Error: Twitter did not respond. Please wait a few minutes and refresh this page.
Paul is calling B a fucking bitch over and over while everyone stands around like it’s totally normal for a grown man to be in a seated woman’s face shouting obscenities. The adorable couple storms out of the party, f words and veiled threats trailing them like a silent faht in any hallway Ken’s ever walked down.
Kyle tells us that Brandi just doesn’t care about anyone’s reputation. How dare she talk about truth on a reality show? That’s horrifying! Ad signed up to put her many failing BUSINESSES on TV, not her failure of a personal life. With a few more f words and accusations about Brandi being a drug addict, Ad leaves with a crooked witch finger pointing at Kyle. “YOU WATCH!” Don’t mess with a rubber lady! Anything you say will bounce off her face with a lawsuit attached and stick to you.
Failor Armstrong hasn’t been heard from much this season, so she runs to the back of the balcony, turns a spotlight on, and runs back to stand in front of it with a giant horrified pout on her face. You guys, Failor was abused by her husband. Did you know that? I just wanted to explain in case you thought that Fail had just had waaaaay too much to drink and was embarrassing herself and about to possibly fall over.
Get my tape recorder out. I feel a chapter coming on. And a really big burp.
Kyle is fuming. Not because Adrienne’s “I’m Pretending to Be the Sister I Secretly Murdered” secret is out. Not because Brandi was just basically ripped to shreds in public. Not because Camille at a canape and ruined a white leather chair donated by Crate and Barrel. Because Mauri’s real estate sales pitch was ruined. RUINED! It’s the same reason I think that Brandi and Kim Twitchards both deserve Emmys for tonight’s episode.
Kyle immediately goes at Twitch, accusing her of ruining any chance she had of getting her new dining room paid off tonight. Twitch is PISSED. It’s like someone’s accusing her of having a dime bag in her purse. She isn’t taking one ounce of shit from Kyle. Ad had a right to know. She tried to call her right after dinner to warn her but got no response. Ad was busy sewing limbs of different babies together to form acceptable offspring. Or so Brandi said. Besides, if Paul came into a party screaming f and b then that’s his problem for being a caveman, not her problem for gossiping like a dutiful Housewives cast member should.
Camille joins in on the fun, cuz there’s only so long she can stare off into space or talk about how big her himbo’s dick is before she has to have an actual conversation about something. She needs this gig until her settlement is finished. She tries to keep a flaming Twitch calm, and the whole thing is pretty hilarious. Kyle doesn’t know quite how to deal with coherent sensible Kim. She says that she’s glad her sister is sober, but she’s not gonna be glad for long if the result continues to be unfiltered TRUTH. Kyle keeps whining, so Twitch shoos her away. It’s wonderful.
Twitch tells us that her sister has no idea to be a real friend, because if she did she would have called Adrienne immediately upon hearing that Brandi told the world she was really a shaved Wookie instead of putting it off so that Kyle’s husband could sell some shit overpriced loft in the piss stained homeless ridden skid row ghost town that is downtown LA. “Up and coming” means “Chances are high you will die here.”
Meanwhile, Maurice is calmly telling off Brandi for ruining his pitch for Frasier residuals. Sure, Paul was in her face calling her a fucking bitch, but she deserved it. She’s poor and will never put commissions into his pocket, so why should he respect her? She’s not only just a woman. She’s just a poor woman. Paul, on the other hand: He has a wiener and if Brandi’s rumors about Ad anally raping the monkey from Friends and then eating his brain so that she could conceive children with her ninety year old eggs is true, then Paul will leave which means Mauri’ll be getting a commission for selling their current home plus two new commissions when they each buy their own. Mauri is a self important, money grubbing, wonkey eyed fame whore but he’s not stupid.