily? I will give the benefit of the doubt, though, maybe they will acknowledge they saw each other and just comment on her hair being different. We can only hope.