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It’s time for the trip and they all meet at the airport. Peter is super excited to meet Kordell. I’m pretty sure he brought a corsage. And chloroform. Kandi shows up and starts murmuring something about Todd between her clenched teeth. I really don’t understand what the hell she just said. It was something about cancelling and not wanting to get cussed out by everyone. I think it means Todd declined the offer. Everyone else shows up, Kenya does not acknowledge Porsha and Todd surprises Kandi. He must really love her in order to subject himself to this. As someone behind the scenes, surely he knows how this stuff is edited. He’s taking a risk but it’s worth it for love, a new house, access to several cars and the chance to rub a Grammy. By Grammy, I am of course referring to Joyce.
They get to Anguilla and Kenya is permitted to drive the boat. We’re not even allowed to bring homemade food to my job for liability reasons. How is this legal? I’m surprised they didn’t end up crashing through the first chapel Kenya could sniff out on the island. I do recall hearing about an Anguillan Justice of the Peace being held for ransom around that time. The boat ride looked fun but scary. I didn’t see any life jackets on any of them and a psycho was at the wheel. I can see the headlines now: Cast of RHOA Missing in Anguilla
“My psychic told me that would happen.”
The boat ride got so rough that Cynthia’s boob came out but it was blurred. She finally did something interesting and it was censored. When they get to land, they get into a bus and mention that they’ve fought hard not to be in the back of it. Within 30 seconds, they pass a diamond store and our Civil Rights princess mentions that they should go to the mall and “ball out”. If this isn’t the dream, I don’t want to know what is.
Kenya says that Walter needs to go there and he issues one of the best excuses I’ve ever heard. They’re blood diamonds. I wish I was there. I would’ve slow clapped the hell out of that. Kenya starts asking a bunch of questions about the ring and the size and when is he going to get it and Phaedra interviews that the Good Book says a man finds a wife. Walter takes it in stride and wonders how his life has come to this. He just wanted to be a background extra and somehow ended up being cast as Kenya’s boyfriend. For real though. He tried to date Kandi but ended up with Kenya. It reminds me of how Slade from RHOC dated Jo, then moved onto Laurie and lastly Gretchen. The “old” people are in the Escalade and are yapping about something but whenever Gregg starts talking I just want to curl up in his ample bosom and go to sleep. He looks like he smells like moth balls.
Once they arrive at the hotel, they’re given a tour of the master suites. Supposedly, they will all have master suites and are taken on a tour of Nene’s first. I thought it was interesting that Nene in particular was singled out by the staff. Today I read a little tidbit about how they went above and beyond to accommodate her. Her master suite is complete with a hot tub and outdoor showers. When they go to Kenya’s suite, they realize that it’s a junior suite. She starts saying to the men that she doesn’t have a tub, the room isn’t big enough and she’s going to another hotel. One of the hotel guys gives one of those looks to the camera that every person who’s ever met her has given at some point in time. It’s a cross between, ‘I hope she doesn’t kill me’ and ‘I’m excited to see where this goes’ and ‘I wish I’d worn my cup’. Their response: it’s a pleasure having you here. What won’t be a pleasure is them cleaning up the oil slick she’s going to leave on the pillow.
Apollo and Phaedra have a deep discussion involving her honeypot. She refuses to get into the hot tub unless it’s bleached. Apollo feels that she’s overreacting and I don’t know why. I’m sure he had the same requirement before the experimented with her back door. They call Dr. Lew to settle the argument and the doctor agrees with Phaedra. Phaedra says she has no time for bacterial vaginosis. I wasn’t aware that it was taking reservations.