Brandi is at her hovel meeting with her book agent. Yes, she’s written a book. LOL. I’m sorry, but you know that shit was either thumb typed or incoherently recorded and sent off to kids in China to type. Dragon Dictation has brought some really shitty books to market. Ah, the future is now. Anyhoozle, the book is about being a drunk slut who cried a lot after getting dumped by an E lister, and the agent suggests they rethink titling the book “I’d Rather Have Fucking Cancer Than to Still Be Married to That Fucking No Talent Cocksucking Retard I Divorced.” Specifically, he has trouble with the word “Divorced.” THAT’s the word you don’t like?
They have just come back from a sales trip to NY, and he compliments her perfect body and amazing “titties.” She giggles and says he can buy them, too. HAHAH. Everyone has a message inside of them to help humanity, and hers is about not feeling too bad about turning your vagina into a vodka soaked petrie dish when you’re feeling betrayed. Viva la revolucion!
She can’t believe her good fortune these days, and she’s sure to let us know that “I thank the fucking Lord every day.”
Fuckin a my wigga ho
Kyle’s with her brat at the DMV for her third permit test. Hopefully this works like three strikes and the kid will be put in the chair if she gets another x on her record. Kyle is worried. Partly because her kid growing up means Kyle will be lonely, and also because it means she’s also aging and could lose her hair at any moment.
The kid passes! WOWEE! This scene only makes me long for the days when Lisa would show up here with her Leech and make fun of the smelly poor DMV people. Sadness.
Brandi’s at a photoshoot for a magazine that Lisa contributes to, and Lisa shows up with a gay Barney Rubble type. Do you guys think Truman Capote dreamt of a day where pasty queens would do whatever they could to emulate him? Congrats, Tru! You’ve arrived!
Who shrunk Chaz Bono’s head?
It’s important to Lisa that Brandi find modeling work. It would be great for her self esteem and Lisa would have to stop at the ATM less. She advises B to “keep your knees together and your mouth shut.” HAHAH!!! If she could do that she’d still be married. They’re both a bit nervous about the Ojai trip. Twitch hates Brandi and Lisa hates Adrienne. Oh for crying out loud. They could never make a show like this with men, cuz we’d just turn on the TV and ignore each other.
Adrienne arrives to pick up the girls in a representation of her personality. Overblown, pretentious, and full of gas.