RHOA Recap: Strip Tease

Recaps

By L Boogie | Thursday, March 14, 2013 | 11:48 am | 9 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Real Housewives of Atlanta, Recaps

This week, the girls head to Vegas, Kandi shockingly talks about sex and Porsha’s marriage is discussed in comportion to her perturbed husband.

Kenya and Cynthia are now BFFs and exchange lotion lest Kenya be accused of being ashy. Kenya’s joking but you know she probably has a carry on full of petroleum jelly and bacon grease. Kenya tells Cynthia that she was annoyed at dinner because she didn’t want to discuss Walter in front of Phaedra and Porsha. Cynthia obviously knew this but she plays along and acts like she had no clue what was happening. They’re all waiting for Kenya to give them another dose of crazy but it’s not happening because she’s trying to be cancer free!

 

Cynthia: Wow, you do a great Phaedra imitation except for this one little thing. Yep, no wedding ring.

Kandi can’t wait to get to Vegas and get it in. By that I can only assume she means getting her ass into a Jack in the Box drive thru. The girls are taking a party bus while NeNe flies “first class” after work. 

The party bus is clearly a recipe for disaster. Vegas isn’t exactly around the corner and Kenya isn’t on the best terms with everyone. She tries her best though. They play a game in which each lady has to draw a name, imitate that person and the girls have to guess who it is. This shouldn’t be dramatic at all, huh? Phaedra of course pulls Kenya’s name and twirls around repeatedly. Cynthia’s imitation of Kandi consists of asking about food.  

“That hurt. You don’t know your flaws until someone points them out to you. I need a ham.”

Either Kordell had her vocal box removed or Porsha thinks that NeNe is a mute because she didn’t even make any sound when imitating her. Porsha manages to find her voice though when the girls discuss the strip club they’re going to later. Porsha says that she doesn’t want to go. They end up tricking her and telling her that Strippers R Us is actually a paint thinner store.

Kenya is basically me on a road trip: playing games and trying to stay entertained. I’m really annoying. The next game is for the women to do a stand up routine. Kandi does one and OMG, it’s all about sex! Who saw that one coming *rimshot*? She tells a story about farting on a guys head during the big O and not letting him up because it felt so good. Good luck Todd.

“Get in my belly! That was supposed to be me in Austin Powers but I ate the original Mini-Me.” 

The girls stop for snacks on the road and they temporarily lose the bus. In the meantime, they realize that Porsha is eating a pickle and they really start to suspect that she’s pregnant. On the bus, Phaedra tells her to give a rabbit urine and if it dies, they’ll know she’s pregnant. Kenya is staunchly opposed to the use of rabbits for this purpose. Cute, cuddly rabbits should only be used as sacrifices to the gods of vengeance who will make Walter’s hairline recede at an alarming rate. Phaedra tells her to calm the hell down since the nearest rabbit farm is 1400 miles away. She checked because she’s trying to get pregnant too.  I love that Kenya suggests they just go to a dollar store and get  a pregnancy test. And I guess Captain Hook can perform the C-section too?!

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9 Comments

  1. 1
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted March 15, 2013 at 6:42 am

    I was on Team Porsha this episode. The other girls can’t comment on the inner workings of her relationship because it’s her relationship. While I was a little concerned about her saying Kordell “lets” her do certain things, I do understand respecting his boundaries (especially since it’s going to be aired on TV!) Of course, Nene wouldn’t understand Porsha respecting her husband’s wishes, considering she remarried Gregg so she wouldn’t have to pay the salary for an assistant.

  2. 2
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted March 15, 2013 at 7:03 am

    I agree with you Derek. If they have an agreement about strip clubs then the other ladies need to respect Porsha and her marriage. Some husbands may not want their wives on girls weekends, especially with some of these ladies…Kenya who flirts with every single man and she’s already had beef with her, Nene who was rumored to be stepping out on her husband, and Kandi who always talks about sex.

    How to know that Porsha doesn’t “let” Kordell do some things? I am sure Kordell controls most things but I’m sure he and everyone else knows Porsha is a bit of a ding bat.

    L Boogie…unless Nene is getting some of these things comped then she most certainly needs to cut back.

    NeNe is still trying to compete with Kandi but for some reason NeNe can’t see that there’s no competition. Kandi has had money since she was a young girl. NeNe is a grown woman that just got hers. (and may not keep it based on the way she spends it…)

  3. 3
    NatPatBen
    Posted March 15, 2013 at 9:08 am

    I love that Kandi appears to be mindful of how she spends, which doesn’t fit the mold of most Real Housewives.

  4. 4
    Melesia
    Posted March 15, 2013 at 9:53 am

    I love the way Kenya states that Porsha is the only one who hasn’t made it on her own – B please she would run over her mama, sister, auntie, stallon booty video and etc. to trade places with Porsha!

    And Nene is a hypocrite, wasn’t she the one acting all out of place when Candy had the long dong silverman stripper at her party?!

  5. 5
    KJN KJN
    Posted March 15, 2013 at 10:04 am

    I have to agree that the other ladies were out of line going on and on about Porsha’s marriage. It looked to me like she simply didn’t want to go. So what? Who cares? Stay out of it!

    Kandi. Kandi, Kandi, Kandi. That may be the kind of story you tell when you’re on a party bus heading to Vegas with your friends. But, most people don’t have a camera crew there filming it and then showing it to a national audience. TMI. Wayyy too much TMI…someone pass the brain bleach. :(

  6. 6
    Aunt Dorsey
    Posted March 15, 2013 at 10:40 am

    If Porsha had already seen the episode with those strippers that Cynthia and Phaedra and their menfolk went to see in Hotlanta, she was right to NOT want to go. Kordell aside. Those ladies have very questionable taste. They made even Kenya Koochie Krack in her bunion pads look good.

  7. 7
    Aunt Dorsey
    Posted March 15, 2013 at 10:43 am

    Oh, Kandi and her fart story was ‘Gone With the WINDddddddd fabuless.

  8. 8
    KJN KJN
    Posted March 15, 2013 at 10:59 am

    Bwahahahaha! “Gone With the Wind.” That’s too funny. And also accurate.

  9. 9
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted March 18, 2013 at 6:06 pm

    I haven’t finished the recap yet – okay, I’ve read about half of page one – but something made me scroll down to the comments. That something was my changing opinion of Kenya…

    The last couple of episodes she’s really grown on me. I damn skippy don’t blame her for being pissed off about Phaedra constantly needling her about Walter. Phaedra spends most of her time in my head on the shit-list these days, anyway. Quit living in Fairy-Tale-Land pretending you’re a “Southern Belle” and talk like an educated woman of today, Phaedra!!! Sorry. Had to let it out!

    Also, while I agree with you guys about the Porsha marriage trash talking being a bit out of line, as viewers we actually see what that couple voluntarily put out there, which shows a very (scary-ish) controlling douchenozzle of a husband barking commands at his wife, and said wife is, seriously, too fucking dumb to know she doesn’t have to accept, or fake herself into believing she actually *likes*, said treatment.

    Oh hell I’m just annoyed at the world today. I’ll shut up now :-)

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