Mutation: Staring vacantly into space to hide emotional turmoil
If that’s 15 in 2012, I better hurry up and just marry that bearded lady who keeps asking if I like candy cuz I’m screwed. WTF! When I was 15 I did not have one shouldered dresses, Kool-Aid hair and a porn star name. Then again, I didn’t even have a calculator on my cell phone. I didn’t have a cell phone. I wasn’t allowed to use the phone after 10PM! I’m sad for society. Porsha is thrilled to be at the pageant because she loves sparkly dresses, shiny objects and chasing balls across the street. Only Kordell’s balls though. As they hustle over to the gardener across the street.
Back at the pageant, the girls answer some questions, walk around and then it’s time to tally the votes. Of course, Cynthia has nothing prepared for this time either. She should have had a local band, poet, comedian, raffle, Porsha count to 10. Anything that would have taken 15 minutes! Oh well….the throwaway scene of the week was Cynthia’s attempt to kill time. She walked the runway and Boris made a joke about the difference between a model walk and a pageant walk. He’s so annoying. Hold on…let me just get my Hanes boy cut briefs off the TV. I had to change. Someone mentioned Apollo’s name and…well…you know.
Peter goes in the back to regulate and get the scores tallied quickly. He didn’t care about the winner, he just wanted to get back to Skyping with Kordell. Phaedra shares with Kandi that her booty is eating her G-string.
Phaedra: Mmmm, my taladoo is chewin on my dippy dow.
Kandi: Lawd, please forgive this heathen. Also, I’d like to put in a claim for a Benz. Thanks. You fly above all the haters…literally.
Well, the winner must have gotten into those Twizzlers because when they announced her she started convulsing and hitting the floor like Porsha when she forgets to ask Kordell for permission to clap.
Everyone commends Cynthia for a job half done. Kandi thinks there’s a few kinks to work out and Porsha gives her two snaps because that’s all she can count up to without using her other hand.
Next week, they go to L.A., they throw Walter in Kenya’s face and NeNe throws them out of the hills. I hope L.C. makes a guest appearance.
So what’d you think? Was Boris ridic with that outfit? Do you like Kandi’s song? Will you buy it? Is Phaedra OD or am I overly sensitive to English? Is Jadynn still with us? Are her parents going to press charges? Love you guys for reading and the comments! I try to respond but I kid you not, it’s damn near impossible. Someone mentioned getting a router to get better signal at home through my tablet so I must call Verizon! I’m currently typing this in a crowded Dunkin’ Donuts next to two Albanian women who say everything like they’re saying “my whole family was killed in front of me.” I can’t take it. Til next week!