RHOA Recap: Couples Retreat

Recaps

By L Boogie | Monday, December 10, 2012 | 10:01 pm | 17 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Real Housewives of Atlanta, Recaps

Cynthia and Peter settle in and she’s surprised that Kenya is being so nice and fun. It turns out that they never had a honeymoon because Noelle went with them. That’s ridic! Fortunately they seem much happier this season than in those past. Was marijuana legalized in Atlanta? I’m getting a real Janice the Muppet vibe from Cynthia.


Cynthia: I’m not taking my clothes off for anybody even if Andy Cohen says it is artistic!
Peter: No pressure babe. Let’s see if Kordell is busy.


“OMG! I wore all of my jewelry at the same time!”

All of the couples get together at the pool but they all look too good to actually get in…is what they say. Nene is trying to create a romantic moment with Gregg but her husky tequila tinged voice whispering in his ear is making all the blood rush to his head if you know what I mean. I mean that all of his blood is rushing to his ears to combat his hearing loss. Nene spots Apollo with his shirt off and says that he’s teeny weeny. Apollo and Phaedra laugh it off because everybody knows teeny weenies are a honeypot’s best friend. Poor Walter has his shirt off too but he’s  had to take up residence in the pool since the junior suite is just enough room for Kenya and her baggage. And her luggage. They’re all pretty toasty.

Kenya walks by and pushes Apollo into the pool. Phaedra is not feeling it. She has one of those faces that jerks into an uncontrollable sneer. That’s how you know someone’s really mad. They make the Elvis face. Apollo gets out of pool, picks up Kenya and throws her into the pool. Not. Cool. On the one hand, I get the playfulness of a bunch of people drinking and cutting loose but there is just something about a cackling, attention starved woman getting snatched up by your man that brings out the Kathy Bates in us all. Phaedra just seethes as Peter tries to assure her that they’re just having fun. I wonder how closely Phaedra watched this. Apollo’s hand is all up on Kenya’s butt and it looks like it even caught a little crack. How much you wanna bet that Phaedra had to wear a sash and crown to bed that night with the March 22,1993 Jet magazine stapled to the back of her head?

The next morning, everyone meets and Phaedra finally debuts her fishnet covered thong suit. Phaedra, a thong that tight and invasive should eliminate any concerns about bacterial vaginosis. I predict that in the next four hours she’ll be able to make a loaf of bread with whatever that thong produces. Everyone is all excited to see the donkey except Nene who breezes in and is so fascinated by her own entrance that she doesn’t even seem to blink an eye at it.


“I just wanna put my face in it.”

Kenya: Haha! Good try Phaedra.

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17 Comments

  1. 1
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted December 11, 2012 at 7:28 am

    What is it with all the blue eyeshadow this season? Are they sharing one makeup artist in ATL?

  2. 2
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted December 11, 2012 at 11:21 am

    @L Boogie Thanks to you I now know ROFLing really can make you pull a face muscle. I thought it was just an old wives tale till I got to
    WWJVSAD?

    This episode has Kandi’s best.hair.ever! It swaps out yrs off of her face and puts back pretty. In her peacock blue confession scenes. And in the kitchen with Mama Joyce.

    Where she also had a top on that’s her exact perfect shade of of bright yellow. That doesn’t do much for a lot of people. But on Kandi it falls in love with her undertones and asks them to marry it. She needs to give that stylist whatever they want to come live in her house.

    But instead to go on the trip she let somebody stick a mess of bad mom retro curls on her head. That they probably told her looked beachy.

  3. 3
    NewYawka
    Posted December 11, 2012 at 6:58 pm

    Copy/Paste. I posted under the wrong episode.

    Okay….WTF is wrong with that Kenya guy? Desperate, too much testosterone, and inappropriate. If skanky Walter proposes to her, he’s just as bi-polar as she is. I’m betting the bus that she has a penis under that dress. Oh so unattractive and totally yuk.

    Amusing though. I’ve never witnessed a woman desperately chase a man before let alone announce to the world that she isn’t ‘ovulating’ over dinner.

  4. 4
    annie annie
    Posted December 11, 2012 at 7:30 pm

    Jesus I thought I was watching a Jerry Springer “Hedonism” Special that he used to do years ago!

    Kenya got too drunk and forgot Walter was her pretend boyfriend, then she tried dry-humping all the men. Whoopsie!

    Ehhh, dont really have too much to say about this episode……except I really like Kandi and her man. But what’s up with her being all shy and lame, meanwhile rockin’ the Kegal Balls at an antique store last ep? WTF

  5. 5
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted December 11, 2012 at 8:54 pm

    Here’s a link to Walter’s radio interview basically saying the current relationship wasn’t real.

  6. 6
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted December 11, 2012 at 9:07 pm

    Here’s Part II of the interview:

  7. 7
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted December 11, 2012 at 9:15 pm

    Sorry, this is Part two.

  8. 8
    2muchbravo
    Posted December 11, 2012 at 9:23 pm

    Don’t care if I didn’t hear another thing about Kim and Kroy. I think Nene said it best. Don’t let the door hitcha…
    I agree with kthxbai. Kandi is looking good this season. Her hair looks nice and she’s been dressed fairly nicely too. I hated that short pink do with the flip in the front.
    Um, Phaedra, I know you were making a statement with that net dress but NOT A GOOD LOOK GIRLFRIEND! You need a body like Brandi G (of RHoBH) to pull that off. I don’t blame her. I’m surprised she held her tongue. I would have made a couple of sharp passive aggressive comments to the bitch if she flirted that overtly with my man.
    Well, Derek, your video explains why Walter didn’t seem to upset that Kenya was throwing herself at every man on the island. She’s a pathetic mess.

  9. 9
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted December 12, 2012 at 8:39 am

    Oh, and I found this on Phaedra’s twitter. She and Apollo actually have an exercise video that’s currently on sale, just in time for the holiday season.

    http://www.phinebody.com/

  10. 10
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted December 12, 2012 at 9:51 am

    Manufactured Drama? Does Bravo do it any other way???

  11. 11
    LAC LAC
    Posted December 12, 2012 at 9:51 am

    I loves your recaps! Thank you!

    Kim: bye bitch! Nene and Cynthia put it best. Move on.org…

    Nene – don’t need to see you and Greg getting it on. I cannot drink nearly enough wine during the show for that. I love how a few gallons of tropical drinks, and she is suddenly back to loud, fun vulgar Nene. Now if Kandi can just sell her a DEALDO…

    Cynthia: boob pops out…married to a boob…and we’re done. But that little catty shade thrown at Kenya Crisco was amusing.

    Porsha: well, at least she waited until the plane landed and all the other vehicles stopped before stepping out. That is an accomplishment.

    Kandi – looking good in her confessionals and she and her man are cute. However, she is going to need subtitles soon if she does not stop talking through her teeth.

    Phaedra – Girl, you can give an swift uppercut to some two toned weaved out bitch and still be a lady. It is a better reaction than the yeast net you wore to make a point. And remind Apollo that unless he wants Pastor Mama walking her full weight on his back, he needs to cool it with Kenya Crisco.

    Kenya – how this bitch is surprised by the reaction she is getting is beyond me. She is ShitBySheree, Chateau Sheree, wall sized portrait of Sheree delusional. So not making Walter jealous. Making him think another sequel to “Open Water” – only this time, we are rooting for the sharks and the man is on the beach waving bye bye. See, that is why heiffas like her are constantly wondering why they have so few female friends – it is not that they are all jealous of you, it is because you do shit like that!

  12. 12
    NewYawka
    Posted December 12, 2012 at 3:02 pm

    I’M HAPPY FOR KIM!!! She should leave the show and continue making babies to, not only lock onto Kroys paychecks, but to hire another nanny to raise the new kid so she can continue to shop, nap, piss and moan. Hopefully she will find a new set of lips in her travels……at least a set that look real……to replace the constantly slimy labia’s she currently has on her face.

  13. 13
    atlgirl
    Posted December 14, 2012 at 4:21 pm

    My only question is – why would they rearrange their schedules to accommodate Kim, the least reliable person on the show?

  14. 14
    L Boogie
    Posted December 18, 2012 at 4:59 pm

    Thanks for reading everyone! And thanks for the extra dirt…kthxbai, I learned something new! You probably had a mild case of Phaedra face-itis. I actually liked Phaedra and Apollo’s commercial. I almost ordered it as I’m an exercise whore. I’m always joining a gym, buying useless equipment and purchasing Crossfit Groupons that I never redeem. I seriously love your comments and read them instead of working, auditioning and creating actual human relationships. Next one will be done soon!

  15. 15
    Chips.N.Whips
    Posted December 31, 2012 at 1:19 am

    I’m just now catching up on the gals. Phaedra with the hot tub…ON POINT! I laughed so hard. I’m guessing if the next baby is a girl, Apollo will NOT be in charge…or Dr. Lew will school him. I mean, Phaedra can’t be that nasty without knowing how to take care of her stuff.

  16. 16
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted January 2, 2013 at 5:03 pm

    @L Boogie can you fix it where we can make comments on the recap for this week’s episode?

  17. 17
    L Boogie
    Posted January 2, 2013 at 5:40 pm

    Kthxbai, idk if I angered the technology gods or what. I can’t do aything on my end (that I’m aware of). I just sent flipit an email. :’(

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