This week on RHOA, Nene is celebrated, Walter is berated and Kandi’s house gets a little decorated.
Nene and Brentt are talking about moving to L.A. on their way to the L.A. Pride parade. 48% of the country’s collective head is exploding while they prepare their petitions to secede from the Union. Nene shares some little known facts about gays. It turns out that they invented everything! Nail polish, weaves, clouds, global warming, marriage. I watch this for entertainment, the history lesson was a bonus. Brentt actually seems open to the idea of moving to L.A. and then they start the parade. Nene starts crying at one point because she’s arrived. I swear, deep down under that sometimes harsh exterior is a 14 year old mini terrorist who still just wants to be accepted and loved. Gregg even shows up at the end of the parade and looks better. I think “get your sexy back” was Nene code for “have a lifestyle lift”.
Kandi and Phaedra meet with Kenya for lunch. Phaedra immediately inspects Kenya’s booty to make sure that it meets the height requirements for their friendship. She passes with flying colors! And cellulite. Kenya retells the entire showdown at the casting call and it’s pretty accurate except for when she said Cynthia didn’t say anything. In her defense, Cynthia responded, it was just lame.
Kandi telepathically telling Phaedra to hide the knives.
Kim is at home cooking, cleaning and taking care of her kids. OMG< , I couldn't even keep a straight finger while typing that. She's playing with KJ on the counter while Sweetie tries to appear useful so Kim doesn't look completely stupid for rehiring her. Kim hands KJ off to Pencha, the nanny, as soon as he starts to cry. We get more house info. The mansion was for sale at 3.25 million but is worth only 2.1 mill. I could've sworn Kim kept saying the house was 70,000 square feet but I'm pretty sure it's 17,000. 70,000 would be like a small city right? I think her lips are getting in the way of enunciation. Anyway, Kim can't live in her townhouse again or anything less than 17,000 sq feet because KJ doesn't have a basketball court to run on (nor the ability to run). and there's no swimming pool to accidentally drown Sweetie in in case she discovers that Kim's wig heads are actually the hollowed out remains of former BFF/assistants.
Kim: I just got the appraisal back. A baby with lip injections is worth at least half a million more than one without.
KJ: Who’s this lady holding me?
Kenya’s aunt visits her and brings flowers. Kenya thanks her for the “Walmart special”. My mouth dropped open and then I laughed. Considering the aunt didn’t body slam her, they must have that type of rapport. They start talking about Kenya’s life and the fact that Kenya wants to fill house with little ones to match with the little voices. As they walk around the new yet to be decorated house, Kenya also says that she wants pictures of herself throughout it. Her aunt says it’s narcissistic and that fits with Kenya’s personality. Okay, yeah. They’re more Roseanne and Darlene than Claire and Sondra. They talk about Walter, Kenya’s boyfriend, and her aunt thinks something must be wrong with him because they haven’t met. Kenya just doesn’t want her to scare the guy away like the time she scared away Kenya’s ex at a birthday party.
Kenya: We clinked glasses at my birthday party and he never came back.
Aunt: Thats because you made all the waitresses bend over backwards. Literally. You kept checking them for coochie crack!
Phaedra, Cynthia and Nene get together to work out at the gym. You can say what you want about the real housewives but they know how to work a formula. The bully is always forced to start filming with someone they had problems with the last season or two. They work out for 47 seconds and then sit down to go over their lines. Cynthia wants to have a party celebrating Nene’s success but Nene decides that it should be all about successful women in general. Kim can even come! Not many women can successfully guarantee child support through their 60s.