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Tuesday, November 20, 2012
12:12 am
47 Comments
Tagged: adrienne maloof, andy cohen, brandi glanville, bravo, bravotv, camille grammer, comedy, episode 2, flipit, full episode, funny, improv, io west, kim richards, kyle richards, lisa vanderpump, parody, real housewives of beverly hills, recap, redub, rhobh, ronnie karam, Season 3, spoof, taylor armstrong, tvgasm, ucb, voice over, watch what crappens, Yolanda Foster
Previously on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Yolanda’s shitty grasp on English/melty model mind led her to tell everyone that Brandi claimed to ride every half staffed peen in the BH, …
I know dees ees lie. Che has no ride my peen.
…Kathy Hilton opened up the Paris Second Hand Scabies Ridden Prom Dress Store for Kim Twitch Richard’s kid to get her first prom dress and her first case of the itchies, …
If ya like it I’ll sew the crotch back in for ya.
…and Lisa left a party early to avoid the scary face/personality/soul of Adrienne Maloof.
So I accused her of eating baby legs and beating her maid. What’s the big deal?
It’s prom night, which means Kim is flitting around her daughter, doting over her because she’s “missed some time recently.” That’s one way to put it. “Snorted time” doesn’t make as much sense grammatically. Little Kim chose the dress Paris wore when she was mourning the passing of her virginity, and I’m jealous that Kimberly can fit into a twelve year old’s dress.
Twitch is in tip top shape today. By that, I mean she’s wearing a dog collar and slurring about hors devours and Fanta for a party that she didn’t tell anyone she was throwing while playing with chicken salad.
Kim didn’t get a normal childhood, because she was in famous kid school. Her prom was sharing a line with Darla off Spanky’s bare ass before throwing up in Shirley Temple’s shoe and passing out face down on the Facts of Life set.
That bitch is wack.
I don’t know who told Twitch that normal kids ate lots of chicken salad before prom, but God bless her, she’s still stirring away. The camera just stays on her, stirring and mumbling. LOL.
When the boy comes over to pick up her kid, Twitch can’t understand why her offer of chicken salad is making everyone so uncomfortable. I think it might be your boobie hanging out.
The kid is out, and Twitch is stuck alone with a giant bowl of the saddest chicken salad on the planet. I have my fingers crossed that she calls Spanky.
Yolanda is having a cocktail party for the girls. Normally she has super famous people like Barbra Streisand or Kenny G over. I know Barbra just threw the remote at the TV after hearing her name in the same sentence as Kenny G. Yolanda lives in Malibu, so even though her scene is boring as Bible school, I’m excited. Malibu parties are a RHOBH tradition. Camille’s Bu party was where we met Alison KNOW THAT! DuBois, and Brandi’s Bu party was where Failor Armstrong had her violent drunken meltdown (well, one of them). I have high hopes for this night, Yolanda, don’t fuck it up!
47 Comments
After I feed friends, I launch into a ten page tirade about what assholes they all are. Recapping’s an art too, fuckers!
Bwahahaha! I thought I was the only recapper who did this at dinner parties!
I’m dying at the whole recap of Kim’s Prom Pre-Party! I mean I could not stop laughing when it was point at her sitting making the chicken salad. I actually feel sorry for her because I think she is sobber but seems to still be drunk. I think she is trying really hard but hopefully it sticks.
Lisa while alittle to \high class\ for me is showing how it’s done, make the other person look like a total A–! HAHA
Fantastic recap!!! I too was confused about who Twitch was making all that food for. I kept waiting for a ton of teenagers to show up. That was a BOATLOAD of chicken salad. And pink lemonade. TONS and TONS of pink lemonade.
I felt bad for Kim with all that food, but doesn’t she know that most kids go to dinner before Prom?
I like how David said in their culture they will introduce the ex wife, but they don’t want anything to happen. Ummm that’s in all cultures douche. In America it’s call sloppy seconds. Does that sound classy?
Fail has to control the liquor. How are you DRUNK every week? I do realize that these events center around the ladies and their wine (or Champers Heather Dubrow), but not everyone is drunk like that EVERY WEEK.
Kyle…please keep your panties on. Maurico is right there. The way Kyle was gushing over David was making me uncomfortable.
I’ll give David Foster credit for being more charismatic than I expected and knowing how to entertain or whatever but goddamn do him and his stupid wife know how to make everything about themselves. Everyone on this show does that but only Taylor could steal any attention away from the Fosters at this thing.
I like that Paul was hoping Lisa would give him a phony greeting so he could blow her off and then got indignant when she didn’t say anything to him. He really is a pussy
So funny! Loved it, Flipit. Great job!
Yolanda McSquinty, does the phrase “Crack is Whack” ring a bell? Do you prefer recreationally high addicts a la Whitney Houston ( RIP btw) over a drunk Failor? And please don’t tell me Babs hasn’t had a drunken moment or two around David piano…
Please Yoly, the bible you are thumping is crying from you beating it too much!
I want to settle this, anyone else with an opinion chime in. I think Brandi was being Brandi with her “Sleeping with everyone comment” at Lisa’s party…she was just saying it’s a small world and you bump into people who know people you know in pecular ways in life. But she just said it like the skank she is.
I do not think she meant either she or Yoly slept with all of 90210. And FAIL with her $2 weave is now calling her, her nemesis and gossiping that Brandi slept with all 16k mean in LA…not the gay ones I’m sure Fail, so check yo self before you…ah, too late.
You can tell she’s been hanging out with Ad too much. Bad weave, classless gossip and too too too much plastic surgery. She looks like a circus freak.
Agreed Gypsy. Brandi made a crass joke. She always makes crass jokes. Some people are too high brow for them. (Yoli) Some people don’t get the joke (Fail). Either way Failor needs to let it go. I mean is she going to repeat that to EVERYONE she meets. Good grief.
Russ preferred swing…
OMG you kill me!
Gypsy – agreed – Brandi made a tounge-and-cheek comment and everyone has run with it. She didn’t even make it to Failor yet she has told everyone about it.
So Yoli is David’s 4th wife? Did I hear that right? And is he her 3rd husband? Mohamed isn’t the father of her daughter so I’m assuming there was another Mr. Squinty Eyes.
I haven’t watched the show yet, but this recap is hilarious. Yolanda’s captions are too funny. Ess too early for dees mush lafting!
Damn– and that is real honest-to-goodness Hellmans mayo– not the low-fat, olive oil stuff– the reeeaaaallllllll kind you put on white bread-aahhh shades of my youth!!!!!
I love how Kimmers has a 75 year old woman in side her!! Bon Appetit Kim!!!!!!
And I want her potatoe recipes-the one she makes at Easter with all the margarine.
back to reading—
I love Brandi. She is honest and forth coming with whatever she feels. I think she uses that crass humor to hide the nice girl who got really hurt inside. I can NOT stand Kyle or Adrienne…I used to think Adrienne was ok but after the lies about her divorce and the crap she tried to pawn off on Lisa …. they are jealous that Lisa has money & class…MONEY can’t buy attention whore Splits Kyle class.
BUT I REALLY CAN NOT STAND TAYLOR…at all…domestic violence my ass. She “worked too hard to get into this zipcode” really?? Doing what? the Leann Rimes move of dick sucking & husband stealing? You are trash Taylor and mentally ill…get off the show before you ruin it more. and for gods sakes someone tell that dumb horse faced tramp to stop with all the fillers…hey I have an idea why dont you DOWNSIZE and pay back all the money you & your ex stole to try & look like rich big shots when you NEVER WERE! No wonder he killed himself…I would too to get the hell away from the creature you are. Look in the mirror and be proud for making money of your daughter’s father’s death you piece of Trailor TRASH!
I love that you get this recap up so quickly!
Kim always seems drunk to me too, but I’m going to guess that’s just her.
Failor is so annoying and ridiculous.
Yolanda brought that trumpet guy to hook him up with Brandi. 1. Is that the best she could find? 2. Umm…. why???
I wonder why Brandi didn’t show up to the dinner. Are they just going to skip over that or will it become a big argument somewhere down the road?
Jeebus– Amazing Grace and Danny Boy–was it an Irish Catholic Funeral???? Sounds like all the ones I’ve attended. Lordy– I hope this is not going to be a long season– wait-its getting cold here in the east—maybe I do want a long season!!!!!
Kim–really –your potatoe recipe please– I have to head out and grocery shop for Thanksgiving.
Awesome recap Flippy and a Happy Thanksgiving to all!!!!!!!!!!!
bbwwahaahhaaahhhhhaaaaaaa— my cap code is— seven ate nine
bbwwaaahhhaaaahhhhhaaaaaaaa
@Karen. ITA with respect to tailer. If there is a worse human being than her, I don’t even want to know.
Failor is crying about being in a bad place at the party. Maybe you shouldn’t sign up to on reality tv if you aren’t in a good place in your life.
See Tay this is why you are a failure at life.
Tay is the worst. I cringe every time she comes on camera.
I get why Paul is taking his wife’s side but easy on the insults killer. Your wife is the one who f’ed up.
did anyone catch yo-yo saying “i’ve worked under 100s of men” then she quickly changed it to “aside” or whatever? what a nightmare- i don’t hate her yet though…. FAIL on the other hand.. christ almighty what a train wreck. someone please get her to the psych ward ASAP… and finally, I love Brandi and was tres bummed she was MIA this ep.
I love Yolanda Von Mullet. She’s the love child of a 3-way between Aahnold, that mulleted bounty hunter dude, and Leona Helmsley. Plus, she screwed her way into real $$$ by marrying really rich douchebags. Take a page from that book Taylor, and pander up to Yolanda Von Mullet.
Few more thoughts:
Kim Twitchards is what some would call a ‘wetbrained’. She’s drank so much she pickled her brain. I think that’s self evident.
Brandi is going to be the breakout fan fave of this season I think. She flat out tells Ad to Fuck off next week. I’d like to see who Yoli tries to set her up with after that party foul.
I also couldn’t help think Kyle was being a mean girl across franchises and taking a dig at Melissa Gorga for ruining Amazing Grace last season calling herself a “wench” and not a “wretch”. Anyone? Anyone?
I think we are in for another epic Failor break-down but they are holding back the promos. Maybe in the second half. She just seems so ‘on the verge’ every time the camera is on her.
Don’t worry @Jenny – he is about to find out.
And I hate that I have to watch a commercial to get the security code to post.
What’s up with the make-up this year? It’s like they do their eyes, then get called away before they can spackle any other part of their faces. Their lips are blending into the rest of their faces (but even that can’t disguise the fact that Trailor’s lips are bigger and nastier than ever). I keep expecting them to put on white powder like the courtly ladies of the 16th century.
And why does Yoli dress like she can’t decide between Princess Grace and 1960′s Raquel Welch? Come into this century, bitch. Also, forgive my ignorance of the hoity toity, but is it common to dismiss people when you decide the party’s over? Why don’t they let their drunk friends hang around until waaayyyy past when you wish they’d leave like normal people?
Loved loved loved the recap!!! Does ya ever sleep, Flipit?? lol
HAHAHAHAHAH @ outhoousecat. Yodeler looked like she was dismissing 1st graders for lunch break!
Bitch.
“No one disrespects my HUSBAND!”
“Also, forgive my ignorance of the hoity toity, but is it common to dismiss people when you decide the party’s over? Why don’t they let their drunk friends hang around until waaayyyy past when you wish they’d leave like normal people?”
BWHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! *gaps* *coughs* BWHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!
please remember this for the end of the year comments!
Sweet Baby Jeebus…what the hell is going on with Taylor’s face? She looks like that puppet \Madame\ from the 80′s ::shudders::
Was it me or was \Anita\ at the party Anita Baker?
Is Yolanda’s face made up of a bad face job combined with fillers or just fillers alone? She certainly fuglied herself up. I am no fashion queen, but she is a terrible dresser as well. Get it together woman. I bet Heather was seething with jealousy when she saw that house and view.
Odd behavior by Paul and Adrianne. When they were going to Taylor’s for dinner, she grabbed his arm showing affection. Then last night he is pissed at Lisa for Adrianne and acting like a school girl. In past seasons he didn’t seem to want to get involved and she didn’t want him touching her with 10-foot pole. Did they secretly separate and this is a trial reconciliation we are watching?
Taylor you remember you have a daughter and you are being filmed?
Yolanda’s had that smizey squint roll sewed onto her face.
Is Fail’s Baby Jane Hudson hairdo an attempt to look “young”? She had it at Portia’s party, too. I lost that look in third grade.
\Honey, you’ve been married for two years. In four more you’ll be…kicking his controlling ass out the house you drew\.
now that is funny. and true. and how do u draw every sq inch of a house?
Russ preferred swing.
Flipit–I heart you. So. HARD.
and do you think she picks lemons in those jeans, or are they special dinner-party jeans?
I too thought Paul and Ad’s interaction was a little squirrely. They used to bicker all the time now they are soooooooo supportive of one another. I guess the fight between Ad and Lisa is bringing them closer together.
I’m gonna toss out an Ad & Paul theory on the Lisa drama.
It TAKES THE HEAT OFF THEM FIGHTING. Seems they still love to fight but, now they are focused on a new target instead of each other. I too wonder if they did some counselling a la Mauri’s Mother or some such and are trying to outwardly appear to be reconnecting like they tried to in last season’s Hawaii trip.
One last try before the big split… they must’ve known the bickering was not putting them in a good light and was really their whole story line just about…
why’d the chigengross thagroad? you crack me up flipit!
I think the choice of music “Amazing Grace”, “Danny Boy” and “Saints Go Marchin’ In” was due to the fact they were too cheap to pay licensing fees for the kind of music people actually want to sing at get togethers.
Great recap, as always!
Great catch WW
How many lemons did Yo think she needed anyway? Like did she think each tree only produced like 2 lemons? It also bugs me when she acts all “lady of the land” when she goes out to get flowers and fruit. I doubt she does any care for those plants so going out there to reap the benefits for the cameras is dumb looking. Oh wait that sounds like a really great analogy actually for most everything on RHofAnything.
I did some googling after the name drops and stuff and yeah that Linda Thompson lady got around! Elvis (partner after Priscilla) , then Bruce Jenner (mom of the Jenner boys) then this Foster man. She plays the game well! But anyway that led me to the realization that Yo and Foster have not been married long at all despite the fact that they act like they are soooo perfect and bullshit. Which tells me that their time as a couple is limited.
I would hate that kind of party by the way I would have been groaning at all of the solo songs and name drops and whatever. But that is probably a reason why I am not cut out for BH life.
Their name dropping was excessive though…I agree, I tried to live in LA and I couldn’t do it. Not for me but I’ll watch these loonies all day and twice on Sunday.
Yeah, I thought the name dropping was a little pretentious. Oh, we have dinner parties with Barbra Streisand and Oprah. Chris Botti is the BEST trumpet player in the world. Blah, blah, blah. And, David’s making everyone sit around and listen to him play turned me off. That’s a little narcissistic to think everyone’s dying to hear all your Vanessa Williams hit songs with their coffee.
Just did a little Google search. They only got married last November, 11/11/11. Same date as Kim and Kroy!
Kim DID realize the prom was not being held at her house, right? But seriously, that chicken salad looked bomb! mmmmm
I also Wiki’d David Foster. Interesting….. He even hit Ben Vareen with his car, nearly killing him. EEK! His comment about “how shocked he was more woman are not homemakers” nearly gave me a heart attack though. Also, how he hasnt been happier in his life as he is with YoYo. I guess the other 3 wives and your kids, grandkids couldnt do that for you, huh David? Also, something tells me YoYo was in a threesome with David and Mohammed at some point. FOR REALZ.
Holy EFF I loved their house though, oh, that view!!!!! And I do like how Yolanda decorated the house (that bitch).
Last but not least, Taylor looked ready to jump the Americn Idol dudes bones. She really needs to lay off the sauce though, she’s a horrible drunk. Maybe Kim will tell her something.
Oh, wow, Annie. I remember when Ben Vereen was hit by a car. That was Yo’s husband?!
Guys, they came back to the house after prom to eat the food Kim was preparing.
Annie, she is taking credit for someones work that kept her crazy in line. Look at that face, you want me to believe she decorated the house?
@labowner….yes, you are probably right…..sigh. The luxuries of the super rich.
Annie the only reason I know this is I have a “friend” who is an interior decorator and all of her “rich” clients refuse to acknowledge they use her. They won’t let her take before/after photos, use them as references. They want all of their friends to believe they have such wonderful taste. I think it is silly, but I have never lived with such wealth so I am not supposed to understand.
Isn’t David Foster’s sister – Clay Aiken’s baby mama?? 6 degrees of seperation… Brandi was right, you know everyone, you’ve slept with everyone…..
For fuck’s sake, they did a Saints Go Marching conga line.
Lol Kim talking about teen throbs.