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It’s time for the big pageant. Miss Recognizance 2012 brought to you by Cynthia Bailey in Conjunction with the builders of the Titanic and Sesame Street. This failure is brought to you by the letter 3. I seriously can’t wait to see what this pageant has in store and neither can Kenya. Kenya is feeling easy, breezy, beautiful since her non-cancer diagnosis and has offered Cynthia the life of one teenage beauty queen for the chance to be a pageant judge. Just like in the Bible days. Cynthia quickly agrees because she’s eager to stay on Team Kenya since Team Porsha crashed and burned like Porsha’s attempt to work unsupervised.
Porsha meets Kordell at a restaurant and it seems like they haven’t seen each other since the last episode. He sure does have a lot of out of town business. What is it? I feel like his business involves fists, cuffs and bear traps. Or Twinkie traps. Anyway, he asks the waiter what’s good there. Drum roll please: fucking pizza. He’s basically at a glorified Domino’s. If the best thing a restaurant can offer is pizza, take down the grandstanding a bit. Anyway, Porsha asks for Sprite but Kordell shuts that down like his Grindr app when she walks into a room. He tells her to get wine and she reacts like it’s a great decision.
Porsha has been working more hours since she dropped the ball on the pageant. The irony is that Cynthia needed one document from the charity and couldn’t get it yet Porsha is at the charity all the time now. Anyway, Kordell says fuck the hungry and homeless, he wants her home more. Porsha realizes that this comes out of Kordell’s desire for a traditional marriage. You know, one in which the woman can take body blows and still have dinner ready by 6PM.
Next hot topic: babies. Porsha wants to “borrow” her brother’s baby like it’s an ‘effin copy of 50 Shades of Gray. Kordell is concerned about Porsha’s ability to not kill things so he isn’t into the idea. She starts rationalizing that when they eventually have kids, they’ll be able to afford a nanny. Kordell does NOT want a nanny in the house. He’ll be damned if some tramp is running through his house in heels holding onto his baby. Unless it’s Miss Lawrence. And the baby is his penis. She convinces him that it’ll be okay, even though he’ll be out of town, and forbids her to have her mom come and help. ..lest she finds his whips and chains and reports him to the Civil Rights Commission.
Phaedra and Apollo are hosting dinner with Kandi and Todd and their guest chef is none other than, Chef Robles of the show…American Chef Robles. I don’t freakin know. I saw an episode or two but it didn’t really click with me. He’s cute enough but young and skinny. I can’t pay attention to men with smaller waistlines than me.
He’s cooking a meal flush with aphrodisiacs at Apollo’s request because he needs some way to continue living a rent free life at Phaedra’s. He uses all kinds of sexy puns like: mussels look like labia majora. Nothing like scientific lady part terms to convince us all that you’re straight! The girls briefly discuss an upcoming trip to L.A. and Vegas to see NeNe and then it’s on to Kandi and her new venture.