RHOC Recap: Indecent Proposals


Naturally this calls for a wedding-caliber cake as a centerpiece in the grand foyer.  The cake lady starts throwing out ideas and mentions a Mad Hatter cake, which Heather quickly vetoes because it’s not “inherently her.”  No lopsided nonsense – this is a serious party for an ACTRESS.  When the lady switches gears to edible diamonds, Heather’s eyes light up.  And no one will mug her for her cake if the diamonds aren’t real, right?

Tamra and Eddie land in Bora Bora and board a water taxi where Eddie once again says he has a surprise and Tamra once again gets her finger ready, but he just pulls out a coconut bikini top.  He’s deliberately tormenting her.  Tamra’s like, “gee thanks.”  Naturally they’re staying in an overwater bungalow hut – The Four Seasons knows how to do product placement. 

“I wish I had a ri… a reason to take my top off!”

As they wander through their glorious rooms, Tamra cries that she’s never been the girl who thinks she deserves nice things.  Oh puh-lease.  That is nothing but a perfect set up to be rescued by shallow rich guy after shallow rich guy.  And look – it’s worked three times!  Hey… I’m starting to think that I don’t deserve nice things and it’s making me want to cry.  Anyone?  Anyone?

Hi Gretchen!  Nice to see you this episode.  Gretchen calls her dad from her car to tell him she stumbled across a text message on Slade’s phone from Newport Jewelers.  You KNOW that text was telling him to quit asking if they could put fake diamonds into their rings and accept an IOU. 

“I’m worried Slade’s going to steal my ATM card again…”

Gretchen’s dad says that he told Slade he didn’t think it was a good idea to propose given his current financial situation, but if Gretchen is worried she should probably talk to Slade. 

Bora Bora Proposal Fakeout Number Three is dinner on the beach wearing matching white outfits.  Tamra keeps trying to fill the silence with exclamations of awe about her surroundings. Try talking again about how you don’t feel like you deserve anything nice, Tamra.   Eddie gives speeches about the importance of communication and looking forward to combining their lives by moving in together.  Tamra keeps looking at the food and the glasses trying to spot a hidden diamond while giving one word answers.  With no proposal in sight, she reminds Eddie that she’s always said she wanted a ring before she’d move in with him.  Eddie tells her to forget about tradition because he’s happy with things the way they are.  Tamra realizes he’s not going to make with the ring, so she holds back tears and gulps down water.

“The gender reassignment surgery is SO cancelled.”

At Gretchen’s house, Slade is playing Solitaire on Gretchen’s computer and she asks if they can have a conversation about this text she accidentally saw.  Is Slade planning to propose?  With a fake diamond?  Slade snaps that yes he is!  Cubic zirconia reduces your risk of being a robbery victim!  Gretchen reminds him that they’ve discussed a lengthy list of things that need to happen before they can broach the topic of marriage and she doesn’t appreciate Slade discussing this with her dad and Heather before he’s made any kind of headway on his problems.  Slade finally screams, “Then say no!”  Wow, who doesn’t wish for a boyfriend like this?  Slade yells that he has been trying to improve his finances by working all of these jobs, not to mention assisting Gretchen.  Gretchen yells back that she’s told him a thousand times to stop trying to assist her!  She doesn’t need any more bedazzled t-shirts or Google lists!  What she needs is a copy of a bank statement that’s not in the red!  Slade says he’s busy practicing his comedy – it’s not like he just hangs out with his feet up.  Gretchen reminds him that she’d like to have a child before she’s 90 and at this rate it’s not going to happen with Slade. 

Gretchen:  “I want to be pregnant!”
Slade: “I make more than my usual fee for THAT kind of service.”

Late one afternoon in 2005, Honey Gangsta received an invite to join a two person blog set up by her former roommate who had recently ditched LA (California knows how to party) for the bright lights of NYC (these streets will make you feel brand new, the lights will inspire you). The purpose of the blog was to continue their nightly ritual of ripping on reality TV, which could no longer be done in person. Since Honey Gangsta was still watching 18 hours of TV a day and had nothing else to do, she agreed. 10,000 hits later, HG was inspired to submit a Bachelor recap to TVgasm - no one was reporting on Officer Mayo and his time traveling DeLorean - and the rest is history. It's been said that she writes what you're thinking. It's been said she is a genius - a Blogger Laureate of her time. It's also been said that the earth is flat and no one landed on the moon, so you just never know. With her keen observations, and colorful commentary, Honey Gangsta is beloved the world over.

41 Comments

  1. 1
    MrsMiaWallace
    Posted June 15, 2012 at 2:10 am

    @ Honey Gangsta, great recap! Thank you for doing justice to what drew me to the gasm in the first place!

    Did anyone else think of Hank Azaria in “Along Came Polly” when the SCUBA instructor came out???

    “You are for Scuba?”

    Love the continued hypocrisy of Vicki, I know she is on the brink this season but I have such a respect/utter loathing relationship towards her that I still revel in her negative moments.

    The ring/proposal setup was painful, supposedly Bravo offered the trip + ring deal to Slade but I guess Gretchen didn’t want any part of that and they gave it to Eddie instead. That is according to Gretchen and why she and Tamra are Twit-fighting. Supposedly. Reminds me of Gretchen congratulating Alexis on the Fox 5 gig by saying they’d offered it to her first!

    Slade almost had me sympathetic when he was saying he wanted to be able to tell people Gretchen was more than his gf because she meant more than that to him. It seemed like real emotion which I haven’t seen from him ever. Then I remember him shucking and jiving for Bravo and asking about a CZ or layaway plan and I realize he is as real as Gretchen’s slowly tranny-fying face.

  2. 2
    S-Natch S-Natch
    Posted June 15, 2012 at 5:45 am

    Fabulous recap, Honey! The engagement stank of “set up” form the beginning. I admire Tamra for calling it out before she even left for Bora Bora. I think most girls know when a proposal is coming, anyway, but this one was shouted from the rafters. Kinda like Eddie’s love for men’s bikini briefs and screenings of “The Hole.” Tamra needs to work on the faux crying, though – no tears.

    Vicki is becoming more and more pathetic. I used to admire that at least she honestly worked hard for what she had and forgave a lot of her shenanigans because she did not have to rely on her mannerisms and pretense to preserve a sugar daddy, but now she is just an idiot. I hope she watches this season and realizes how badly she is getting played. Payback (for dumping Donn) is a real bitch.

  3. 3
    LAC LAC
    Posted June 15, 2012 at 7:38 am

    Bravo on the recap! I was laughing all the way through.

    Tamra: have somebody else write your vows, m’kay? I think “hellz yes, bitches! We are gonna be fucking married style” is not one for the video. OMG, please let something looking like water come out of those eyes once in a while.

    Vicki – I guess teeth fixin’ pays off. Look how easy it was for Brooks to get a fur coat for you with a smile and a “howdy ma’am. Let me take care of your coat at the coat check stand.” There’s lady in a beverly hills restaurant right now with a blank piece of paper saying “WTF”?

    Gretchen – you have a great figure, but you could do with losing some weight – the pound of makeup on your face and Slade. Get rid of Slade first… :)

    Oh, Heather – you are following the grand housewives tradition of having a party for no other reason than to celebrate the wonder of you. Good job!

    Alexis – gave a tiny cheer that you got through the swimsuit show. But continue to bring the dumb (you can do it!!)

  4. 4
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted June 15, 2012 at 8:00 am

    Do you need a fur in southern cali? I have barely scene these women wear a long sleeve shirt let alone a fur coat.

  5. 5
    maryedith
    Posted June 15, 2012 at 8:08 am

    Watching Gretchen find reasons to squirm away from Slade and actually manage to cry over it in the process makes me realize Tamra was right about her all along. And I freaking HATE Tamra.

  6. 6
    S-Natch S-Natch
    Posted June 15, 2012 at 8:31 am

    LAC # 3 – Bwahahahaha!! Especially the Vicki scenario!

  7. 7
    Toad
    Posted June 15, 2012 at 8:38 am

    OK I am not the biggest Alexis fan but she has been growing on me the last few episodes… she is not the brightest tool in the shed but I do think she has a good heart and is sweet. Unlike Tamra who is a total mean girl. Totally jealous of her trip to Bora Bora tho.

    The Gretchen Slade “will we get engaged” drama is getting old. New Story line PLEASE!

  8. 8
    NotWithoutMyTV notwithoutmytv
    Posted June 15, 2012 at 9:03 am

    How do they keep a straight face during the irony-laden voice overs?

  9. 9
    labowner
    Posted June 15, 2012 at 9:26 am

    Well since we just saw the twitter pics of Alexis, Jim, Vicki and Brooks celebrating Jim’s birthday in Napa, obviously Vicki and Brooks are good with Vicki getting drunk and letting her true feelings come out about Donn. Wonder how she played that off?

    How long before the police show up at Vicki’s door looking for said stolen fur?

    Thank god this is almost over. So tired of the these lame ass women. We need a make over of the OC clan. Time for new, fun blood.

  10. 10
    mere2142
    Posted June 15, 2012 at 9:29 am

    @classy – i thought the same thing – why do you need a fur in OC?

    I didn’t quite follow Gretchen’s argument – Slade asked her Dad for permission and took Heather to help him pick out rings. And the two of them have talked about marriage and children so what did he do that was so wrong? Oh and hell just froze over since I appear to be defending that d-bag!

  11. 11
    cherrylipgloss
    Posted June 15, 2012 at 9:36 am

    @S-natch… since she couldnt squeeze out a tear she went with some obviously self induced shaking thing…. she is totally emotionless and it is painfully obvious

  12. 12
    aliens.rock aliens.rock
    Posted June 15, 2012 at 10:32 am

    “Taken by surprise like Tamra”?! Exactly, because I saw it coming from the episode one, just as she and producers did!!! Obviously the whole thing was rigged, paid by Bravo, and staged. At the beginning I didn’t think Eddie could be gay, but now I am starting to think he is turning into a pussy-whipped attention whore. He has this weird creepy looking smile when he looks at Tamra. If this is a look of love, I’d rather die single.
    Back to the engagement. Yeah, it was either Gretchen and Slade, or Tamra and Eddie. Was anybody betting on Vicky and Brooks?
    Tamra’s fake crying and gasping, please. And why would you go swimming wearing fake eyelashes?!She is fake and dumb, although smart enough to bag another sucker as her husband to be.

  13. 13
    cloudsinmycoffee
    Posted June 15, 2012 at 10:34 am

    @ labowner. Do you really think Brooks cares about what Vicki said? I bet he caressed her arm and looked lovingly into her eyes as he graciously forgave her, all the while thinking “I ain’t leaving you until my carcass is being pecked at by pigeons! Sugar Mama!”

    Tamra, NOBODY believed this whole trip. I saw that shit coming from 8 miles away, in a clam? Really? Whatever. And goodness Eddie has such an odd face, he really did give off gay vibes in that white shirt of his. Ugh.

    Slade is such an asshole. I don’t see what he means about loving Gretchen so much as he loves what she does for him. If he really, truly loved her, he’d get his shit together and haul ass to sort out his problems. Or, better still, if he truly loved his CHILD he’d do everything that he could. Does he even see his kid?

    And is it just me, or does anyone else feel like they probably filmed scenes with Drunk Sara but cut her out of the show ala Dana from RHOBH?

  14. 14
    sheesh sheesh
    Posted June 15, 2012 at 10:46 am

    Cloudsinmycoffee….Slade only loves Slade. Gretchen only loves Gretchen.
    They need to stay together so they don’t make two other people miserable.

    Lac..”celebrating the wonder of you”. Awesome.

  15. 15
    LAC LAC
    Posted June 15, 2012 at 11:06 am

    @ sheesh – LOL!!! So it really is an act of humanitarian mercy that those two stay together? In that case, Bravo get the ring on it!

    Ladies, it wouldn’t matter if it was 98 degrees in the shade, Vicki is going to that party with that fur on. “Brooks bought me a fur coat! WOOOO HOOOOO!!! Suck on that, people who don’t support my love tank filler !!”

  16. 16
    sheesh sheesh
    Posted June 15, 2012 at 11:24 am

    I would think that a fur coat is not the wisest choice of gift for a woman who has just boarded the menopause train.

  17. 17
    NotAlway'sPerfekt
    Posted June 15, 2012 at 11:26 am

    I found Tamra’s reaction to the surprise ring-in-a-clam completely phony. It was so obvious to me that she knew damn well there was a ring in it as soon as Eddie said “This one is special, you don’t need a knife to open it”… And she had the nerve to call Alexis phoney! Lawd, I can’t stand Barnyard Barney!

  18. 18
    Debbie
    Posted June 15, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    I . . . was . . . trying . . . to eat . . . when they flew us into Brooks’ mouth (insert sigh) . . . and failed . . .

  19. 19
    maryedith
    Posted June 15, 2012 at 1:08 pm

    So Bravo paid for the engagement trip? That is really funny considering Eddie kept talking and gesturing as if he were handing Bora Bora to Tamra on a silver platter.

    When Gretchen became besties with Tamra she didn’t need Slade to keep on her on the show anymore. Suddenly, after three years, his deadbeat status becomes an issue? Give me a break.

    I know people are tired of these hos but I so want the cameras to stay with them for a few more years. I want to see whatever it is that goes terribly wrong with Eddie. I want to see what happens when Vicki realizes Brooks isn’t going to give her anything that can’t fall off the back of a truck.

  20. 20
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted June 15, 2012 at 1:12 pm

    Re: the Fur comment, I used to think the same thing until I saw women wearing them all over Beverly Hills in March. You’d think it was Antartica, not 60 degress and sunny. So yea it’s sad but it happens

    Hey- anyone remember the season opener when Tam-RA met Heather Eyebrow to scope some real estate for new her digs? No story board, my ass! Wayt o close the loop editing.

    Nice Speed reference Honey G, and thanks for the recap as always!

  21. 21
    maryedith
    Posted June 15, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    Oh yeah! I wondered why I felt a question mark in the back of my mind when Heather talked about showing off her house next episode. THIS house was supposed to be small for her, right?

  22. 22
    patsy boyle
    Posted June 15, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    I think Theresa has a love for her brother that is not normal, if you get my drift.

  23. 23
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted June 15, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    Did anybody else catch when the dentist said Brooks would end up with 10 wonderful teeth?

    So he’ll have to remember not to smile real big. And get ready for lots of cracks about biting off what he can’t chew.

  24. 24
    NotWithoutMyTV notwithoutmytv
    Posted June 15, 2012 at 2:03 pm

    I’d have to agree that Brooks is either just in it for Vicki’s money or he’s playing along for the camera time, because to have VICKI criticize your appearance? And not say anything? That’s some iron-willed self control, right there.

  25. 25
    labowner
    Posted June 15, 2012 at 2:14 pm

    Gypsy my first ever trip to San Diego folks were wearing fluffy down coats and I was running around in my bikini. You get use to the weather. In Cabo it’s 80-85 and the locals were freezing and I thought it was heaven. We both thought each other was nuts.

    And I am the baby mammas are going to be so happy he was enough money for a fur. I smell a redo on the child support court case coming his way.

  26. 26
    labowner
    Posted June 15, 2012 at 2:16 pm

    I am in need of a drink. ;)

  27. 27
    Posted June 15, 2012 at 4:17 pm

    Why do Slade and Gretchen keep talking about having kids together? Slade had a vasectomy. I distinctly remember that from an earlier season. I know that all tv shows have continuity issues, but a show that is supposed to be based in “reality” should keep that kind of info on a post-it before creating a whole new storyline. It’s not like he is suddenly, Sloan – Slade’s evil twin. He’s an older guy who got snipped. Even a reversal wouldn’t guarantee pregnancy.

  28. 28
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted June 15, 2012 at 5:03 pm

    @PlathAddict Yeah I’m calling bullshit on the whole Gretchen and Slimey story line. In case I didn’t already.

    It’s got to be staged for the show. I know @labowner said they could just get a prenup. But somebody else was saying California won’t let you prenup out anything to do with child support. Plus other stuff about how he’d still be responsible for the $11 million doctor bill. And if they get married then he’s got half of Gretchen’s $. Which would mean the doctor gets half of Gretchen’s $. Which wouldn’t be even close to $11 million but it’d be more than the 0 they’d get from Slimey single.

    I don’t know why he didn’t just go bankrupt on that doctor bill a long time ago.

    It’s not like he’s the only person they let run 1 up before times changed. (Which he should be glad for because at least his baby’s still alive)

  29. 29
    Katie
    Posted June 15, 2012 at 9:39 pm

    These shows have run out of storylines so I would like to throw in a few of my own:

    Season 8 of OC:
    1. Vicki has a pregnancy scare and is torn between it being Jim Bellino or Brooks.
    2. Tamra finds Eddie in the arms of her son Ryan in her new workout gym .
    3. Gretchen invents a new cocktail that she names “Gretchen Christine” and becomes a wealthy cougar hooking up with Vicki’s son Michael with “assistance” from Slade.
    4. Alexis returns to a community college to get her degree in geography.
    5. The residents of Orange County are shown marching en masse up the hill to Heather’s house bearing torches and pickforks in protest of “another party” celebrating another non event in the life of Mrs. Doctor to the Stars.
    6. Sarah moves to NY where she moves in with Ramona and announces that she too slept with Harry.
    7. Briana and her new hubby voluntarily join the Witness Protection Program thus giving her mother another opportunity to cry on cue.
    8. Jeana returns just long enough to throw a drink into Vicki’s face during another fabulous vacation featuring monkeys.

  30. 30
    Too-Old-To-Care
    Posted June 16, 2012 at 12:51 am

    No one has mentioned Vicki directing the dentist on exactly how he would change Brook’s mouth. The dentist didn’t have a chance to make recommendations. Brooks definitely noticed, and got off a good shot with, “If you have any questions, call Vicki!”

    Reminded me of Jill’s trip to the dentist with someone – I don’t remember who. She was ALSO telling the dentist exactly what they should do to improve the person’s smile. Oh, wait. Wasn’t it the hw that couldn’t eat lunch because one of her caps fell off? They DO all start to run together look alike, don’t they?

    Jeana returns just long enough to throw a drink into Vicki’s face during another fabulous vacation featuring monkeys.

    I’d pay to watch it if Jeana returned just long enough to throw a monkey into Vicki’s face during another fabulous vacation featuring drinks.

  31. 31
    mere2142
    Posted June 16, 2012 at 6:35 am

    @ Katie – I think you’re onto something. Have you contacted Miss Andy?

    I think Shrill Zarin took Cyndi to the dentist if I remember correctly.

  32. 32
    Rosemary's Baby
    Posted June 16, 2012 at 11:57 am

    I don’t think Tamra CAN shed tears anymore. All that Botox has paralyzed her tear ducts.

  33. 33
    thisbuggs4u
    Posted June 16, 2012 at 1:34 pm

    Gypsy, when we were stationed in SD for the navy, I went out in a tanktop and shorts one rainy day, and you’d have thought that I escapted from the nut house!! Should’ve seen all the crazy looks people were giving me. Mind you it was a balmy 70 degrees in Feb and raining, but still. I am from WA. I will take rain and 70 anyday of the week. When it “sprinkles” eh light rain to me, they all run for cover or the nearest Rite Aid for a freaking umbrella!!

    My DVR spazzed out, and recoreded the first 45 minutes and then the last 15 minutes of the episode. I deleted the last 15 minutes by accident thinking it was the first 15 minutes that I had already watched. I got to the part where Tam went scuba diving in her weave and fake eyelashes….oy!

  34. 34
    annie Annie
    Posted June 18, 2012 at 8:54 am

    Since I’m a huge nerd, I did a little research on how much it would have cost “Eddie” (AKA Bravo) for the Bora Bora Trip. The bungalow location at the Four Seasons, plus the plane ride (first class!) and all the extras (scuba diving, massage, etc) would have cost Eddie at least $15,000. Does he have that kind of money?

    I think Gretchen really has no desire to be with Slade. She keeps saying “get your child support in order and I will marry you”, knowing he never will..so therefore the pressure is always on him, and the ball is not in her court. I do think she secretly likes Slade working for her (for free) and she’s using him for that.

    Oh and I have to side with Heather on this: not a fan of the “mad hatter” style cake. AT ALL

  35. 35
    trkaelin
    Posted June 18, 2012 at 9:03 am

    It’s obvious……… Vicki will slowly turn Brooks into into Donn. It all starts with the teeth.

  36. 36
    maryedith
    Posted June 18, 2012 at 9:14 am

    Yes, and it ends at that house on the river. There’ll be, like, five ex-husbands living it up there before Vicki’s through.

  37. 37
    Mimo
    Posted June 18, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    @kthxbai – in most states, medical bills are not dischargeable in bankruptcy.

  38. 38
    labowner
    Posted June 18, 2012 at 2:34 pm

    And because of people like Slade and tons of gang bangers with bad aim, have any of you been treated to the “your insurance covers only this much, how would you like to pay for the rest of the procedure you haven’t had yet?”

  39. 39
    toomuchtv
    Posted June 18, 2012 at 3:09 pm

    Tamra is beautiful on the outside but she is so mean inside that it doesn’t matter. That’s why I couldn’t care about her romantic trip or engagement at all. The way they all confronted Alexis awhile back was absurd. Yes Alexis is dumb and vain and defensive, but Tamra goes out of her way to hurt people, which is far worse.
    Slade uses Gretchen, Gretchen uses Slade….everyone on this show uses someone else. Its what they do in Orange County apparently.

  40. 40
    cherrylipgloss
    Posted June 18, 2012 at 3:14 pm

    @annie….alex mccord recently tweeted that bravo picks up the tab for all those things. glad to hear it confirmed by someone who knows

  41. 41
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted June 18, 2012 at 9:19 pm

    @Mimo I didn’t know that. You keep seeing all these things about how it’s the number 1 cause.

    But then I guess that’s why they’d want to make it illegal. Since sometimes people that go bankrupt get to keep their house. Instead of signing it over to the doctor.

Post a Comment

Your email is never published nor shared. Required fields are marked *

*
*

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Human Verification: In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.