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Now let’s go to the set of Roseanne!
Brandi’s ironing her hair. She doesn’t have that book money yet, so she’s literally using an iron. Danger! After she searches the house, unable to find what’s burning, she calls Lisa and asks her if that slut waitress who boned her husband will be waiting tables tonight for the get together at Sur. Lisa says that ho bag isn’t there due to a bad case of vaginal scabies, so it all worked out. That fight will have to wait. Boooo!
Lisa is making last minute adjustments and telling Jax to make a virgin drink for Twitch. It will be called “I Shoulda Been Molly Ringwald”. Ken’s getting hip surgery tomorrow in hopes that a tighter mid section will help curb the silent fahts. Brandi and Lisa joke about B wanting to bone Ken, and Twitch jokes with them too!! WOW! Monster steps! Kyle isn’t there yet, and Twitch is just guessing that she’s probably somewhere being horrible to someone. Kim is just as adorable sober as she is wasted, and I can’t say that for many…actually I can’t say that for anyone.
Everyone else arrives and they all sit down to dinner. Lisa starts off the night by asking Twitch if she misses her best friend Charles Shaw. Kim says that mostly being sober is ok, but when she has to see people whose names rhyme with File and Dooreetz she wants to drink Sonoma. Kyle’s not good at rhymes, so she doesn’t get the dig.
B asks if Lisa snubbed Ad again. Lisa didn’t invite her, but only cuz Ad is busy cultivating the latest Chinese infant eye jelly she had shipped in. If you use it at just the right time, it’s supposed to help the wrinkles on the back of your knees. Brandi says she’s probably at home writing her book, and Lisa tells her not to be snide. She didn’t hear the whole Ad book deal claim and tries not to guffaw. Ken snarks “It won’t be very long.” Then everyone goes silent and blames the smell on the waiter.
Kyle, still no life of her own to report on, decides to stir some shit up by asking Brandi why she’s mad at Ad. Well….her face has scared her children on multiple occasions, she lied about a book deal to compete with Brandi, her cheap shoes break easily and almost killed one of her drag queen friends, she and Paul called her and tried to convince her for an hour to go on Twitter and claim that she was lying about the accusations she made against Ad on the reunion,…hours pass. People get up to go to the bathroom, smoke, nap, redo their hair and come back an hour later,…B is still going. Adrienne has webbed toes, she’s a Satan worshipper only alive at 115 because of human sacrifices, and a closet Republican. Oh, and BLEEEEEEEEP!! WTF EDITORS?