Previously on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Kim Twitchards got wasted and slur/yelled at Brandi in public. Even more embarrassingly, she mixed pearls with gold.
You’re a dirty slut pig fart face! PS are you wearing silver can I borrow it fer ma neck?
Paul proved to be as hideous on the inside as he’s made his wife on the outside, …
…and Lindsay Lohan starred in a spectacularly terrible Lifetime movie about Liz Taylor. That wasn’t on the Housewives, but it needed to be said.
We open this week at Mulholland Grill, where Ad has invited Lisa to lunch. Fittingly, the logo prominently features a snake.
Lisa looks afraid to sit down at first, but when she sees Groveling Rubber Lady on the menu, she unfolds her napkin and gets comfie. Ad stutters, stumbles, and drinks a lot. Lisa stays completely silent and just watches her like a kid in front of a fish tank. Disgusted but awed.
I’m afraid but I can’t. Look. Away.
Ad apologizes a few times, and Lisa monologues about how devastated she was by the accusations of selling stories to the tabloids. She doesn’t return the apology, which makes sense. “I apologize for rhyming things” just sounds stupid. Ad didn’t expect an apology anyway. Not because she’s smart enough to know she isn’t owed one, but because Lisa’s a giant c word. Lisa won’t pretend she suddenly likes Ad again, but she does promise to not say bitchy catty things about her behind her back. Then she gets in the diary room and says bitchy catty things behind her back. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Yolanda’s pretending to do laundry in the house she drew. She has four washing machines. When you marry that much older you gotta be prepared for the battle of the skidmarks. Like the war with terrorism, you can never really win it, but you can douse it with enough chemicals that the crap becomes tolerable.
I weel naver go laundriless agayn!
Kim Twitch Richards stop by for a visit. She’s made all the liquor stores in town promise not to sell her any more booze, so she’s brought a bag large enough to loot Yoli’s stash.
Twitch has organized a trip to Ojai for the girls. Wait. Kim organized something? First she made chicken salad and now she’s organizing things! It’s not the most excited sobriety story I’ve ever heard, but it’s keeping her away from frog faced mouth breathers, so I’m all for it. Not sure about traveling to a place with “high” in the name, though. Too soon, Kim! TOO SOON.