RHOA Recap: Pirated Booty


Atlanta knows how to drag out a storyline but this time I think we get some serious payoff at the end. Phaedra is moving forward with her donkey booty workout. Well, she’s not actually “moving.” She’s kind of standing there, bent over in front of Apollo. Mind you, Phaedra is probably one of those people who genetically has that booty but will con women into thinking that they can get one too.  By the way, thank you for your educational comments on the origins of the term donkey booty. I believe we concluded that the term originated from pig Latin. Also, we learned that people with ridiculous names aren’t necessarily assholes but most likely have asshole parents.

The episode opens with Kenya and Phaedra contrasting like Drago and Rocky in that movie. I can’t think of the name right now. Kenya is actually working out with her trainer. Her trainer does not think that Phaedra is in shape. Phaedra proves us all wrong by…posing in workout clothes at a photo shoot. She shows up and apologizes for being tardy. I thought the acceptable term was developmentally disabled? They strapped her into her outfit like a Christmas tree to a roof. Look, I think that Phaedra is in decent shape but I have also been befuddled by the thought of her doing a workout video. Since it was solely about the butt, I let that slide for a while.

Phaedra headed to the craft services table.

I’m Team Kenya just for Phaedra blocking that view of Apollo’s chest. She and Apollo pose for pictures and as usual, they’re sex obsessed to the point of being unprofessional. She even says in her talking head that it’s family friendly since it’s a husband and wife DVD. Is it just me? She’s bending over, he’s semi-humping her…it’s just a bad look for an attorney and  her houseboy.

Cynthia meets with Cy, a pageant pro, and discusses expanding her agency’s offerings. She says only 10% of her girls have model potential. The rest are just Model Ts. That’s my once a season historical reference.  Cynthia is going to start her own pageants for the sole purpose of robbing her hapless clients. At least she admits to one thing; she can’t form a sentence and declines being the emcee. Remember “hair is everything” and her stint as a commentator last season? I still have nightmares about that. I’m sorry, not nightmares, huge laughs! Anyway, Cy says that the entry fee is anywhere from $75-$1200. Cy says that it’s too steep for what Cynthia’s doing (read: Black people) so he says to keep it around $200. It’s also $10 per picture submitted, $50 to be entered into the talent portion etc…I don’t watch pageant shows and I know they’re pricey but to hear it talked about like this is creepy. I feel like they’re gonna take the money and the day of the pageant the girls are going to show up to the abandoned Bailey Agency of Wooden Planks and Nails. This is more of a hustle than NeNe’s Twisted Hearts Foundation. We all know that that $1000/head luncheon got NeNe two of her new noses.

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15 Comments

  1. 1
    Pari
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 10:53 am

    Phaedra is right. Kenya is insane. As Phaedra might say, “she ain’t got the good sense God gave a goose”.

    She’s also a shitty business person if she thinks that when you’re a producer you’re allowed to steal someone’s idea just because the person pitching the idea didn’t like the deal you proposed to them. I don’t like Kenya but she’s really good for television. Cynthia’s messy, yet somehow, boring ass needs to go.

  2. 2
    Poopsicle
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 10:57 am

    I got to give it to Kenya, I cackled so loud when they showed her full outfit. Even funnier was the look on the bystanders faces when she walked by.
    I like Phaedra, but no way would I do a workout if looking like her was the end results. Her body IS a mess. Who the hell would take exercise advice from someone with fat arms, a gut, and a butt back??

  3. 3
    Pari
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 11:26 am

    What’s kind of funny is that even after all this drama, Phaedra’s DVD that came out doesn’t say anything about the booty! Overall, I’d definitely pick Kenya’s body over Phaedra’s even though I REEALLLY think she had some work done.

  4. 4
    winkwink
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 11:56 am

    Kenya is an actress doing her thing on this show and taking that \kray-kray\ all the way to the bank! If this was a sitcom, her sashay into that event would have been met with a huge laugh track! When I heard NeNe yell her name \Kenya Moooooooore\ I knew she was in on the joke.

    Porsha is a beautiful girl but she’s a little light-headed. I don’t know it seems to add a little balance to a show where so many of these women take themselves so seriously.

    L Boogie–I’ve been reading a few other recaps of RHOA and by far yours is the best! You’re good girl and FUNNY! If you’re biased towards any of the \wives\ I can’t tell it. Keep it up!

  5. 5
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 12:24 pm

    @ Pari… Phaedra & Apollo Donkey Booty Volume 1. Word on the street is that it’s a best seller so far so looks like Phaedra really used her business skills on this one.

    What I think happened was Phaedra tried to throw the business to Kenya saying that it could be story line for the show. But at the end of the day it was still business. When Kenya wanted money on the back end Phaedra was thinking “for what” since she already had a distribution deal in the works. Kenya thought she was going to go kudooz for the whole thing and Phaedra was just going to let Kenya do production.

    Kenya’s problem is my mind is that she hears things that aren’t said. But since she thought that’s what was said she goes along making plans when she’s the only one in on the joke.

    She really lost me when she said Porsha was a pawn. Really Kenya?!?!?! The reason for the lunch was so you could pull her to your side and when she wouldn’t listen you started calling her names. AGAIN.

    And what’s up with the booty pads?!?!!? If you are doing a workout video for a “stallion booty” then you should have let that booty fly. Free advertisement is what I call it.

  6. 6
    Soapboxing
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 12:48 pm

    Why would I pay 9.99 or less to get Miss Parks’ squat CHUNK body? Naw, I’ll pass!
    What is the ISSUE with Kenya’s butt? Something aint right with it, injections, fillers, fix a flat or maybe…..Ding, Ding Ding! those pads she glued to her bare ass while sporting the ‘Miss Parks’ inspired Net dress’ are a daily wardrobe staple. Sorry, Kenya but your ass is Wonky! Passing on the Stallion Booty workout, as well. However, I might purchase a video that has Apollo bare chest and sweaty, with absolutely NO talking from Apollo.

  7. 7
    featherhead
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 12:57 pm

    Kenya has the weirdest butt – it looks pointy, like it could take someone’s eye out! Maybe she was hiding the surgical scars with the butt pads. I was hoping you would have included a picture of Kenya in that outfit. The looks on the people’s faces when she walked in were priceless!

  8. 8
    Mimo
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 1:45 pm

    I figured, assumed, what with the beauty title and all, that Kenya’s body would be smoking. My god, just the fact that she would show up at a charity event looking like that makes her delusional in my mind. Since she’s busy trashing Pha’s body, I assumed hers would be better. Boy was I off base.
    I think the pads were just another dig a Phaedra – like Kenya saying she had to pad in order for her backside to be as large as Phaedra’s.

    I remember shortly after moving down south when some random guy told me that I had a jellin’ donkey booty. Being from the north, and spending many years being self concious of my rather generous derierre (sp) I told him to fuck off. It wasn’t until years later that I found out he was trying to give me a compliment. I moved back north right after I figured out all I had to do to make everyone understand me was to talk very very slllllooooooooowwwwwwwww. lol

  9. 9
    winkwink
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 2:56 pm

    The butt pads cover most of her behind–both cheeks. Coverage for the occasion and still making the point. If she was pulling this stunt at a resort, I doubt if she’d use them.

    Kenya’s not delusional—she knows exactly what she’s doing.

  10. 10
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 10:30 pm

    If Richard Simmons can create a workout empire by being a former fatty and crying alot, why can’t Phaedra use her “ass”-ets to do the same?

  11. 11
    2muchbravo
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 10:47 pm

    I think there’s a chance Kray Kray Kenya acts out so much to draw the attention to herself that she never got from her mother. An adult woman who does that shit is just not right. Unless, of course, she really is bipolar. I guess that might explain some of the odd behavior.

  12. 12
    Pari
    Posted January 30, 2013 at 6:24 am

    @Classy I thought the video was called Phine Body…. I looked at the description and it just talks about Phaedra wanting to get back in shape after the baby. Maybe there’s another video out I don’t know about.

    What makes Phine Body great though, is that Apollo is really the star of the show and Phaedra is just in the background. They knew what to do.

  13. 13
    annie annie
    Posted January 30, 2013 at 4:44 pm

    Ugh, I am so over these bitches. “Donkey Bootie”, “Stallion Booty”, “GlamMa”, “Gone with the Wind”….shuuuuuuut up already.

    I’m putting these chicks on a break…Beverly Hills is just as bad, but the OG OC bithces will be back in March…..so there’ s that, iI guess.

  14. 14
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted January 30, 2013 at 6:15 pm

    @winkwink : Totes agree that Kenya knows exactly what she’s doing. I never in a million eternities thought I’d ever say this, but…I kinda dig Kenya. She’s cray to the cray on purpose but actually makes many good points about things (such as how Phaedra was talking all kinds of smack behind her back).

    LB I think you hit the nail on the head about the Ike and Tina thing. I can’t STAND that uppity little twat, but I do feel like she’s treated very poorly (and doormat-y) by her “dream” husband.

  15. 15
    LAC LAC
    Posted January 31, 2013 at 9:42 am

    LBoogie, have fun at the Superbowl and thanks for the funny recap! “Bye ashy! Don’t tell Kordell that I crossed the street!” LOL!!

    Porsha – Yeah, the hamster running the rusty wheel in her head is damn tired, but I will give it to her in the lunch with Kray-Kray: whatever beef they have, Phaedra has nothing to do with it. Kenya trying to turn it like that and getting slapped down was hilarious.

    Nene – dahlings, she is a stahhhh!! Is Gucci flatware next? :) I have to say, it is nice to see less of her free flying boobage these days. And you know she is loving the Kenya Kray Kray show.

    Kandi – zzzzzzzz. You are starting to fall behind Cynthia with the shit stirring. Isn’t that what relatively contented ladies on these shows do?

    Cynthia – Ok, anyone else laugh when she was at the Bailey agency going on about being too busy? There are quiet rooms in libraries that are noiser. And now a pageant? Good thing Cy’s botox held things together for him. Because based on what hadn’t been planned, he looked like he wanted to scream. As stunt queen Dwight would ask “Who has a pageant with no contestants? How dreadful.”

    Phaedra – I don’t know if I want to get a DVD to get my butt more donkey butt lishious or if you are the best person to be doing this, but I do know that if there is another scene with Apollo shirtless, you better get your fat ass out of the frame. :)

    Kenya – damn, damn, girl. Why you so kray kray? If you wanted to make a point about Phaedra and not about your craziness, then..FAIL! First, having another failed lunch with Porsha doesn’t help. What little she will remember will be negative about you. Second, coming into a place with your ass hanging out, and making comments about yourself in a syrupy southern accent, only draws attention to your craziness, not to Phaedra. Almost everyone on that show has has a front row seat to the Gone with the Wind nuttiness. This does not help your case. Nor does that weird pointy ass.

    All this talk about asses on this show – I think I will keep my round ass that still gets cupped by hubby. I may not be able to bounce a quarter off it, but it does not need a separate mailing address.

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