RHOA Recap: Movin’ On Back…To The Townhouse

Recaps

By L Boogie | Monday, November 26, 2012 | 1:57 pm | 15 Comments
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Posted in: Real Housewives of Atlanta, Recaps

Nene and Cynthia get together for lunch and they discuss the way Kim left Nene’s event. Nene repeats what everyone else has said which is that Kim always makes an excuse to leave early. Then they play charades.

Nene: Who am I?

 Cynthia: Kim waiting for Sweetie to wipe her butt!

Nene: How about now?


Cynthia: The face you make when Gregg sucks your toes!

Now that Cynthia’s warmed up, Nene breaks the news. Phaedra butt dialed and left a voicemail talking about Cynthia. Phaedra basically says that Cynthia can’t make Ayden’s birthday party but she doesn’t give a F-U-C-K. I don’t know that I’ve ever really heard Cynthia curse and I definitely never heard Phaedra curse so this is like a big deal. I think the producers just insisted that they have a storyline and made Phaedra sit on her phone until she could get Cynthia’s number right. I must say, that was the clearest “butt dial” I’ve ever heard.

Lest we forget she exists, Porsha is the proud owner of this week’s throwaway scene. She’s working out with her sister at a rock climbing gym.


“Am I doing it right?” 

Kenya makes a lovely dinner for Walter except she didn’t make t so much as she bought it from the store. Somehow I missed this even though I saw the episode three times but apparently she even dirtied up some pans for authenticity. Hey, at least she’s thorough. Now if she’d just gotten rid of the CAMERA CREW that’d be even better. On WWHL, she said that she can cook  but she didn’t have time. I believe her. You don’t come from Detroit with mommy issues and have a family in Georgia and not learn how to cook. She continues to talk about marriage and babies with Walter and he continues to chug until the night becomes bearable. She advises that there’s no pressure as she’s not ovulating today. OMG! This woman is going to scare this guy off. Then again, straight Black men in Atlanta might not be the easiest thing to come by and she’s painfully aware of her limited options. I’m not judging, it’s just what I’ve heard. If she were a man acting like this, I’d have been gone. It makes me wonder why Walter is sticking around. Is he into her or her celebrity-ish status? He asked out Kandi…he was at a ”celebrity” bowling event…he doesn’t mind being on RHOA. Seems a little fishy. She needs to broaden her horizons before she ends up like Patti Stanger; single, 50 and still planning on having a baby.  


“I hope babies don’t eat this much.”


Cynthia calls Phaedra so they can have lunch. First things first, Phaedra is not a bad-looking girl but her future is written clearly all over her face. I really wonder if Apollo is going to ride this marriage out and maybe fool around on the side or just leave her eventually. They seem to have an okay relationship but I don’t totally buy it. Also, someone mentioned last week that Phaedra is always squeezing her boobs into tiny bras. Yes! I almost mentioned it last week but tried to be nice. She needs to stop immediately. It just looks gross. Anyway, I’ve got to be honest. I saw this episode three times and I can barely remember this scene. Correct me if I ‘m wrong but I think it went something like this:

“Someone told me you didn’t give an F-U-C-K if I came to your party?

“You can spell?”


“Don’t try to distract me. I will not rest until this is resolved. I even have a voicemail of you saying it!”

“I think something bit my bosom. Let me squeeze my ample cleavage together and giggle so I can check.”


“I thought we made up after last year. We need to get to the bottom of this.”

“I just can’t seem to focus what with me paying for lunch and all.”

“Okay, but that’s only going to work one more time!”

Kim goes back to the townhouse with the girls and Sweetie. She says that she’s declined three offers on it. The Board of Health offered to raze it, burn it down or donate it to science but she declined because God had a plan. Yes, I’m sure having four kids with three men, having an affair with a married man, losing her hair to imaginary cancer, squeezing in a lesbian tabloid tryst and being evicted were all part of His master plan to set you up in a penthouse at the W. Apparently, Kim can not stay in the townhouse until it’s all set up – she’s pregnant you know.I’ve never had a baby, and I know that Kim’s uterati is way more important than anyone else’s in the world, but don’t women that live in huts, prison camps, caves and Arkansas have kids? What’s so horrendous about having her shiny new boys in her old home. I get not wanting to move backwards but this is what happens when priorities are skewed. I can;t even imagine the amount of money they’re going to blow at the hotel. Kim laments the fact that she won’t be able to tan because there’s no “privateness” as Sweetie calls it. Life blows!

Kim takes a glance over at Sweetie and realizes that she’s eaten the glazed donuts. Kim ominously warns that they were Kroy’s. Now I’ve heard stories about the fear and uncertainty that struck the hearts and souls of those who traversed the Underground Railroad but that was no match for what I saw on Sweetie’s face in that instant. Kim realizes that her disciplinary tools are still packed away in the box labeled “dungeon mix” and that the cameras are on her so she softens and says that since Sweetie has worked for 18 hours without sleep, food or a fresh wig, she can have one. Sweetie admits that she ate two. Scene fades to black.

 

If you have any information on Sweetie’s potential whereabouts please contact the local authorities. She was last seen with an uprooted palm tree sticking out of her ass. What’d you all think? As crazy as Kenya is, she did something to me. I’m really liking her for some reason. Oh, and next week Porsha is going to give us a good dose of dumb! I can not wait for Apollo and Kenya to meet on next week’s episode and it’s finally the big explosion. MAke no mistake, everyone (at least the producers and probably Nene) knew that this was Kim’s last hurrah. What other reason would there be for her to actually film with anyone else?

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15 Comments

  1. 1
    NotWithoutMyTV NotWithoutMyTV
    Posted November 26, 2012 at 2:32 pm

    If you rate her by swears per minute of screentime (SPMS), Kim Z. is the most vulgar human being alive (actually edging out Juicy Joe on RHONJ by two ‘fucks’ and a ‘shit’.)

  2. 2
    Joslyn
    Posted November 26, 2012 at 2:49 pm

    I’m gonna start saying “I’m sleepy” like Ayden when I want to get out of stuff.

  3. 3
    SurrealGirl
    Posted November 27, 2012 at 7:55 am

    This season Sweetie seems more professional, which is nice to see. However, I’m expecting it to be short-lived. I do like Kim, but her vulgar language around her daughters is appalling. I’m a bit unclear about the townhouse. Big Poppa footed the bill for that, but why does she still have it if she’s done with Big Poppa? He’s still paying her bills? I don’t know about any of you, but exes are exes. After any of MY relationships ended, I’d throw out anything that the ex gave me. And with the price of gold these days, I’ve cleaned up by selling the jewelry that one ex gave me. Kim, take note. Do the same and clean house with the crap Big Poppa gave you. LIQUIDATE, girl! You’ll get a few car payments out of it, at the very least! Maybe even a wig!
    Kim’s comments about Kandi’s neighborhood were terribly racist. Kandi is no ghetto girl. You had to lock the doors? What the hell kind of car do you have that doesn’t have automatically locking doors anyway? Damn girl, my Corolla does that. And you have one of them F.A.N.C.Y. cars? Or is your car a rental, just like your dream home?
    Phaedra. What the hell is up with Phaedra? First season I was floored when she said her baby looked Chinese, and looked like an alien. Somehow the alien comment came from one of the other girl’s mouths. WHAT? Dwight keeps planning these \boughetto\ par-tays. Good grief. And now her donkey booty is making phone calls. Supposedly. Which \friend\ of NeNe’s would have gotten the donkey booty call? Maybe the same person who was texting Jacqueline on RHONJ ? Fishy.

  4. 4
    Melesia
    Posted November 27, 2012 at 9:42 am

    Okay even though I think Kenya is a psyco hot buttered missed, I agree with her about being pissed off with Miss. Porsha getting her title wrong. This was suppose to be a charity event for Feed the Hungry and it looked like a cheap a** wedding reception!. Also, people from Feed the Hungry make her stop representing the charity…..she is giving it a bad face and a dumb one at that!

  5. 5
    Pari
    Posted November 27, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    GREAT recap! Your version of the convo between Phaedra and Cynthia was 10 times better than the real one. I did find it funny how Phaedra totally dodged the confrontation though.

    Kim is ridiculous, and I wish she would go away forever never to return. Who in the world watched her spinoff and led Andy to sign her up for another one?

    Porsha, bless her heart, is a few sandwiches short of a picnic.

  6. 6
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted November 27, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    I love the Dolphin Show. It does start out kinda corny but the ending is amazing!

  7. 7
    annie annie
    Posted November 27, 2012 at 6:13 pm

    Dolphins and Dwight…OMG. Seriously, looking at Dwight, if I didnt know better I would have thought Ayden’s party was at “Maddame Tussaud”s Wax Museum”. EEK!!

    Porsha’s man is cuuuuute. But not as cute as my favorite ex-con Appollo. He was lookin’ good with those clippers!

    Aye aye aye, what the hell is with Kroy? Dude, you are about to move into the condo bought for your wife by the married dude she was banging for years. WHY? Is he that desperate for a place, that broke, or that dumb? Kim has his balls in a jar somewhere, I’m sure. Probably in that “basement mix” box.

    And I said it once before, but I will say it again: Nene needs to stop buying her wigs from the “Village of the Damned” collection, seriously.

  8. 8
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted November 28, 2012 at 9:13 am

    Dolphin rape is a serious thing. Glad everyone stayed out of the water!

    Porche, damn girl. Burn the biscuits again? I wonder if she has NOT burned them.

    On WWHL Kenya claimed her hair is real. It IS gorgeous but I am not convinced it’s all hers.

    Any thoughts Gasmii? If it’s fake maybe we can hook her up with Ad from RHOBH! I’m starting a collection.

  9. 9
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted November 28, 2012 at 9:50 am

    Kandi’s not like that because she’s rich. It’s because of home training. And being Southern. But not the trashy kind. It’s hard to explain. Because in the movies anybody from there that acts polite is an old timey stuck up white racist being fake.

    In real life though there’s a lot of regular people that keep some old ways. But just about politeness. So they can still sell sex toys. Plus Kandi’s talented and made her own $. She doesn’t have jackshit to prove about jackshit. Much less about a ho that’s won the Guiness World Record for being trashy. That in her heart she feels sorry for.

    That’s how Porsha should’ve turned out. Her family’s head’s got to be exploding right now. Because she really was born a civil rights royalty Princess. My guess is they could tell from the start she’s dumb as a box of hair. And were hoping if they kept her in fancy enough schools that’d help. But all that happened was she didn’t get her home training. And ended up on a reality show. At least they’d got her name off of hosea.org the last time I looked.

  10. 10
    LAC LAC
    Posted November 28, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    L Boogie – my hat is off to you! Three times you watched this thing? Bless you and great recap!

    Kim: The shut the fuck up button can not be hit harder with this trashy bitch. I cannot wait until she waddles off to pollute the Bravo airwaves at another time period that I will not be watching. Jesus, you heiffa, there are five year olds on juice box highs who are more mature than you. You are giving birth to a baby, not the son of God. The whining, spoiled 16 year old act is as tired as your vagina. Just leave already…

    Kenya – oh, crazy Crisco Kenya. I am waiting for her to come out in a bridal veil and bikini for the next date with Walter. I mean, she has been so subtle about marriage and children :) , maybe this will make it clear to him where she wants things to go. I love how her family seems to be aware of her crisco craziness.

    Porsha – did she borrow the hamster that runs Alex Bellino’s brain? And yeah, I heard about the hubby too. Hope she knows that chanel bag is a shared gift, oooookay? (loved that caption of her lying down on in the rock climbing area)

    Kandi – good dodge with mom wanting to move in. Damn, how are you going to have Kandi coated nights with your man if momma Joyce is around trying on wigs?

    Nene – yeah, you fly above all the haters… after making sure that you pass some “recorded butt voicemail” to poor Cynthia to give her something to do while she looks for a short bus to take her Bailey school students on field trips to the “real” New York.

    Phaedra – what is an Atlanta season without a cray cray party for widdle boo (OMG, he is edible cute…like his daddy!) Nice to see that Dwight managed to find his way out of a bat cave to help out.
    L Boogie, I agree with you about the future written on her face. And based on Reverend momma, she will have room to write the rest of it on her ass. I much preferred your interpretation of that conversation with Cynthia. The passive aggressive Cynthia vs Scarlett O’Weavy was so freaking lame.

    Next week – bye ‘ho!

  11. 11
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted November 28, 2012 at 1:32 pm

    @L Boogie you and @LAC both make me laugh so hard I can’t even type straight.

    And I really don’t think it’s a medication issue this time.

  12. 12
    aliens.rock
    Posted November 29, 2012 at 6:23 pm

    I can’t wait for Porsha to say that some people are hungry not only on Thanksgiving, but all 265 (!) days in the year. Her grasp on social issues (recession) and below Kindergarten level of calendar knowledge is shattering. Only in our society stupidity is admired and encouraged on reality TV….

  13. 13
    placidplace
    Posted December 2, 2012 at 8:43 pm

    First time to post…As a white women I can say without reservation that Kim is white trash. If Santa Clause ever wanted to give me something for Christmas it would be that i never had to see her on tv EVER- not smacking food, showing off her boobs or bossing around sweetie. And in the name of all that is wholly do not let her get her own show. Please let her live out the remaining days of her life in complete obscurity. Please? Please?

  14. 14
    susanl
    Posted December 4, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    There needs to be a drinking game where Kim says \Stressed\ or \freaked out\. It’s every other word and I’ve YET to see her do anything to move. You can’t do that with her F or S words because you would be falling down drunk after the first 10 minutes of her talking.
    She just waddles around cussing at everyone but hasn’t lifted one finger except to eat something. Good grief, she’s already popped out 3 kids and you’d think doing anything would kill her with this one.

  15. 15
    NewYawka
    Posted December 10, 2012 at 5:09 pm

    Okay….WTF is wrong with that Kenya guy? Desperate, too much testosterone, and inappropriate. If skanky Walter proposes to her, he’s just as bi-polar as she is. I’m betting the bus that she has a penis under that dress. Oh so unattractive and totally yuk.

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