RHOA Recap: Movin’ On Back…To The Townhouse

Recaps

By L Boogie | Monday, November 26, 2012 | 1:57 pm | 15 Comments
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Posted in: Real Housewives of Atlanta, Recaps

Back at Casa Del Nightmarios, Kim is still cursing profusely at everyone. I’m no prude but isn’t it just annoying to hear all of that. These people are being paid to make your life a little easier so take it easy, moron! She discovers that the movers have started labeling her basement boxes “basement mix” which throws her into yet another tantrum.

Kim: Basement mix! How am I supposed to find anything?
Movers: Honestly ma’am, we weren’t sure if it was legal to mark this box “two leftover daughters from some other guys.”

Sweetie takes Kim aside and literally has to tell her that she can not curse at these people. Kim feels that if she is paying them $10,000 to do this task, she should be able to say f*** you to all involved. Sweetie tries to give her a lesson in etiquette 47 years too late and advises that these men, much like terrorists, will grow two heads to replace the one she cuts down. Then, they will memorize her address, kidnap Sweetie for ransom and then be sorely disappointed when Kim refuses to pay anything to get her back. Kim turns on the sympathy and says that like, for real sweetie, weird stuff has been happening in the house since they’ve lived there. I mean, really strange stuff i.e. credit checks, appraisals, AMEX bills. She was literally just saying this was her dream home two weeks ago and now it’s haunted. Just cut it out Kim. And cut Sweetie’s bangs while you’re at it.   

Phaedra takes Ayden for his first haircut at a barbershop. I am not a sucker for kids at all but this little boy is so unbelievably cute. You can tell Apollo absolutely loves being a father too. They just melt my heart when they’re all on the screen. It also gives me hope that I might still get married and have kids if she can do it. I’ll have to wait in front of my local jail but luckily there’s one in walking distance from my house and it’s right across from a taco spot. Life is looking better already. Ayden is a little scared to go inside.

“No mommy! I don’t want to start working yet!”

Ayden always gets what he wants and Apollo takes his place at yet another job.

 To date, he is a master barber who specializes in asset recovery whilst personal training corpses.

Apollo is the hardest working husband I think I’ve ever seen. And the cutest. In order to make Ayden more comfortable with the process, Apollo starts his haircut and Phaedra takes off Ayden’s shirt. I have two brothers and I do not recall them ever taking off their clothes to get their hair cut. Ayden is all man though. He says those three words all ATL parents want to hear: “I love fish.” Apollo, Phaedra and the barber discuss the $20,000 birthday party Phaedra is throwing for him. The guys think it’s silly and he won’t remember but Phaedra thinks he’s a prince and should be treated as such. I think they’re all full of crap and know that she needs some kind of storyline to be on this show and a gaudy kid’s party is the way to do it.

Porsha is in the kitchen cooking and looking less horse-y this week. Yay for baseball caps! She’s making sausage and eggs for her husband and based on his “Heeeyyyy” when he walked into the door, he likes the sausage part a whole lot. They’re discussing a wedding they’re attending that night and he asks if any of her friends will be there. She says that Kenya definitely won’t be there. Kordell asks if she’s Miss USA. He got it right! Told you he likes that sausage. When she dismisses it, he actually corrects her and says that they’re two different things. I sense that he knows his wife is an airhead and is trying to teach her.

Porsha claims that Kenya’s attitude is what made her flub the title, Kordell confirms that she apologized to Kenya because he has manners. Porsha says she apologized twice and it was just a fraudulent slip. OMG! Okay, so the bimbo act is not an act. I predict that Porsha will put out a cookbook showing women how to make sausage and eggs, but never during “time of month” and her entire Williams family will be brought onto the show next season to take her down. 

Kordell thinks that Kenya’s perceived attitude may have had nothing to do with her or the event. Damn, he’s good. Wrong, but good at deflecting attention. Much like he did to those supposed rumors about his, ahem, preference. Porsha feels that Kenya is an older lady who may have low self-esteem. Oh, here we go. I can’t stand when women pull the “old” card. Men do it too but women pull it more often and at younger ages. Porsha seems like a girl who went to the club when she was 23 and made fun of all of the 30 year olds who were out there too. Now that she’s in her 30′s, she’s picking on the one’s in their 40′s. By the way, Kordell and Kenya are about the same age. As much as Porsha is trying to throw out the “it was so long ago…no one even remembers” line, let the record show that Porsha invited her!  She even asked Kenya to wear the crown and sashay which says that she’s very much aware of Kenya and what she’s accomplished. Kenya does it too though so I suppose all’s fair in old hags and war.

Porsha says that she and Kenya will never be friends and Kordell wisely espouses that “one bad apple can’t make the pot go like that.” Love it. They are so going to give Phaedra’s Phaedra-isms a run for her money and general donkey behavior. Oh, and Porsha announces that she’s burned the biscuits. I think that’s the term they use when she’s thought too hard.

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15 Comments

  1. 1
    NotWithoutMyTV NotWithoutMyTV
    Posted November 26, 2012 at 2:32 pm

    If you rate her by swears per minute of screentime (SPMS), Kim Z. is the most vulgar human being alive (actually edging out Juicy Joe on RHONJ by two ‘fucks’ and a ‘shit’.)

  2. 2
    Joslyn
    Posted November 26, 2012 at 2:49 pm

    I’m gonna start saying “I’m sleepy” like Ayden when I want to get out of stuff.

  3. 3
    SurrealGirl
    Posted November 27, 2012 at 7:55 am

    This season Sweetie seems more professional, which is nice to see. However, I’m expecting it to be short-lived. I do like Kim, but her vulgar language around her daughters is appalling. I’m a bit unclear about the townhouse. Big Poppa footed the bill for that, but why does she still have it if she’s done with Big Poppa? He’s still paying her bills? I don’t know about any of you, but exes are exes. After any of MY relationships ended, I’d throw out anything that the ex gave me. And with the price of gold these days, I’ve cleaned up by selling the jewelry that one ex gave me. Kim, take note. Do the same and clean house with the crap Big Poppa gave you. LIQUIDATE, girl! You’ll get a few car payments out of it, at the very least! Maybe even a wig!
    Kim’s comments about Kandi’s neighborhood were terribly racist. Kandi is no ghetto girl. You had to lock the doors? What the hell kind of car do you have that doesn’t have automatically locking doors anyway? Damn girl, my Corolla does that. And you have one of them F.A.N.C.Y. cars? Or is your car a rental, just like your dream home?
    Phaedra. What the hell is up with Phaedra? First season I was floored when she said her baby looked Chinese, and looked like an alien. Somehow the alien comment came from one of the other girl’s mouths. WHAT? Dwight keeps planning these \boughetto\ par-tays. Good grief. And now her donkey booty is making phone calls. Supposedly. Which \friend\ of NeNe’s would have gotten the donkey booty call? Maybe the same person who was texting Jacqueline on RHONJ ? Fishy.

  4. 4
    Melesia
    Posted November 27, 2012 at 9:42 am

    Okay even though I think Kenya is a psyco hot buttered missed, I agree with her about being pissed off with Miss. Porsha getting her title wrong. This was suppose to be a charity event for Feed the Hungry and it looked like a cheap a** wedding reception!. Also, people from Feed the Hungry make her stop representing the charity…..she is giving it a bad face and a dumb one at that!

  5. 5
    Pari
    Posted November 27, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    GREAT recap! Your version of the convo between Phaedra and Cynthia was 10 times better than the real one. I did find it funny how Phaedra totally dodged the confrontation though.

    Kim is ridiculous, and I wish she would go away forever never to return. Who in the world watched her spinoff and led Andy to sign her up for another one?

    Porsha, bless her heart, is a few sandwiches short of a picnic.

  6. 6
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted November 27, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    I love the Dolphin Show. It does start out kinda corny but the ending is amazing!

  7. 7
    annie annie
    Posted November 27, 2012 at 6:13 pm

    Dolphins and Dwight…OMG. Seriously, looking at Dwight, if I didnt know better I would have thought Ayden’s party was at “Maddame Tussaud”s Wax Museum”. EEK!!

    Porsha’s man is cuuuuute. But not as cute as my favorite ex-con Appollo. He was lookin’ good with those clippers!

    Aye aye aye, what the hell is with Kroy? Dude, you are about to move into the condo bought for your wife by the married dude she was banging for years. WHY? Is he that desperate for a place, that broke, or that dumb? Kim has his balls in a jar somewhere, I’m sure. Probably in that “basement mix” box.

    And I said it once before, but I will say it again: Nene needs to stop buying her wigs from the “Village of the Damned” collection, seriously.

  8. 8
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted November 28, 2012 at 9:13 am

    Dolphin rape is a serious thing. Glad everyone stayed out of the water!

    Porche, damn girl. Burn the biscuits again? I wonder if she has NOT burned them.

    On WWHL Kenya claimed her hair is real. It IS gorgeous but I am not convinced it’s all hers.

    Any thoughts Gasmii? If it’s fake maybe we can hook her up with Ad from RHOBH! I’m starting a collection.

  9. 9
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted November 28, 2012 at 9:50 am

    Kandi’s not like that because she’s rich. It’s because of home training. And being Southern. But not the trashy kind. It’s hard to explain. Because in the movies anybody from there that acts polite is an old timey stuck up white racist being fake.

    In real life though there’s a lot of regular people that keep some old ways. But just about politeness. So they can still sell sex toys. Plus Kandi’s talented and made her own $. She doesn’t have jackshit to prove about jackshit. Much less about a ho that’s won the Guiness World Record for being trashy. That in her heart she feels sorry for.

    That’s how Porsha should’ve turned out. Her family’s head’s got to be exploding right now. Because she really was born a civil rights royalty Princess. My guess is they could tell from the start she’s dumb as a box of hair. And were hoping if they kept her in fancy enough schools that’d help. But all that happened was she didn’t get her home training. And ended up on a reality show. At least they’d got her name off of hosea.org the last time I looked.

  10. 10
    LAC LAC
    Posted November 28, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    L Boogie – my hat is off to you! Three times you watched this thing? Bless you and great recap!

    Kim: The shut the fuck up button can not be hit harder with this trashy bitch. I cannot wait until she waddles off to pollute the Bravo airwaves at another time period that I will not be watching. Jesus, you heiffa, there are five year olds on juice box highs who are more mature than you. You are giving birth to a baby, not the son of God. The whining, spoiled 16 year old act is as tired as your vagina. Just leave already…

    Kenya – oh, crazy Crisco Kenya. I am waiting for her to come out in a bridal veil and bikini for the next date with Walter. I mean, she has been so subtle about marriage and children :) , maybe this will make it clear to him where she wants things to go. I love how her family seems to be aware of her crisco craziness.

    Porsha – did she borrow the hamster that runs Alex Bellino’s brain? And yeah, I heard about the hubby too. Hope she knows that chanel bag is a shared gift, oooookay? (loved that caption of her lying down on in the rock climbing area)

    Kandi – good dodge with mom wanting to move in. Damn, how are you going to have Kandi coated nights with your man if momma Joyce is around trying on wigs?

    Nene – yeah, you fly above all the haters… after making sure that you pass some “recorded butt voicemail” to poor Cynthia to give her something to do while she looks for a short bus to take her Bailey school students on field trips to the “real” New York.

    Phaedra – what is an Atlanta season without a cray cray party for widdle boo (OMG, he is edible cute…like his daddy!) Nice to see that Dwight managed to find his way out of a bat cave to help out.
    L Boogie, I agree with you about the future written on her face. And based on Reverend momma, she will have room to write the rest of it on her ass. I much preferred your interpretation of that conversation with Cynthia. The passive aggressive Cynthia vs Scarlett O’Weavy was so freaking lame.

    Next week – bye ‘ho!

  11. 11
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted November 28, 2012 at 1:32 pm

    @L Boogie you and @LAC both make me laugh so hard I can’t even type straight.

    And I really don’t think it’s a medication issue this time.

  12. 12
    aliens.rock
    Posted November 29, 2012 at 6:23 pm

    I can’t wait for Porsha to say that some people are hungry not only on Thanksgiving, but all 265 (!) days in the year. Her grasp on social issues (recession) and below Kindergarten level of calendar knowledge is shattering. Only in our society stupidity is admired and encouraged on reality TV….

  13. 13
    placidplace
    Posted December 2, 2012 at 8:43 pm

    First time to post…As a white women I can say without reservation that Kim is white trash. If Santa Clause ever wanted to give me something for Christmas it would be that i never had to see her on tv EVER- not smacking food, showing off her boobs or bossing around sweetie. And in the name of all that is wholly do not let her get her own show. Please let her live out the remaining days of her life in complete obscurity. Please? Please?

  14. 14
    susanl
    Posted December 4, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    There needs to be a drinking game where Kim says \Stressed\ or \freaked out\. It’s every other word and I’ve YET to see her do anything to move. You can’t do that with her F or S words because you would be falling down drunk after the first 10 minutes of her talking.
    She just waddles around cussing at everyone but hasn’t lifted one finger except to eat something. Good grief, she’s already popped out 3 kids and you’d think doing anything would kill her with this one.

  15. 15
    NewYawka
    Posted December 10, 2012 at 5:09 pm

    Okay….WTF is wrong with that Kenya guy? Desperate, too much testosterone, and inappropriate. If skanky Walter proposes to her, he’s just as bi-polar as she is. I’m betting the bus that she has a penis under that dress. Oh so unattractive and totally yuk.

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