RHOA Recap: Long Cigars and Cabarets

Recaps

By L Boogie | Wednesday, February 13, 2013 | 10:39 am | 25 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Real Housewives of Atlanta, Recaps

It seems like forever since I’ve seen this show! Last week was the Super Bowl so there was no new episode and I’ve gotta say, I wasn’t exactly weeping. I am very eager to see how this pageant turns out but first we have a birthday to plan! Kordell’s 40th birthday is around the corner and Porsha has to find the perfect dress. Her favorite body part is her waist because it’s small in “comportion” to her hips. I want to waterboard this girl until she can speak English. She says that Kordell loves to dress her because she’s his Barbie. Succinctly, Kordell plays with dolls and spends lots of time in the closet. I’d like to say I’m shocked but…yeah.   

“I like this dress because it comes with a subway.”

Lauren: It’s called a train, Porsha.
Diane: Bless her heart.

Phaedra stops by Kandi’s house and I’m officially nominating sweet tea as the 7th housewife. It’s been on the show more than Nene and Dwight combined! Southern readers: Is this how you make sweet tea? From powder?! Or is this the Kandi special? I’m horrified. My mother painstakingly steeps real tea bags and pours her own lethal amount of sugar into a pitcher the size of Kenya’s pointy ass when she makes sweet tea. What I find stranger is that she’s making creamed corn from scratch. Boiling water is so much easier. Anyway, they discuss Kenya’s outfit at the party and  Phaedra thinks Kenya is a fan of hers with her “Home Depot” booty. Anyone know what that means? Is it a booty that no one will help you look for because that’s what happens to me at Home Depot. 


This praise break is brought to you by the Holy Ghost.

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25 Comments

  1. 1
    featherhead
    Posted February 13, 2013 at 11:38 am

    According to Phaedra – HOME DEPOT ASS = An ass filled with construction material, ie. silicone. She answered on WWHL.

    Back to reading!!

  2. 2
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted February 13, 2013 at 11:39 am

    Cynthia was really messy this episode. It was just disgusting. If Porsha and Kordell have a house rule then you should respect it. It wasn’t necessary for her to tell the Bailey Boys that information.

    The guys seem to like Walter so they want him to stick around. I am sure Porsha found some pleasure in inviting Walter and not Kenya also.

  3. 3
    JJ
    Posted February 13, 2013 at 12:22 pm

    I found the house rule super creepy. Seriously your 30 year old wife (not your 15 year old daughter) can not “take appointments” when you are not home.

  4. 4
    CrayCray
    Posted February 13, 2013 at 12:44 pm

    I get the house rule about not having strangers in the house. Kordell was a professional football player. I am sure football players do not just let strangers in their house. I don’t think my husband would want people he don’t know especially men in our house when he isn’t home. I don’t consider that controlling. Because I KNOW I don’t want any strange women in my house if I am not home.

  5. 5
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted February 13, 2013 at 2:08 pm

    I agree Cray. Also you see how dingy and flighty Porsha is…Kordell probably realizes that she’s naive too and that she might let strangers ALL OVER the house instead of keeping them in a regulated space. Seems like Kordell made good money and has managed to keep it so he probably has nice things in his home that some strangers might leave with.

  6. 6
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted February 13, 2013 at 2:11 pm

    I hit post too soon…

    I tend to limit the strangers in my house also. I don’t even answer my door if I don’t know the person. But I also watch ID channel regularly so that could be the reason for that and not the IKEA coffee table that I want to make sure stays in my house.

  7. 7
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted February 13, 2013 at 3:55 pm

    So it’s not just me being ignored at Home Depot?!?!? Good to know lol. I boycotted them for Lowe’s years ago. Back to reading…

  8. 8
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted February 13, 2013 at 5:25 pm

    Ooh Classy, you have to sternly regulate yourself when it comes to Investigation Discovery! My dad loves that shit. He watches like every cable “this is a reenactment” crime show on cable. Like, seriously. He DVRs the ones he misses lol.

    Shout out: Love you, Dad! (And hey, the “To Catch a Predator”s were actually kind of fascinating, in a creepy, ew-gross kinda way.)

  9. 9
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted February 13, 2013 at 7:10 pm

    Kordell wants to keep his dingbat of a beard from letting all of ATL stealing his shit, Ikea or not. I would not want randoms in my house either. Especially if Porsha approves of them.

    Porsha might be but, Kordell is no fool.

    @Classy, look at you using messy and getting all BCG on RHOA. #soproud #ilovemuyikeatabletoo

    This post was brought to you , unbeknownst to and by, #IKEA

  10. 10
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted February 13, 2013 at 7:48 pm

    Kordell doesn’t let strangers in the house mainly because he’s fucking them all in the park.

    If Cynthia was invited sans the Bailey Boys, then why couldn’t Porscha just say that Cynthia is invited to the Stewart residence and not the assistants? By inviting Cynthia only, she could have explained the rule and it would have made more since, considering Cynthia and Kordell went on a Bravo-sponsored vacation together!

    I felt seriously bad for Kenya this episode, but she created the stress with Walter and Phaedra by being an unreasonable liar. So, while I’m glad she doesn’t have cancer and can continue her reign of terror on the rest of the cast, I do hope this scare makes her realize that she doesn’t need to be the center of attention. (Except for the RHOA reunion, of course!).

  11. 11
    Rosemary's Baby
    Posted February 14, 2013 at 2:33 am

    @Classy Drunk. I too am obsessed with the ID Channel–or as we call it in my house, the Murder Channel. I have always been a suspicious person but watching those shows really made me grow eyes in the back of my head. And when will husbands learn that if they kill their wives they’re going to get caught? Brainiacs.

  12. 12
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted February 14, 2013 at 6:28 am

    @ClasSay & @RBaby, I’m a fellow ID addict, but for the life of me I can’t figure out why we insist on calling it Murder and Mayhem rather than the much simpler ID.

    Therapy may be needed.

  13. 13
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted February 14, 2013 at 6:53 am

    You guys should start and ID 12 step. You’re scaring me!

    @Derek, wasn’t Cynthia already over the Casa de Kordell and his half wit’s wife with Nene, for cake and Rose?

    Unless we’re subject to the crafty Bravo editing, they were over the house before this mess.

    I propose a drinking game for those who want to participate. Drink every time Porsha pronounces a word CORRECTLY that way we don’t all end up in the hospital.

  14. 14
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted February 14, 2013 at 8:12 am

    Cynthia was there before with Kandi I think….and Nene.

    If there’s a 12 step program for ID channel then please direct me too it as I am totally addicted. “Who the bleep did I marry” will have me captivated for hours.

  15. 15
    LAC LAC
    Posted February 14, 2013 at 9:08 am

    LOL!! Thank you for the recap – it never leaves me pretard!

    If there was ever an episode that solidifies Porsha’s reign as Princess Dum Dum, this is the one. Strangely, I like watching her struggle to keep up with conversations, think of new made up words to use, and gingerly twist a doorknob that leads to a magical place called “another room”. Kordell? Ugh, he is suffering early from that malady that befalls most of the husbands in the second season – the need to be in the shit all the time.

    Are we really going to watch Nene have phone connection problems? Really? Tell you what, Bravo. I am black and have a cell phone. Pay me some bucks and I can go around my house trying to get connection and evade my husband’s kisses. I do it regularly… :) (Not really, but he likes to poke me playfully)

    Kenya – I know that is was not politically correct, but I did start to laugh at the way the doctor dragged out the results. All that was missing was a curtain and a NEW CARRRR!!!

    Kandi – what will it be next year? A yodeling album? Gospel music and dildos – that will make an interesting launch party, that’s for sure. LMAO on the chipmunk vibrato, LBoogie.

    Cynthia – what is with these heiffas and their hissing gay entourages? And are those glasses for real or are they the standard issue accessory for models so that they look smart?

    Phaedra – one of these days, her face is going to freeze into one of those eye rolling “honey chile” looks she gives every episode. And damn it, where is Apollo with his shirt off and mouth closed? :)

  16. 16
    newsroomfan
    Posted February 14, 2013 at 3:29 pm

    funniest comment ever:

    Gregg looks like a creepy tortoise.

  17. 17
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted February 14, 2013 at 3:38 pm

    @Gypsy, with so many show airing from Atlanta right now I can’t keep all of them straight, but glad that you liked I used messy here with RHOA.

    IKEA furniture RULES!

  18. 18
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted February 14, 2013 at 6:01 pm

    @LAC – Question for you: As this is my first season watching RHOA (and I’m guessing watching Nene on Celebrity Apprentice didn’t count), I’m truly curious about something…does Phaedra *always* talk like that? And make those faces?

    All of the other ladies have real conversations about everyday life, and they might jump into a “Giiiirrl… ” every so often, but on occasion! Phaedra does not, under any circumstance, lose the “Oooh child let me tell you SOMEthing…” or some other sort of phaedra -speak. Does she realize you can just tell a story without the ‘faces’ and the cray cray way of making herself sound silly (or like she’s a twelve year old girl telling her friend from school a story).

    This damn tablet is being a bitch tonight, so I apologize for weird words and horrid sentence formation :-D

  19. 19
    LAC LAC
    Posted February 14, 2013 at 6:15 pm

    @amy: LOL! yes she does! It is always those faces and those sounds. When she was pregnant the first season she was kn, the face took on a Disney blowfish look. She would draw out the “mmmm” sound with mama pastor Regina.

  20. 20
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted February 14, 2013 at 7:15 pm

    Oh mercy…Phaedra preggers just might be a bit much “honey chile!!” for my brain to take. Wow. And DAMN chick’s face is made out of silly-putty or some such shit lol….shecan slap it up, flip it, rub it down, oh nooooo!! LOL.

  21. 21
    emerthorne
    Posted February 15, 2013 at 6:45 am

    I just have to say that I only catch bits of this show from time to time, but I never miss your recaps LBoogie. You freakin slay me! So much so that now I’m reading your For the Love of Ray J recaps, I did watch that & now your recaps are cracking me up.

  22. 22
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted February 15, 2013 at 1:54 pm

    @emerthorne: I don’t want to speak for Ms. Boogie, but I guess I kinda will! She loooves getting comments like yours (I posted one when I first started watching), but she has a hard time responding as she’s a bit internet-device-communication challenged lol. I just know she loves her Gasmii readers :-D

  23. 23
    emerthorne
    Posted February 17, 2013 at 9:48 am

    @AmyOops-Thanks, I think I remember reading about her technical issues, I always read the comments too. You guys are too funny.

  24. 24
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted February 17, 2013 at 4:02 pm

    Awww, @emerthorne. What a nice compliment…and there sure are lots of Gasmii that have me literally laughing (and snorting) out loud!

  25. 25
    Loving RHOA
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 7:04 pm

    Love this blog!

    1st, you have to know what to say and when. If you decided not to have strangers over, then you don’t say that. You make a polite excuse that the cleaning people are coming over that day. What she said was insulting.

    Then you take a call in the presence of the people you call strangers and SAY, you never met the cleaning people who were coming over. Dingbat moment of this season!

    Cynthia is finally playing hard balled with the rest of these girls, instead of trying to hide in a shell or play Ms. Nicety Nice! Call her messy, call her 2- faced ; I just saying she is finally standing on her own two feet and being heard. Congrats and about time.

    Kenya, I’m happy after the surgery you understand what being supportive means. You are too scripted. Hope to see you off the show.

    Kandi know how to make money. Apollo said it – gospel music is the highest paying genre. BOOM and there you have it. I guess with Kandi Factory we must warn the winner not to sign with her. Just ask Ms. Lawrence, still wanting to get paid.

    Phaedra, Kenya said it well – you don’t have the body to make a fitness video. Phaedra eye rolls and she just want to be me comment is not working or fooling anyone. Kenya showed you how tacky you really are. Granted wrong place, wrong time – great message and hilarious to boot or booty.

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