RHOA Recap: As the Walter Turns

Recaps

By L Boogie | Wednesday, March 20, 2013 | 8:00 am | 22 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Real Housewives of Atlanta, Recaps

Last week, Porsha was under Kordell’s rule, Kenya was mad at Phaedra and Cynthia wore too much hair and makeup. It was essentially the same stuff that has happened for the last four months but with feathers.

Porsha is unpacking and says she is having a hard time with it. Kordell can’t even find her makeup bag while helping her and instead “finds” her pregnancy test. Like any good husband, he menacingly asks what it is because the picture on the box of the woman weeping shamefully wasn’t enough of a hint.

“Me, you and baby makes four.”

Porsha explains the whole thing to Kordell. The girls bought her a pregnancy test from the dollar store and then put it in a name brand box like parents do with cereal. She goes into the bathroom to take it because Kordell needs to figure out if he needs to push her down the stairs or not. She asks how long she’s supposed to pee on it. First of all, she’s over 30 and bitch acting like she hasn’t taken at least five of these. It turns out…she’s not pregnant: insert sad face. 

Kordell: Damn. I guess we should have had sex or something. 

Kandi is touring her new office space. Someone told her last year that she’s running a multi-million dollar business on a bootleg budget. That’s funny that she started taking advice this year. People told her three years ago to get her money from Kim and now she finally is. It looks like Kandi didn’t heed her own advice and is, wait for it, tardy for the party.

Kandi: This was either a former crack house or a Blockbuster Video. They all look the same at this point.

NeNe is in NY doing the talk show rounds. She goes to Kelly & Michael and talks right over them which I love because usually I want to strangle Kelly four seconds into the show. NeNe says that it looks like fun but it’s hard work. I totes agree! Being driven around, getting dressed and made up always exhausts me. There’s a commercial for Married to Medicine and I am so tired of all these reality stars talking about how small Atlanta/Franklin Lakes/Beverly Hills/the medical community of Atlanta etc…is. Atlanta is four times the size of Manhattan and you know how many times I’ve had the same cab driver in NY? Never! You know how many times I’ve run into an ex? Once, but I’ve gotten around. 

NeNe: What’s that? You’ve gotten around? Then close your legs to married men, like this! 

Cynthia is trying on clothes for Peter’s upcoming men’s health event. Cynthia’s weird. You ever notice how in her interviews she narrows her eyes and says things real mysteriously, or maybe it’s sexy, but it’s at inappropriate times. I think they’re feeding her lines. Maybe she really does need those big, dumb glasses. Peter discusses inviting Walter to his event and Cynthia warns that Kenya will not like that. He thinks it’s immature and Cynthia, because she’s not unlike Porsha in her marriage, agrees that she’ll have to get over it. I think the only difference between Porsha and Cynthia’s marriage is that Peter drives wedges between Cynthia and others but since they’re beyond the possessive age, he lets her go off and do her own thing. Also, he’s banging a Bar One waitress. 

“I’m going to wear this men’s suit. Kordell better not try to pick me up.”

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22 Comments

  1. 1
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted March 20, 2013 at 8:16 am

    I don’t know about other cities but Atlanta is small socially. Same people same events. Once something is HOT everyone flocks there until the next place pops up. I can’t remember who said it but Kenya was out in LA and Walter was in Atlanta. He’s been attending these events even before Kenya got there.

    Also Kandi has known Walter for years, but I guess the story line doesn’t allow for that information to come out.

    I almost choked when I saw Kenya with Jamal. Seriously…of all the people in Atlanta she brought Jamal..HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA…Jokes on her…she hasn’t been in Atlanta long enough to understand that.

    The scene with Porsha and Kordell was sad to me. I hate he is making her choose between the baby and the career. I’m not sure what career she speaks of but I hope that she’s able to convince her husband that she can do both.

    No one found it funny that Kordell walked the tailor to the door. I just knew there was a DL joke there.

  2. 2
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted March 20, 2013 at 8:29 am

    LOL @classy drunk, I must admit that I do love the devolvement of RHOA into Logo’s Noah’s Arc.

  3. 3
    Mimo
    Posted March 20, 2013 at 9:07 am

    @Classy – was that Jamal Anderson? I didn’t recognize him with the glasses. If memory serves – and I’m too lazy right now to look it up – wasn’t he the one that always did the dirty bird?

  4. 4
    Mimo
    Posted March 20, 2013 at 9:10 am

    Oh – and I watched Porsha on WWHL the other night and Andy played the scene where they were discussing career and baby. Asked her “Wouldn’t that have been a good discussion before you were married?” She told him that all she had ever wanted before they got married was to be a wife and mother. Now her attitude has changed. Sounds to me like Cordell’s hasn’t.

  5. 5
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted March 20, 2013 at 9:52 am

    That’s the one Mimo….

  6. 6
    eyediosmio eyediosmio
    Posted March 20, 2013 at 10:38 am

    @ClassyDrunk: okay, I need more info regarding this Jamal character, why is it so funny? (I am out of touch).

    @LBoogie: This recap was Gone With the Wynd Hysterical! Thanks so much, my favorite part is the Kandi eating digs, which I shouldn’t laugh at but – tee hee!

  7. 7
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted March 20, 2013 at 11:05 am

    Oh no you aren’t out of touch. It’s just funny that Kenya keeps getting guys that have “been around Atlanta” and thinks she’s won a prize when she takes them somewhere.

  8. 8
    nativepeach
    Posted March 20, 2013 at 12:03 pm

    There have also been plenty of rumors about Jamal’s sexuality. I actually LOL’d when Kenya walked in the door with him after talking shit about Walter. Jamal used to be PHINE back in the day… I really hope someone calls Kenya out on the reunion show for allegedly hiring Walter to be her boyfriend.

    Porsha was killing me when she kept asking Cordell how she could pee for two whole minutes when she was doing the pg test.

    I was wondering about how old those NY clips of NeNe were because they said her ‘glambaby’ was a newborn & wasn’t she playing with a much older baby several episodes back?? They do some sketchy editing on these shows.

  9. 9
    LAC LAC
    Posted March 20, 2013 at 1:36 pm

    LBoogie, bless you, chile, for doing this! You are doing the Lord’s work! :)

    Porsha, Porsha – I almost fell off my chair laughing about the 2 minute pee question. She is the sort that goes into the emergency room with a stomach ache and comes out with a baby. How did that happen? And Kordell – yeesh, if we stop thinking you are gay, can you stop being a controlling asshole?And can someone tell me what Porsha’s career is besides brushing her hair and discovering the magic world called “outside” once she figures out how to open the door?

    Kenya – is the fact that she was the arm candy of Jamal Whousedtobefineintheday supposed to mean something? It is like Sheree never left the show, with the level of delusion going on. And I love her party idea – I want the theme to be fierce independent black women of the screen and you are going to go as who I tell you to go as. Have fun!!! Yeah, put that on an evite.

    Btw, what is with the pathological need to have Walter around? Is he fun off screen? Because I get sleepy looking at him. That child he was with looked bored out of her skull. And please spare us the “playa” bullshit about liking women like rims, Walter. You look like the sort who would be at Target reading labels on Hanes underwear packages in jean shorts . Shut up…

    Phaedra worries me – one sneeze and people around her will be ducking bandage dress schrapnel. Those boobs are going to merge with her ears if she keeps pushing them up any further.

    Did anyone else get sick of the words “glam-ma” and “glam-baby” ? Just me? ok… :)

  10. 10
    LisaP
    Posted March 20, 2013 at 4:08 pm

    LAC – i’m totally dying at your description of walter!!!
    i was also wondering about porsha’s career. does she think attending fundraisers (EVENTS!!!) while tainting the legacy and good name of her grandfather is an actual career?

  11. 11
    NatPatBen
    Posted March 20, 2013 at 5:07 pm

    This phrase “to the white meat” … I never heard it before last week on RHOA (Kenya), then it was used again this week (Kordell).

    Makes me think of chicken.

  12. 12
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted March 20, 2013 at 6:56 pm

    “It is like Sheree never left the show, with the level of delusion going on”

    DAMN, that’s a real good call LAC!

  13. 13
    NotWithoutMyTV NotWithoutMyTV
    Posted March 20, 2013 at 11:04 pm

    “I don’t even dislike Phaedra personally at this point.”

    Don’t worry; I’ll dislike her enough for both of us. In fact, if New York, Vermont, and New Hampshire can’t make it in because of inclement weather, I can dislike Phaedra enough to cover for them, too.

  14. 14
    yummy
    Posted March 21, 2013 at 12:33 pm

    How long was Kenya supposed to be with Walter? They never had sex and she was already wanting him to propose, and we’re supposed to believe that was a real relationship? Ha!

  15. 15
    L Boogie
    Posted March 21, 2013 at 1:00 pm

    Woo hoo! I’m at McDonald’s y’all…soaking up some free wifi.

    @Classy, didn’t want to overdo the DL thing but if you want it, I’ll bring it! Every time he’s on the screen, I notice something flagrantly extra. Sometimes I think I’m the only one who really thinks he’s on the DL. Anyone else?

    @Derek Hazelton, did you get my tweet? I swear I still don’t know how to work that thing.

    @eyediosmio, thanks! Have you seen Kenya’s Gone With the Wind video…I can’t. Kandi just sets herself up for it! In the last two seasons, I don’t think an episode has passed in which I haven’t seen her chewing on something or making diabetes tea.

    @mimo, I think Porsha’s comprehension skills are catching up to an 8th grade level and she’s realizing what she signed up for. She strikes me as the type who will stay married for another decade or so and then finally leave when she realizes she can make more money turning her future kids into a singing group.

    @LAC, I LOL’d at everything you typed. That was freakin hilarious, especially Walter!! You hit the nail on the head. He is so lame!!

    @NWMTV, haha! I was trying to be diplomatic. Phaedra is so bad that now I make a Phaedra face when I see her on the screen. She reminds me of pregnant Phaedra from her first season.

    @NatPatBen, I know Bernie Mac used to use that phrase in reference to beating kids. I’ve heard it heard sparingly but I think he popularized it.

    @yummy, I think she said they were on and off for a couple of years plus it was a long distance relationship. Now that the no sex revelation is out, it’s even more ridiculous that she’s claiming to have been in a long term relationship and wanted to marry him. She’ll probably claim it was part of the purity pledge she had to take to be Miss USA.

  16. 16
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted March 21, 2013 at 1:07 pm

    @LBoogie, My mom always pulls into McD to use their free wi fi…but just sits in the parking lot…

    Kenya sucks. When they first broke up they just broke up. Pretty amicably they just didn’t seem to want the same thing. Then all of sudden Kenya is saying the guy is gay. Whether he is or not it’s not for Kenya to tell so Walter went on the defense.

  17. 17
    LAC LAC
    Posted March 21, 2013 at 2:17 pm

    Right back atcha, L Boogie! You and Kandi eating digs – funny! I think she should call her show Kandi Koated Riiiiibs! instead… :)

  18. 18
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted March 21, 2013 at 9:00 pm

    @L Boogie, I definitely got your tweet, I tweeted you back, so you’ll see it (hopefully) the next time you log in. I just have to say I love your recaps because you make the most out of the least.

  19. 19
    Aunt Dorsey
    Posted March 22, 2013 at 1:09 am

    Has anyone else noticed the facial resemblance between KenyaKootchieKrak and Stassinfection from Vanderpump Rules—skin tone is a wee bit different (ones already been cut to the white meat) but damn do they have the same cheek bones and totally same level of bitch ass crazy.

    If you upped Stassinfection’s spray tan a few shades, she could go to Kenya’s empowered black queen’s of the screen partay–as Kenya!

  20. 20
    Mimo
    Posted March 22, 2013 at 9:30 am

    @eyes – Jamal’s house was just foreclosed on too.

  21. 21
    SayWhat
    Posted March 24, 2013 at 7:34 pm

    I don’t understand how Kenya and Walter supposedly never had sex… If she was so concerned about her miss America/USA/Neptune purity pledge what the heck was she doing taking a shower with him? Taking a shower with someone seems WAY more invasive than doing the nasty!!! What is the point if not foreplay? So shady!

  22. 22
    NatPatBen
    Posted March 26, 2013 at 9:51 am

    @SayWhat, according to Reza and MJ of Shahs of Sunset, folks might shower together to save time.

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