Nene and Cynthia get together for lunch and they discuss the way Kim left Nene’s event. Nene repeats what everyone else has said which is that Kim always makes an excuse to leave early. Then they play charades.
Nene: Who am I?
Cynthia: Kim waiting for Sweetie to wipe her butt!
Nene: How about now?
Cynthia: The face you make when Gregg sucks your toes!
Now that Cynthia’s warmed up, Nene breaks the news. Phaedra butt dialed and left a voicemail talking about Cynthia. Phaedra basically says that Cynthia can’t make Ayden’s birthday party but she doesn’t give a F-U-C-K. I don’t know that I’ve ever really heard Cynthia curse and I definitely never heard Phaedra curse so this is like a big deal. I think the producers just insisted that they have a storyline and made Phaedra sit on her phone until she could get Cynthia’s number right. I must say, that was the clearest “butt dial” I’ve ever heard.
Lest we forget she exists, Porsha is the proud owner of this week’s throwaway scene. She’s working out with her sister at a rock climbing gym.
“Am I doing it right?”
Kenya makes a lovely dinner for Walter except she didn’t make t so much as she bought it from the store. Somehow I missed this even though I saw the episode three times but apparently she even dirtied up some pans for authenticity. Hey, at least she’s thorough. Now if she’d just gotten rid of the CAMERA CREW that’d be even better. On WWHL, she said that she can cook but she didn’t have time. I believe her. You don’t come from Detroit with mommy issues and have a family in Georgia and not learn how to cook. She continues to talk about marriage and babies with Walter and he continues to chug until the night becomes bearable. She advises that there’s no pressure as she’s not ovulating today. OMG! This woman is going to scare this guy off. Then again, straight Black men in Atlanta might not be the easiest thing to come by and she’s painfully aware of her limited options. I’m not judging, it’s just what I’ve heard. If she were a man acting like this, I’d have been gone. It makes me wonder why Walter is sticking around. Is he into her or her celebrity-ish status? He asked out Kandi…he was at a ”celebrity” bowling event…he doesn’t mind being on RHOA. Seems a little fishy. She needs to broaden her horizons before she ends up like Patti Stanger; single, 50 and still planning on having a baby.
“I hope babies don’t eat this much.”
Cynthia calls Phaedra so they can have lunch. First things first, Phaedra is not a bad-looking girl but her future is written clearly all over her face. I really wonder if Apollo is going to ride this marriage out and maybe fool around on the side or just leave her eventually. They seem to have an okay relationship but I don’t totally buy it. Also, someone mentioned last week that Phaedra is always squeezing her boobs into tiny bras. Yes! I almost mentioned it last week but tried to be nice. She needs to stop immediately. It just looks gross. Anyway, I’ve got to be honest. I saw this episode three times and I can barely remember this scene. Correct me if I ‘m wrong but I think it went something like this:
“Someone told me you didn’t give an F-U-C-K if I came to your party?
“You can spell?”
“Don’t try to distract me. I will not rest until this is resolved. I even have a voicemail of you saying it!”
“I think something bit my bosom. Let me squeeze my ample cleavage together and giggle so I can check.”
“I thought we made up after last year. We need to get to the bottom of this.”
“I just can’t seem to focus what with me paying for lunch and all.”
“Okay, but that’s only going to work one more time!”
Kim goes back to the townhouse with the girls and Sweetie. She says that she’s declined three offers on it. The Board of Health offered to raze it, burn it down or donate it to science but she declined because God had a plan. Yes, I’m sure having four kids with three men, having an affair with a married man, losing her hair to imaginary cancer, squeezing in a lesbian tabloid tryst and being evicted were all part of His master plan to set you up in a penthouse at the W. Apparently, Kim can not stay in the townhouse until it’s all set up – she’s pregnant you know.I’ve never had a baby, and I know that Kim’s uterati is way more important than anyone else’s in the world, but don’t women that live in huts, prison camps, caves and Arkansas have kids? What’s so horrendous about having her shiny new boys in her old home. I get not wanting to move backwards but this is what happens when priorities are skewed. I can;t even imagine the amount of money they’re going to blow at the hotel. Kim laments the fact that she won’t be able to tan because there’s no “privateness” as Sweetie calls it. Life blows!
Kim takes a glance over at Sweetie and realizes that she’s eaten the glazed donuts. Kim ominously warns that they were Kroy’s. Now I’ve heard stories about the fear and uncertainty that struck the hearts and souls of those who traversed the Underground Railroad but that was no match for what I saw on Sweetie’s face in that instant. Kim realizes that her disciplinary tools are still packed away in the box labeled “dungeon mix” and that the cameras are on her so she softens and says that since Sweetie has worked for 18 hours without sleep, food or a fresh wig, she can have one. Sweetie admits that she ate two. Scene fades to black.
If you have any information on Sweetie’s potential whereabouts please contact the local authorities. She was last seen with an uprooted palm tree sticking out of her ass. What’d you all think? As crazy as Kenya is, she did something to me. I’m really liking her for some reason. Oh, and next week Porsha is going to give us a good dose of dumb! I can not wait for Apollo and Kenya to meet on next week’s episode and it’s finally the big explosion. MAke no mistake, everyone (at least the producers and probably Nene) knew that this was Kim’s last hurrah. What other reason would there be for her to actually film with anyone else?