RHOA Recap: I Have a Nightmare

Recaps

By L Boogie | Wednesday, November 21, 2012 | 9:00 am | 17 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Real Housewives of Atlanta, Recaps

Kim may have to give up her home, which a commenter pointed up may very well be 70,000 sq.feet, for her dump of a townhouse. It’s the one she brought with her one woman performance of The Vagina Monologues. That hellhole is only 5,000 sq. feet! She’s 14 times more likely to bump into one of her horrific offspring in a house that size. The silliest part of it all is that her townhouse has been vacant all this time. It doesn’t matter how much they make, that place should have been rented out during this time.

Sweetie takes notes on all of the things they would do if they actually worked. Kim continues to whine and make really, really scary faces. Kroy is still looking as constipated as ever. I don’t know if it’s the cameras or Black people but he always seems a little stiff unless he’s at home with the kids. Sweetie called Kim a white chocolate bitch or something along those lines and Kim and Kroy exchanged some weird glances with Kim cutting a comment short. I’m sure that they don’t see color and love everyone but I also kinda feel like they have un-politically correct conversations between their sheets. Their white, crispy sheets. Oh and ten bucks says Sweetie is pregnant with Kroy’s white chocolate baby on their spin-off.

Kim: We can never have a conversation without this creature interfering.
Kroy: I told you a dog and two babies was too much.
Kim: I’m talking about Sweetie.

Porsha Williams-Stewart finally makes it onto the screen and she’s in the opening credits. She introduces herself as being from the Williams family. Congratulations. You now join the ranks of 18 million other Black people. Unless she’s related to Vanessa, Wendy, Serena or Venus it’s not ringing an immediate bell. Turns out she’s the granddaughter of Hosea Williams, MLK’s right hand man. Porsha ending up on this show, was not the dream. Quick bio: she’s a princess, met her man at 27 and was married by 30 as per her wishes, hasn’t had to wash a dish or sweep the floor since she’s been with  him and hangs out with her friends all day. So she’s basically one of Cinderella’s busted stepsisters. Awesome.

Porsha has lunch with Kenya and asks her to be a special guest at their annual charity event. It’s a huge event in Atlanta held by her charity which provides food etc…to people who are struggling in the midst of this thing that we’re in. You know that thing where people stay home all day because even though they want to work, they can’t find a job. Oh yeah, a recession. Porsha had trouble remembering that pesky little term and continues to serve as a wonderful figure head for this charity. By the way, I could have sworn she said her grandfather died in 1998 but everywhere I looked said 2000. I could be wrong. Anyway, Kenya is happy to lend her name to the event. Porsha mentions that Phaedra, Kandi and Nene are sponsors but basically just show up, take pictures and leave but don’t like to get their hands dirty.  The conversation should have transitioned gracefully into other areas but instead Porsha asks if Kenya is married. Then she asks if she has kids, wants kids, ever been married and her opinion on the escalating violence in the Middle East. Just kidding. She doesn’t know how to say Middle East.  

Did I mention that Porsha is straight dumb? I try not to judge people in real life but since this is reality TV I can safely say that I don’t like her. Sometimes, the bimbo thing works but she’s 31 and acts 16.  She says that she wants to have kids before 35, she has a Chinese calendar that guarantees she’ll have a boy and a girl, compares Kenya’s aging reproductive organs to those of her 43 year old aunt (who has a fertility doctor Kenya may want to meet; it involves Asian Easter methods) and asks her to wear her crown and “satchel” to the charity event.

Porsha:  So, like, why do we park in the driveway and drive on the parkway? Life is deep.

“You’re as dumb as I am crazy.”

“Why didn’t Martin Luther King ever wear his crown? If I was a king, I’d wear one. I’m only a princess so I wear Chanel glasses instead.” 


“Are you related to Cynthia?”

Nene is in NY getting ready for events related to her new show and Cynthia who’s in town doing some “modeling” hangs out with her. I’ve no doubt that Cynthia is working but I want to see what it is. Why wouldn’t they tape her shoot for the show? I sense a staged conspiracy that only Porsha can senselessly question. 

 

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17 Comments

  1. 1
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted November 21, 2012 at 9:34 am

    UGH I am so behind on this show, shame on me! I will catch up and get back in the game!

  2. 2
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted November 21, 2012 at 10:02 am

    Nene loved every minute of Gregg doting on her. She loves attention. Wench.

    Why does Phadrea insist on wearing ill fitted push up bras? Her breast look ridiculous each week.

    Ok 40K in plants…for the WEDDING?!!!? Kimberly you have to tone it down. I wonder how much of a budget Bravo gave her versus what she put up herself. I mean she could probably write it off as a tax deduction but that’s how the rich keep their money.

    While I don’t like Kenya she was in the right for being miffed about Porsche not remembering her title. She worked hard for it and would like to be addressed properly. Porsche has been on the radio quite a bit down her lately. Ugh she is awful. She truly is a spoiled brat. I can’t wait to see what happens when the girls start fighting.

    The season is starting off slow, but so did NY and that turned out fantastic. I hope it’s the same for Atlanta.

    LBoogie most people don’t really want to be on the housewives. Probably the reason why you wouldn’t see the celebrities at the charity event, but you will see them out and about around the city. :) Hosea feed the hungry is a HUGE charity here in Atlanta and many celebrities are apart of it and donate quite well to it.

  3. 3
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted November 21, 2012 at 11:00 am

    Those deductions make the all the difference, they can keep you flush In Plinko chips or make your man fall off the mountain! $1.00

    Porche and her Husband will be broker than broke if he keeps giving her cash and not putting that money ins a tax sheltered product. Get your money right ladies!

  4. 4
    missV
    Posted November 21, 2012 at 11:09 am

    Porche is shockingly dumb and she made me take Kenya’s side in the fact that Porche should have been better prepared for the event on her speaking points. Standing outside and bashing the host though? Trash.

    Nene has been calm so far this season and even though she’s less entertaining, it’s cool to see one of these women use this trashy show as a platform for a real career.

  5. 5
    missV
    Posted November 21, 2012 at 11:12 am

    by less entertaining I mean if you find the constant screaming matches with Kim entertaining…

  6. 6
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted November 21, 2012 at 3:18 pm

    Plinkoooooo!

  7. 7
    HoneyBunny3
    Posted November 22, 2012 at 1:04 am

    I think Kenya is turning out to be my favorite this season, besides Kandi. She is definitely somewhat crazy, but actually has some accomplishments to her name, unlike the Kim or Sheree, and she is genuinely entertaining. Kim is irritating the hell out of me w/ her highfalutin BS and her out of control ego. Just because she married some unknown football player now she is too good for everyone? Not one house in Atlanta is good enough for Kim? She is going to be eating major crow one day when the money is gone and reality TV producers lose an interest in her.

  8. 8
    atlgirl
    Posted November 22, 2012 at 9:23 am

    I think you have Kim and Kroy pegged exactly right. I think they have a lot of non-PC pillow talk after the cameras are gone. Kroy never seems really comfortable when he’s around Sweetie. Plus, it’s a red flag to me whenever a person goes on and on about how they don’t see color, it’s just not possible. Kim and Kroy are practically off the show now anyway, they never film with anyone else but Sweetie, who isn’t a housewife, and occasionally Kandi.

    I can’t believe Porsha almost made me agree with Kenya! Don’t get me wrong, Kenya was very rude, but from what I saw, that event was poorly organized. You couldn’t tell from the size of that event, but that charity is the most well-known here in Atlanta and I was expecting to see a lot more. I don’t think she is actually in charge of anything, maybe her aunt or whoever else handles the real fundraising and they just let her throw a party or hand out food occasionally to keep her occupied.

  9. 9
    atlgirl
    Posted November 22, 2012 at 9:33 am

    http://4hosea.org/page/our-staff-board

  10. 10
    realhousewivesfan
    Posted November 22, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    I love the additions of Porcha and Kenya, like i knew i would! those 2 add so much to this show. without them it would be the same stale crap from previous seasons! i actually feel Entertained now that Cynthia is getting less screen time, that bitch needs to get stepping, NOT Kim but i’m accepting the change with this season and Atlanta is the only “black-people show” hate to say it like that, that i watch. No basketball wives, LA, Detroit whatever. I am dyeing to start the Kenya/Apollo/Phaedra workout video!!

  11. 11
    shellshell
    Posted November 23, 2012 at 12:57 pm

    The Housewives franchise has gotten so predictable in the formula but ATL is still fun. Porsche (sp?) is frustrating because I think she’s pretty dumb but not THAT dumb. Love that Kenya, mouthy bitch that she is. She really is taking the shine from some of the original cast members (Cynthia).

  12. 12
    NotWithoutMyTV NotWithoutMyTV
    Posted November 26, 2012 at 5:17 am

    i did start the nu Kendra/Appollo/Phaedra workout video and i did dye!

  13. 13
    Jason
    Posted November 26, 2012 at 8:07 am

    MLK died so that Porsha could be a spoiled, barely literate, rich bimbo who makes Paris Hilton look like a philosophy professor from Harvard.

    That’s equality for you.

  14. 14
    LAC LAC
    Posted November 26, 2012 at 8:23 am

    Thank you for the recap. I have to get up and walk away from this mess often, as I fear the stupid ‘ho gamma rays will get me. :)

    Nene – yep, the Greg foot kissing is gag inducing, but she is lovin’ it, secretly. People crawling after her behind is an aphodiasic for Mizz Nene… It was painful watching her staggering around in those loubotins down those subway stairs. Good ole Guide Cynthia – I can just hear her now – “Now, Nene, we are going to walk down this alleyway and see if we can see a New York bum or get a New York mugging! This is keeping it real in Manhattan!” Idiot…

    Kim – shhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaddddddduuuuuup already! I am so fucking tired of listening to that heiffa shuffle around, whining about the house or having to make any decisions harder than what to stuff in her mouth. I never met anyone who makes simple tasks, like opening a door, look like she is splitting the atom. When is this bitch checking out already?

    Phaedra – I think I covered this with you earlier, boo. Apollo, shirt off when he is at home. Yeah, whatever happened to her law practice? You do not earn those horns and tail by being an absentee attorney – I know. :)

    Kandi – keep on keeping on. While Kim is trying to fit her self portraits and Versace china back into the house her vajayjay built, you are doing it right.

    Kenya – cray cray continues. It must be a tribute to how loathsome I find Porsha that I was on Crisco Kenya’s side this episode.

    Porsha – I would love to put her stupid ass in a wayback machine, so that she could get an eyeful as to what her grandfather’s work was actually about. Also, I loathe women of that age group that think being Princess Bougie is cute.

  15. 15
    Selena
    Posted November 26, 2012 at 9:31 am

    Greg’s feet were disgusting. No more filming people getting pedicures please. Yuck!

  16. 16
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted November 26, 2012 at 9:58 am

    Cosign on no more pedicure close ups. Same to BCG if Oxygen can hear me! Bleech!

  17. 17
    Susanl
    Posted November 27, 2012 at 9:12 am

    Kim really needs to shut up. I would say I can’t believe Kroy puts up with that filthy mouth in front of his kids but he’s just plain stupid because he married her. Once he’s out of money, she will be out of there but still collecting his child support the way she does those other two kids.

    Porche (sic) is stupid. I can’t wait for someone to point out that her grandfather was also a drunk that not only ran into another car drunk but also hit a pedestrian while DRUNK too! He had a horrible record while serving on the Atlanta City Council. He rarely showed up. He had some good points but he was no saint! Didn’t she say that this particular event was \about the children\? And you don’t invite someone and not correctly introduce them. Kenya is coocoo but had a right to be upset.

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