RHOA Recap: Kenya Hear Me Now

35 Comments

1. 1
   NotAlway'sPerfekt
   Posted November 7, 2012 at 11:25 am

   You have mad recapping skills and I love it! LOL at the tag lines!

2. 2
   L Boogie
   Posted November 7, 2012 at 11:28 am

   You’re so kind, thank you!

3. 3
   Pyper
   Posted November 7, 2012 at 11:59 am

   Loved the re-cap.. great job….
   Can’t stand Kim still, like she is in competetion with Kandi about the house, too bad she doesn’t realize she is homeless and Kandi aint…
   100K to move ? Thats what I owe left on my mortgage for creeps sake…
   Loved how you mentioned the baby name/song stealing reference.. I said the same thing whilst sipping my Grigio

4. 4
   JJ
   Posted November 7, 2012 at 12:32 pm

   Kim actually makes me cringe every time she hits the screen. My only explaination for her relationship with Kroy is that she is doing one of the following: 1) holding someone hostage; 2) blackmailing him; or 3) continually feeding him a date rape drug.

5. 5
   L Boogie
   Posted November 7, 2012 at 12:35 pm

   Thanks Pyper! Kim was so obnoxious about the house. Definite jealousy although I’m trying to be nice and chalk it up to her pregnancy. How could I forget to mention the $100,000 move?! I used to think Kim was possibly smart about her money but now I think she’s just smart about moving on to the next man or woman who can fund her lifestyle.

6. 6
   caligal
   Posted November 7, 2012 at 1:23 pm

   I was hoping for this recap! Imagine getting Kandi’s line of sex toys confused with Phaedra’s stun gun….HOLLA!!!

7. 7
   realitytvjunkie
   Posted November 7, 2012 at 1:33 pm

   OMG – just spit out my drink at \not unusual to be shoved by anyone\ LOL!! awesome. And god I wish he did the Carlton…..

8. 8
   Classy Drunk
   Posted November 7, 2012 at 2:55 pm

   I too had a Kenya doll.

   Kenya thinks she is a lot more than what she is. Truly famous people don’t go on reality shows. You want to know why? Cuz they are too busy working and being famous. If you have time for a reality show it means you probably arent working.

   Kim does leave the show. The streets say it’s because she was pregnant and didn’t want to be around the girls fighting.

9. 9
   Neecy
   Posted November 7, 2012 at 3:37 pm

   So so glad someone is recapping this mess! So glad ShebySheree is history with her trifling butt. I like the kinder gentler Nene that’s not so catty. Kim needs to go, and quite frankly, if they don’t find more for Phaedra to do, she may be next! I am going to love hating Kenya. What a trifling psycho b*tch!

10. 10
    Pillania
    Posted November 7, 2012 at 3:44 pm

    Loved your recap, but the first paragraph especially cracked me up!

    At the last reunion Kim told a convoluted story about her money/house situation. The wives in the sketchiest money situations always have elaborate stories about leases gone wrong that are impossible to follow. I couldn’t stop laughing when Kandi sensibly guessed 5,000 for Kim’s moving fees. With $100,000 I could pay off my student loans, put a down payment on a house, AND take an exotic vacation. Gross.

11. 11
    anniedawg25
    Posted November 7, 2012 at 5:03 pm

    God, I really really want to like Kim. I was watching the old eps of Seasons yesteryear and she was a plastic wig wearing, gold digging, chain smoking wanna be country/R&B singer with huge tits. Then she met Kroy, got preggos and married. I saw how cute she was with baby KJ and I thought “hmm she has changed!”
    Then, this season is is as awful as ever (so far). UGH

    Kandi’s house was cool but a little werid. The indoor hot tub and pool was very “grotto” like. I am going to miss her other house, the ranch-style she bought at age 19.

    Kenya……biiiiiiitch, with bad acne. I do agree with her about the coochie crack, but damn lady, dont be an obnoxious diva. Sad thing is, obviously acting that way has worked for her all this time…so shame on anyone who has had contact with her for the past 20 yrs., lol.

    Nene…totally over her. I dont care about her show or her LA life. ehhh.

    Cynthia….she is more beautiful as ever. I wonder how her marriage will pan out this year, Pedro is awful.

12. 12
    nativepeach
    Posted November 7, 2012 at 5:57 pm

    How bout crazy Kenya trying to get in Apollo’s drawers???? I need to see Phaedra whup dat azz!

13. 13
    sarcasatire
    Posted November 7, 2012 at 7:20 pm

    At the last reunion Kim said she’d CLOSED on buying the \house of her dreams.\ This was in response to Nene tweeting that Kim was a \renter.\ So Kim lies (so as not to seem like a renter) only to be filmed months later getting evicted by her landlord (which you only have if you’re a renter.) I can’t stand a liar..

    L Boogie, I’m so glad you’re back!! Hilarious recap. Looking forward to a season of crazy!

    (Oh, regarding Phaedra, I heard whispers of a rocky relationship storyline with Apollo, a la Nene and Greg.)

14. 14
    miasweetie
    Posted November 7, 2012 at 8:46 pm

    I almost didn’t recognize Miss Lawrence on this episode in her “man costume” but I thought he looked great.

    Did anyone see the “Hairstylists of Atlanta” clip show with Lawrence and Derek J? It was priceless – like a real version of Men on Film. I loved their extra commentary on who was or wasn’t doing whose hair during each clip. Bravo needs to give these two their own show or give them permanent seats on WWHL. I enjoyed them more than actually watching this show.

    I found something about Kenya disturbing, which I’m sure will keep me tuning in….

15. 15
    anniedawg25
    Posted November 8, 2012 at 6:09 am

    @miasweetie…. Men on film!!! Yes , you nailed it.! i loved that special… I was cracking up the whole time. How much longer till they get their own show??

16. 16
    Pari
    Posted November 8, 2012 at 6:24 am

    I had a Kenya doll too! Memories…

    Loved this recap! This season looks like it’s going to be really good. The thing that really caught my eye was the insinuation of something going on with Apollo and Kenya. I’m interested to see what happened with that.

    Kim needs to go away and never come back. Cascade does look kinda bad at first, but geez woman, keep it to yourself! She’s so rude and obnoxious. I hate that her show pulled in as many viewers as it did. Like, who watched that crap?

    Also, I hate that I have to watch a commercial to comment.

17. 17
    Das_Fräulein
    Posted November 8, 2012 at 7:24 am

    L Boogie, the NeNe-Hulk comment is hilarious!

    Cynthia’s agency is so pedestrian! Those wannabe models (my god the girl with the black toof!) will be suckered out of money for \professional pictures\, \runway classes\ and \charm school\. Cynthia is still very attractive and definitely has better skin than \I’m Miss USA Kenya\ Kenya felt it was beneath her to judge such a horror show and she wasn’t going to keep quiet (and I think expected others to agree with her, smh). If you have nothing nice to say…

    Loved Kandi’s house and how she bought it (she told Kim it would cost more for her to build that house and why would she do that? Kandi will never be broke or kicked out of a house with that type of thinking, unlike Kim).

    NeNe seemed pretty humble meeting Ryan Murphy for lunch. She thanked him again, etc. I still can’t get over her choppers, her cosmetic dentist should be outed so no one else uses him.

18. 18
    Joslyn
    Posted November 8, 2012 at 7:28 am

    “Greg is livining in the Dodge Charger Nene bought for Brysen last year…”

    CRYING LAUGHING

    Still reading, excellent recap, and thank you for it!

19. 19
    Joslyn
    Posted November 8, 2012 at 7:30 am

    typo: living, Excuse: cracking up too hard…

20. 20
    Lexy
    Posted November 8, 2012 at 7:49 am

    \The bonus of having a younger husband: the toys are still in style\

    OMG, I laughed so hard, tears were coming out of my eyes. I intensily dislike Kim for being such a user and as a result I disliked Kroy too, but that simple phrase remind me that Kroy is only 26 and then I feel sorry for him, how in the world did he get himself into this mess, He has his whole life to regret it. My son is 25 and just got engaged to the sweetest girl but the wedding would be in Spring of 2014. If he would had showed up with someone like Kim (Kroy was 24 when they met), and got pregnant a month later , I would be beyond myself , completely devastated. I fell bad for Kroy’s parents. I will try to remember this as I watch poor Kroy and those two babies that have to deal with Kim on daily basis.

21. 21
    kdognatl
    Posted November 8, 2012 at 8:51 am

    L Boog HILARIOUS recap!! Loved it! I knew from the previews I was not going to be able to stand Kenya and she was every bit the b%tch I thought she would be. Can not stand Kim, I wish Kandi would have said something to her. Not necessarily curse her out, but check her ass to her face. And ehhh Sweetie. Who is she to comment on anything? Where does she live, in Kim’s basement probably. Can’t wait till she is off the show.

    So looking forward to this season and your recaps!

22. 22
    Gypsy
    Posted November 8, 2012 at 10:24 am

    I can’t wait for Kenya to bring the crazy and for Kim to leave the building.

    I don’t know what it is but, I like Cynthia a bit more so far. I think it’s her long weave and her BULGING emphatic eyes in her talking heads.

    Yay!

23. 23
    trkaelin
    Posted November 8, 2012 at 11:26 am

    THIS is Big Poppa???? I’m disappointed.

    http://www.realitytea.com/2012/11/08/mugshot-kim-zolciaks-former-sugar-daddy-big-poppa-arrested/

24. 24
    atlgirl
    Posted November 8, 2012 at 3:54 pm

    I loved Kenya and looked up to her too as a little girl, a bit of my childhood died when I watched this episode. But, the adult me loves that she seems to be completely psycho, she’s going to make great television!

    Funny recap…

25. 25
    newsroomFan
    Posted November 8, 2012 at 4:20 pm

    laffed out loud at the different names for Cynthia’s business. MORE PLEASE. Hated Kenya, to me she was trying too hard to be relevant to soon (ie talking to much smack to get some buzz). I’ve read several articles about how according to her, she’s the best one on the show cuz she brings the most drama. UGH!

    On another note, LB, you are really pretty. Has anyone told you that you look like Garcelle Beauvais?

26. 26
    2muchbravo
    Posted November 9, 2012 at 1:53 am

    @23 Oh snap! Guess Kim is just a money grubbing hooker! Watch out Kroy! Though, it looks like she really does love him.

    I thought it was strange that Sweetie was back all of the sudden. They bad mouthed her last season on Kim’s show. And, what happened to her friend and the assistant who ended up as the maid of honor? She seems to interchange ‘friends’ quite easily.

27. 27
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted November 9, 2012 at 5:55 am

    I actually liked Sweetie this episode, trying to get Kim to focus on actually moving and lay out a plan to get things done. Sweetie was better dressed this episode than she has been in the past, so that was a plus.

    Ryan Murphy wants to be a sassy black woman, so his kiki with Nene about the sitcom seemed par for the course to me.

    L-Boogie, I agree about the Bailey Agency names. Keep them coming. By the way, did anyone else notice how bulged Cyn’s eyes got when Noelle said she actually wanted to go to school? Cyn seems likable enough, but has no sense of what’s going on around her, which makes her the perfect foil for the crazy that surrounds her.

    Does Marlo make any appearances this season? I miss Sheree’s sarcasm.

28. 28
    Gypsy
    Posted November 9, 2012 at 6:06 am

    @Derek…Cynthia bulged eyes are one of my fave things about her persona, hilarious to me for some reason.

    Oh FUCK Marlo….

29. 29
    caligal
    Posted November 9, 2012 at 8:31 am

    This show needs more Leon. I still don’t get how Cyn traded the lovely Leon for Old Man Fuck-Up. And I applaud Leon for being involved in Noelle’s life and insisting she go to school.

30. 30
    KJN
    Posted November 9, 2012 at 9:23 am

    Laughing my ass off at Kim walking around Kandi’s house criticizing everything. She’s getting evicted from her “not a rental’ house, which is totally a rental, and Kandi just paid for hers in CASH (or should I say Kash, haha?). Kandi has real money and is smart as hell. She will never be hurting. Kim will break Kroy and move on to some other Big Poppa (gag) type pig when the money is gone. What the hell was he thinking when he married her?

    Kenya is totally batshit. I thought I had read somewhere that Phaedra and Apollo were getting divorced? They were together after the premiere on WWHL, so I wonder if it was just rumors caused by whatever looks like is going to happen this season with Kendra? Hmmm…

    The caption with Kroy and the can is hilarious. I could totally see him using his “teef”, lol. Can’t wait for the whole recap!

31. 31
    L Boogie
    Posted November 11, 2012 at 4:12 pm

    Thanks so much for reading and commenting guys! After all these years, I’m still a lurker so I feel like I know all of you from reading comments on other recaps and the water cooler during my off season. I have limited access to wifi but I wanted to talk back to you guys so here goes:

    JJ – LOL, I think it’s number 3. Two kids in a little over two years? Yikes!

    Caligal – Leon is crazy hot!

    realitytvjunkie – Haha! I was hoping that line would make sense. Thanks!

    Pari & classy drunk – Is it just me or did the Kenya doll’s hair never quite go back to being as curly once you straightened it? Also, what was in that magic lotion?!

    Neecy – Phaedra usually gets a slow start. Give that donkey booty a chance, lol!

    Pillania – How could I forget the 100K moving bill? I LOL’d when Kandi said she was paying $59/hr.

    anniedawg25 – I always had an aversion to Kim. When I really think about it, I only like her when she’s friends with Nene. The two of them really were fun together. Apart, I think Kim’s life has been a sideshow (Big Poppa, singing career, temporary lesbianism) BUT she tries to get everyone to take it seriously instead of just embracing her hot mess-ness. I wonder if Kenya’s skin is her insides/attitudes affecting her outsides.

    nativepeach – I don’t think any other RH has had an outright flirtation like Kenya and Apollo seem to being headed towards. Can’t wait!

    sarcasatire – Yes! Kim made that big proclamation and then comes on and not only admits the eviction but essentially planned it. Ugh!

    miasweetie – Has Miss Lawrence always had that little scar on his cheek between his lip and nose? I feel like I heard a story about some kind of diet where they stick a straw through your face or a weird surgery. OMG, I never actually said or typed that. It sounds so dumb out loud.

    Das Fraulein – Poor Nene changes her face every time someone says something about her. The teeth are huge but the more I see her, the more they just blend in with the whole picture.

    Joslyn – Glad I could make you feel a spectrum of emotions .

    Kdognatl – We definitely need a visit to Sweetie’s house. Maybe she’s one of those immigrant (no offense) kids whose parents are wealthy professors/doctors/engineers who live in a mansion and she’s the Americanized slacker kid and therefore entitled to be a snob (in her mind).

    Gypsy – Cynthia is looking great this season. It appears she had her hair professionally done. I wonder if she’ll continue throughout the season now that she has more RH money. I refuse to get my hair done by a stylist b/c I’m too cheap!

    trkaelin – That’s all folks but he was richer than rich. I didn’t check the link but his kids were on MTV Cribs and their house was crazy!

    atlgirl – I keep thinking about how much I LOVED Kenya…I met Miss America 1993 and remember being fascinated with her and all those pageant girls of the 90s. My childhod has officially died and been buried under a pile of British Knights and L.A. Gears.

    newsroomfan – Yowza! Please tell me you are, or know of, a single man between 29 and 36 who enjoys long walks and trashy TV. I’ve never been told that but you can keep on doing it!

    2muchbravo – Idk why the switch back to Sweetie. Maybe Kim wanted her children to learn the scent of (in)subordination and re-hired her. It seems like a lot of Kim’s real friends are kept off of this show. Then again, I guess the same could be said for most of them.

    Derek Hazelton – I literally broke up with someone because in my words he acted like a “sassy, Black woman.” To this day, I use the same phrase when his name is mentioned. And I just love the word ‘kiki’.

    KJN – I thought size didn’t matter? Lol, this is it. I was shocked at how short this was but I honestly didn’t have much to add to it. I suspect that will change as the crazy is fully spread amongst the cast.

32. 32
    KJN
    Posted November 11, 2012 at 5:00 pm

    D’oh! My bad! I didn’t think it was a mini-cap because it’s short, but because I’m used to a mini before the whole, if that makes sense, lol.

    I also called Kenya, Kendra sooo… maybe I didn’t have enough coffee yet?

33. 33
    featherhead
    Posted November 14, 2012 at 6:12 am

    @L Boogie, the new recap cuts off on the second page – I didn’t know where to post this

34. 34
    L Boogie
    Posted November 14, 2012 at 7:51 am

    Thx featherhead, checking into it now.

35. 35
    LAC
    Posted November 14, 2012 at 12:07 pm

    Love it, L Boogie:

    Already the hateration train is pumped up and ready to go with these bitches:

    NeNe – This above it all, nose in the air princess “rich bitch” stuff is already tiring. You get a moment or two of human and that’s all. It will be fun watching her refereeing the battle of the idiots later this season.

    Kim: You are a trampy vajajay in a wig. No number of kids or wedding rings will change that. You and that Butterfly McQueen assistant of yours can stomp around Kandi’s home and make all the nasty comments you want, but we can see the mattress tied to your back. When is this heiffa leaving?

    Kenya – Holy Moly… delusional did not leave town with Sheree. Is this bitch serious? She has a bodyguard? For what ? Nobody is gonna grab her. She so greasy looking, Crisco must want her as a spokesman. Jermaine Jackson called and the phone slipped out of his hand before he told her to stop. Yeah, there is no baby making penis going in that crazy claptrap without insurance. When someone makes Cynthia look sympathetic, then you know that is not good.

    Kandi – Play on, girl. Cute man, nice home. Looking foward to dildos, music, and telling some blond ‘ho where to go. You can do it!

    Cynthia – Two things wrong here – you still have that agency and Leon is walking around in your house with his shirt on. But I have to give you credit – Kenya would have been pulling her head out of her booty crack if she kept running that mouth of hers much longer.

    Phaedra – still funny, still got Apollo running around with tight shirts. Oh, Lord…animal funerals. ‘Nuff said…