RHOA Recap: Pirated Booty

Recaps

By L Boogie | Tuesday, January 29, 2013 | 9:40 am | 15 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Real Housewives of Atlanta, Recaps

Cy says that the way to get girls to actually sign up is to let them see the prize; the crown and sash. Porsha actually begins dressing up in the middle of the meeting and asking for pictures. Now I see why she wanted Kenya to bring her crown and “sashay” to that last charity event.  She really likes to play dress up.

Porsha: It’s my turn to wear the crown!
Cynthia: Pay your $200 entry fee and we’ll talk.

After seeing how incompetent she is, Cynthia and Cy tell her that they want her to do everything. Porsha volunteers to sing as well. Unbelievable. This whole thing is a mess and it’s making me nervous. No one has signed up so far and it’s in three weeks. Cynthia obviously didn’t see what tragedy befell DeShawn the first season. Effort is actually required to make an event successful. It’s not like it’s a wedding at a dinosaur mansion.

All of the girls, minus NeNe and Kenya, are at a Moroccan restaurant.  Kenya is supposed to be there but she didn’t show. Cynthia mentions that Kenya never showed for dinner and Kandi, through a mouthful of food, says that she invited everyone. That starts up a conversation regarding the DVD. Phaedra claims she never needed Kenya she was just giving her a chance. After all, she knows everyone from the VP right on down to Tyler Perry…a little bit. Phaedra says that the day Kenya shows her up is the day her booty goes flat “and we all know the chances of that.” Yes, we do. The chances are extremely low that that donkey will ever go flat but the chances of it inflating are …well…just look at Momma Regina.

Porsha shares her story about her confrontation with Kenya. Every time she starts speaking the other women look like they are asking themselves if they all look this dumb on this show. She tells them how she called Kenya out on her ashy feet like a proud 6th grader talking about how she cut down the girl who got breasts first. Kandi asks, in her interview, why Porsha keeps eating with Kenya. Can’t she find someone else to feed her and teach her the alphabet?

Cynthia tells them, mostly Kandi, that Porsha will be singing at the pageant. Porsha says she sounds like Mary J. Blige, Rihanna and Beyonce mixed. So she sounds like a dying cat lip synching to depressing music. They ask her to sing and Porsha immediately says that she has a cold, then she needs to drink water, then she has some tea, then she stands up. I think this is why she can’t get pregnant. She does everything wrong! She sings two notes and then a song comes on which cuts her off. She’s definitely the new Kim.

NeNe goes to acting class. She feels that the character of Rocky on The New Normal is written to sound like a White woman. She’s learning that she has to, you know, act! Instructor tells her she needs to see character not color. This is right on time with the MLK holiday. I’m actually taking an acting class in NY and I hate when they try to get me to play “Black”. Can’t I just be a person?! Thanks a lot NeNe. You set me back a decade.

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15 Comments

  1. 1
    Pari
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 10:53 am

    Phaedra is right. Kenya is insane. As Phaedra might say, “she ain’t got the good sense God gave a goose”.

    She’s also a shitty business person if she thinks that when you’re a producer you’re allowed to steal someone’s idea just because the person pitching the idea didn’t like the deal you proposed to them. I don’t like Kenya but she’s really good for television. Cynthia’s messy, yet somehow, boring ass needs to go.

  2. 2
    Poopsicle
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 10:57 am

    I got to give it to Kenya, I cackled so loud when they showed her full outfit. Even funnier was the look on the bystanders faces when she walked by.
    I like Phaedra, but no way would I do a workout if looking like her was the end results. Her body IS a mess. Who the hell would take exercise advice from someone with fat arms, a gut, and a butt back??

  3. 3
    Pari
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 11:26 am

    What’s kind of funny is that even after all this drama, Phaedra’s DVD that came out doesn’t say anything about the booty! Overall, I’d definitely pick Kenya’s body over Phaedra’s even though I REEALLLY think she had some work done.

  4. 4
    winkwink
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 11:56 am

    Kenya is an actress doing her thing on this show and taking that \kray-kray\ all the way to the bank! If this was a sitcom, her sashay into that event would have been met with a huge laugh track! When I heard NeNe yell her name \Kenya Moooooooore\ I knew she was in on the joke.

    Porsha is a beautiful girl but she’s a little light-headed. I don’t know it seems to add a little balance to a show where so many of these women take themselves so seriously.

    L Boogie–I’ve been reading a few other recaps of RHOA and by far yours is the best! You’re good girl and FUNNY! If you’re biased towards any of the \wives\ I can’t tell it. Keep it up!

  5. 5
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 12:24 pm

    @ Pari… Phaedra & Apollo Donkey Booty Volume 1. Word on the street is that it’s a best seller so far so looks like Phaedra really used her business skills on this one.

    What I think happened was Phaedra tried to throw the business to Kenya saying that it could be story line for the show. But at the end of the day it was still business. When Kenya wanted money on the back end Phaedra was thinking “for what” since she already had a distribution deal in the works. Kenya thought she was going to go kudooz for the whole thing and Phaedra was just going to let Kenya do production.

    Kenya’s problem is my mind is that she hears things that aren’t said. But since she thought that’s what was said she goes along making plans when she’s the only one in on the joke.

    She really lost me when she said Porsha was a pawn. Really Kenya?!?!?! The reason for the lunch was so you could pull her to your side and when she wouldn’t listen you started calling her names. AGAIN.

    And what’s up with the booty pads?!?!!? If you are doing a workout video for a “stallion booty” then you should have let that booty fly. Free advertisement is what I call it.

  6. 6
    Soapboxing
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 12:48 pm

    Why would I pay 9.99 or less to get Miss Parks’ squat CHUNK body? Naw, I’ll pass!
    What is the ISSUE with Kenya’s butt? Something aint right with it, injections, fillers, fix a flat or maybe…..Ding, Ding Ding! those pads she glued to her bare ass while sporting the ‘Miss Parks’ inspired Net dress’ are a daily wardrobe staple. Sorry, Kenya but your ass is Wonky! Passing on the Stallion Booty workout, as well. However, I might purchase a video that has Apollo bare chest and sweaty, with absolutely NO talking from Apollo.

  7. 7
    featherhead
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 12:57 pm

    Kenya has the weirdest butt – it looks pointy, like it could take someone’s eye out! Maybe she was hiding the surgical scars with the butt pads. I was hoping you would have included a picture of Kenya in that outfit. The looks on the people’s faces when she walked in were priceless!

  8. 8
    Mimo
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 1:45 pm

    I figured, assumed, what with the beauty title and all, that Kenya’s body would be smoking. My god, just the fact that she would show up at a charity event looking like that makes her delusional in my mind. Since she’s busy trashing Pha’s body, I assumed hers would be better. Boy was I off base.
    I think the pads were just another dig a Phaedra – like Kenya saying she had to pad in order for her backside to be as large as Phaedra’s.

    I remember shortly after moving down south when some random guy told me that I had a jellin’ donkey booty. Being from the north, and spending many years being self concious of my rather generous derierre (sp) I told him to fuck off. It wasn’t until years later that I found out he was trying to give me a compliment. I moved back north right after I figured out all I had to do to make everyone understand me was to talk very very slllllooooooooowwwwwwwww. lol

  9. 9
    winkwink
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 2:56 pm

    The butt pads cover most of her behind–both cheeks. Coverage for the occasion and still making the point. If she was pulling this stunt at a resort, I doubt if she’d use them.

    Kenya’s not delusional—she knows exactly what she’s doing.

  10. 10
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 10:30 pm

    If Richard Simmons can create a workout empire by being a former fatty and crying alot, why can’t Phaedra use her “ass”-ets to do the same?

  11. 11
    2muchbravo
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 10:47 pm

    I think there’s a chance Kray Kray Kenya acts out so much to draw the attention to herself that she never got from her mother. An adult woman who does that shit is just not right. Unless, of course, she really is bipolar. I guess that might explain some of the odd behavior.

  12. 12
    Pari
    Posted January 30, 2013 at 6:24 am

    @Classy I thought the video was called Phine Body…. I looked at the description and it just talks about Phaedra wanting to get back in shape after the baby. Maybe there’s another video out I don’t know about.

    What makes Phine Body great though, is that Apollo is really the star of the show and Phaedra is just in the background. They knew what to do.

  13. 13
    annie annie
    Posted January 30, 2013 at 4:44 pm

    Ugh, I am so over these bitches. “Donkey Bootie”, “Stallion Booty”, “GlamMa”, “Gone with the Wind”….shuuuuuuut up already.

    I’m putting these chicks on a break…Beverly Hills is just as bad, but the OG OC bithces will be back in March…..so there’ s that, iI guess.

  14. 14
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted January 30, 2013 at 6:15 pm

    @winkwink : Totes agree that Kenya knows exactly what she’s doing. I never in a million eternities thought I’d ever say this, but…I kinda dig Kenya. She’s cray to the cray on purpose but actually makes many good points about things (such as how Phaedra was talking all kinds of smack behind her back).

    LB I think you hit the nail on the head about the Ike and Tina thing. I can’t STAND that uppity little twat, but I do feel like she’s treated very poorly (and doormat-y) by her “dream” husband.

  15. 15
    LAC LAC
    Posted January 31, 2013 at 9:42 am

    LBoogie, have fun at the Superbowl and thanks for the funny recap! “Bye ashy! Don’t tell Kordell that I crossed the street!” LOL!!

    Porsha – Yeah, the hamster running the rusty wheel in her head is damn tired, but I will give it to her in the lunch with Kray-Kray: whatever beef they have, Phaedra has nothing to do with it. Kenya trying to turn it like that and getting slapped down was hilarious.

    Nene – dahlings, she is a stahhhh!! Is Gucci flatware next? :) I have to say, it is nice to see less of her free flying boobage these days. And you know she is loving the Kenya Kray Kray show.

    Kandi – zzzzzzzz. You are starting to fall behind Cynthia with the shit stirring. Isn’t that what relatively contented ladies on these shows do?

    Cynthia – Ok, anyone else laugh when she was at the Bailey agency going on about being too busy? There are quiet rooms in libraries that are noiser. And now a pageant? Good thing Cy’s botox held things together for him. Because based on what hadn’t been planned, he looked like he wanted to scream. As stunt queen Dwight would ask “Who has a pageant with no contestants? How dreadful.”

    Phaedra – I don’t know if I want to get a DVD to get my butt more donkey butt lishious or if you are the best person to be doing this, but I do know that if there is another scene with Apollo shirtless, you better get your fat ass out of the frame. :)

    Kenya – damn, damn, girl. Why you so kray kray? If you wanted to make a point about Phaedra and not about your craziness, then..FAIL! First, having another failed lunch with Porsha doesn’t help. What little she will remember will be negative about you. Second, coming into a place with your ass hanging out, and making comments about yourself in a syrupy southern accent, only draws attention to your craziness, not to Phaedra. Almost everyone on that show has has a front row seat to the Gone with the Wind nuttiness. This does not help your case. Nor does that weird pointy ass.

    All this talk about asses on this show – I think I will keep my round ass that still gets cupped by hubby. I may not be able to bounce a quarter off it, but it does not need a separate mailing address.

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