Previously on The Real Housewives of Orange County, Vicki damaged hotel property in Costa Rica by plowing down Alexis’s door, then she drunkenly confessed that she’d go back to Donn if he would have her. So much for the new love of her life…
We join Vicki leading Brooks into the cosmetic dentist’s office. She complains to us about everyone always attacking Brooks and wonders if breaking up with him would make everyone happy, but then she’d be sad. I have a feeling that sad is in Vicki’s future no matter what. Ugh, how many shots do we need of Brooks’s disgusting hole in his teeth? Vicki tells us how important appearances are in Orange County and tells the doctor she’s “putting Humpty Dumpty back together.” Then she goes, “I accept Brooks with all his flaws.” Which is it, Vicks? Good thing Brooks is only in this for the perks. She also tells us she’s not being taken advantage of because she knows exactly what she’s doing – it’s her own personal “Swan” experiment.
“Next week we’re having consults for your ear reconstruction and your hair transplant. Because I love you just the way you are!”
Tamra and Eddie are on another search for the perfect carb-free meal and Tamra is wearing the most ridiculous sparkly micro-mini known to man. Eddie wants to borrow it. As they sit down and order, Tamra tells Eddie about the Alexis intervention and how she hopes that Alexis is going to see what everyone was trying to tell her and snap out of it. Nope. She never did get why they would think she’s phony. They must be jealous that she’s a news anchor. Anyway, with all of the intervening and other good-doing, Tamra barely had any time to relax, but Eddie surprises her with the news that he’s taking her to Bora Bora to get away again and really relax this time. It’s important to take lots of breaks from not working so that you don’t get overly stressed. Plus your kids might get used to seeing you too much and start expecting you to take care of them. Tamra immediately concludes that Eddie will be proposing marriage on this getaway. She yells to everyone in the restaurant that she’s going to Bora Bora and that they are not invited.
“Hellz yes! I really need a vacation!”
Here’s our tireless journalist Alexis! Fresh off of bucking her phoniness intervention, Alexis is all decked out in a chiffon drape and is ready to bring the world the latest breaking swimwear. She remembers what her coach Terry told her about being nowhere near ready to drive the live television bus, but tells us that today she’s completely ready to be a bus driver. While Alexis comments on the swimsuits walking around a pool, she reminds us how heroic it is of her to give up time with her family so that no one misses out on 2012 resort wear. She can do it all – full time mom, dress designer, anchor, runaway bus driver, blah, blah, blah.
“This is Alexis Bellino reminding you to STAY ABOVE 50!”
Tamra and Eddie leave in the middle of the night for the big proposal trip. It’s all very cloak and dagger. Tamra hasn’t told the other girls about the trip because she’ll be totally embarrassed if Eddie comes out of the closet instead of proposing. When they board the airplane Eddie says he has a surprise and Tamra freaks out because she does NOT want to be proposed to on an airplane the way Heather was. How tacky! Luckily Eddie only says he’s arranged massages for when they land. Tamra fake smiles and absently rubs her left ring finger. LOL.
“Cheers to getting mar… marinade for my steak. No carbs.”
Back home, Heather (of the ridiculous airplane marriage proposal) is visiting her personal cake-ee-ay because she’s throwing herself a huge I-changed-my-name party. It’s taken her like 12 years to get over being proposed to in coach and finally take her husband’s name. She’s doing the Housewives a favor by extending them invitations to this soiree of the century. Some of them haven’t been to Billionaire’s Row yet. It isn’t every day that Heather Paige Kent becomes Heather Dubrow.
“You’ll never believe it. I’m giving myself another party. I know! Crazy!”