Fail tells us that David Foster used to be married to one of her best friends, Linda Thompson. He doesn’t remember her. I like him already. Dinner time! One of Yolanda’s friends mentions that he missed seeing Ad at Lisa’s party, and she loudly tells him that she wasn’t invited. All class that one.
David tells us that Yolanda is perfect and he’s absolutely shocked at how many women don’t know how to be a decent homemaker. LOL. You know what I hate? A shy misogynist. Just come on out with both barrels blazin, buddy!
Chris Botti, the trumpet player, talks about being able to botox every part of himself but his mouth cuz of his job. I think botox was the secret word or something, cuz it brings Fail to life. She leans all over him, slurring on about how Brandi’s such a slut that she had to go out of town tonight to find someone she hasn’t fucked. She repeats the story loudly, over and over. Ad is embarrassed for her. Paul is embarrassed for her. Yolanda is even more disappointed in Fail than the illegals who showed up late to build her dream home.
Why’d the chigengross tharoad? Ta fugBrandi youguyzzzz!
I deed not draw dees. Abort. ABORT!!
“Der ees nussing more ugly dan a drunk woman.” HAHA! Especially one that looks like she disobeyed Willy Wonka and ate the experimental roast beef and blueberry pie gum.
David tells everyone that he met Yolanda at Mohammed’s house. Hopefully not in the secret sex chamber room. That house was f ing scary. David had just divorced and was gonna move into the perv’s mansion. He saw pics of Yoli and demanded that he interview her for his head woman position. She looked him up and down head to toe and when she saw that his shoes were decent, she took her duffel bag out of the sex chamber and put it in his trunk. How romantic!
Kyle says Yoli was probably looking him up and down to size up his wiener. Kyle is very pretty. That’s all I can really say. Foster jumps up to play piano, cuz that’s what he always does at dinner. You should bring your art into everything you do. After I feed friends, I launch into a ten page tirade about what assholes they all are. Recapping’s an art too, fuckers!
Foster is very serious about this performance. He’s even got Michael Johns, the American Idol contestant, in the house. And he’s sitting next to Fail! OH NO! You guys should know not to seat her next to AI people! Ace Young hasn’t been heard from since Kennedy’s last bday party! I worry for MJ’s safety.
I can’t wait to write a book about this relationship.