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Last week on the RHOC Season 7 Finale Part 1, Vicki offended PETA with her new coat, and Drunk Sarah offended Heather with her hypoglycemia.
Tonight we’re back dealing with the broken fondant bow, but Vicki has moved on to pulling Terry aside to admire her coat and she also asks him if he noticed Brooks’s new teeth. And she wonders why people think their relationship is weird! In other exciting news, Tamra announces that she’s eating tonight and shoves an hors’ d’oeuvre in her mouth. This brazen throwing off of her regular rules encourages Gretchen to pull Tamra inside to give her a present. Remember how on the first episode this season Tamra gave Gretchen a pink bracelet with a key on it so that they could lock away their past and unlock their future? Well, Gretchen reciprocates with a black bracelet that has a lock on it – you know, that Tamra’s key will unlock?
It also has a little purse charm and a heart that says “unbreakable” on it. Gretchen claims that this is because Tamra’s such a strong woman, but the truth is that “unbreakable” is the name of the single Gretchen just released. Very slick, Gretchen. Very slick. I bet that was Slade’s idea. Tamra’s clueless to the fact that this is Gretchen’s blatant self-promotion and she does her tearless cry. (I never noticed Tamra’s lack of tears until you guys pointed it out to me. Hilarious! Especially because she seems so concerned about smearing her inch-thick makeup.) Gretchen says “unbreakable” 20 more times and Tamra tells us how much she cherishes Gretchen and her friendship.
Elsewhere Sarah is ignoring the velvet ropes again and she approaches Heather in the kitchen to whine to her some more about overreacting about the bow. You know, as much as Heather has bugged me about lots of things, she’s good at getting to the point and stating it clearly. She tells Sarah this isn’t about the bow and her BS apology, it’s about her rude and disrespectful (and uninvited) behavior, and her refusal to just let it go. And now it’s time for her to leave.
She rallies the troops again and tells them that someone needs to get Sarah out of her house. I think it’s funny that Heather knows Sarah won’t go on her own.
Sarah is still just repeating “because of the cake?” and Alexis walks in and repeatedly demands “What’s going on? What happened?” Then when anyone tries to explain she just sticks her hand in their face and yells it again. Give it a rest, Alexis. Since when did you become the Great Peacemaker? Gretchen pleads with Sarah to leave and she and Slade walk her out the front door while Sarah complains about all these fake pretentious people. She starts to cry, “Is this the world we live in? Over a piece of cake?” Wow. Sarah, maybe next time try to grandstand about the sad state of human affairs when you’re not too drunk to walk.
Vicki is warm with wine and high fives Briana’s husband Ryan about coming into the family. Then she kisses his cheek and says she loves him. This can’t bode well. Sure enough, Vicki takes Ryan aside and tells him she’s super sorry about bad-mouthing him to his new bride, but it was her only defense when Briana said she didn’t like Brooks.
And now that Vicki is welcoming Ryan into the family, he needs to see to it that Briana welcomes Brooks into the family. Ryan is like, “Um, I don’t think so.” He tells Vicki that her fight with Briana is about Brooks and not him. But Briana should be able to ask questions about Brooks since he just swooped in on her mother. Vicki’s response? Well, you just swooped in on my daughter! Ryan says yes, and he’s happy to answer any questions about himself. Vicki has none. Ryan says Briana just wants to be sure Brooks is in this for the right reasons. Vicki says she just wants to be sure Ryan is in this for the right reasons. Ryan shows her his wedding ring and says he’s here for good. Vicki’s got nothing since neither she nor Brooks has a ring, so she resorts to begging Ryan for help with Briana. He finally says he’ll try to help with getting Briana to talk to Vicki. Vicki hugs him and says she sincerely loves him for loving her daughter… even though she hardly knows him and it’s FLIPPIN WEIRD! She never stops talking when she should, does she? She always has to get in that one final dig. Insurance!