MC Faye tells us that Brandi is a vile human being and ruins lives. Kyle laughs about the women on the show being a pack of pit bulls, only one eye closing like a broken doll. Then she turns to the cameras and says as earnestly as she can muster: “I LOVE APPLEBEE’S!” so she doesn’t have to pay for their meal.
Kyle’s Andy Cohen face.
For all you Toddlers and Tiaras moms out there who think you have the stupid name market cornered:
WaitressHo has come by to remind us that Lisa’s spinoff is starting in a few weeks. Lisa tells her to gtfo before Brandi shows up, but Scheaynaslesandra wants to “smooth things over” with Brandi after boning her husband and ruining their marriage. Herpes don’t smooth over. They just go into hiding. As you should. Shoo. Lisa says no, as they deserve a full episode for that drama closer to their premiere date.
Yolanda’s at home running up stairs and doing pushups and jumping jacks and leg lifts and butt clenches. She says exceersizes eezlige da foundayn of yoots! Then take a bath in it. You stink.
She tells us that she got a haggard trainer so her husband doesn’t get jealous. She wants to be married to him longer than his other wives were. She didn’t say forever, but she did say 25 years, which is kinda the same thing. That milk’s def starting to smell like yogurt. That’s it? Ok, Yolanda! Thanks for…nothing. Thanks for nothing.
Brandi shows up at Lisa’s freaking out and picking at her face. Not that it can feel much. It’s like punching someone who just got a cavity filled. She’s upset because the day after Ad accused her of being an addict and sleeping til three and ignoring her kids, a story popped up on NotTVgasm about her being an addict and sleeping til three and ignoring her kids. Hm! I wonder who could have planted that! Lisa says it’s gross and hypocritical for Ad to be doing the exact same thing she accused Lisa of last year. True, Ad’s a hypocrite. She says it’s wrong to have orgies with Smurfs and sacrifice babies to satan and does that every weekend herself. According to Brandi.
Lisa says that Ad has no power, and Brandi rolls her eyes and squeals that Ad has a shit ton of money and lawyers to bankrupt her for life. True. Which is why you might not wanna be telling everyone that Adrienne was the whale that ate that trainer at SeaWorld a couple years ago. Brandi knows they’re gonna keep pushing and it’s her nature to fight back by slinging more truth their way. Fine with me! I like Brandi poor. If she weren’t living on the set of Roseanne I don’t know if I’d have the same soft spot in my heart for her.
Dinner party time! You hungry? No? Then here, let me help you out.
The party starts off sweetly, as they all do. We meet the new Friend of the Housewives, Marisa Zanuck. Some of you may know her from being married to a rich ass Hollywood family. I know her from Selling LA! That’s a pretty drama free show, but she almost put a friend who wouldn’t by a house through a plate glass window. I’m gonna like her.
Camille oohs and ahhhs over her dress. She tries to guess the designer. She pauses, waiting for Marisa to finish her sentence. Finally, she does. LOL at already making Camille look stupid. Points. And PS, Dana, THAT’s how to flaunt your money with class, biatch!