Error: Twitter did not respond. Please wait a few minutes and refresh this page.
Last week on RHOC, an entire network pooled its resources to get Tamra Barney engaged for the third time. To a gay man. In Bora Bora.
And look! Tamra’s back in Orange County and on the loose ready to wave her ring in everyone’s face. She meets up with Heather in a restaurant where Heather tells us that she already knows about the ring cause Tamra called her from Bora Bora. This is old news, let’s talk about her party. Oh wait, Gretchen’s arriving and she doesn’t know about the ring yet. Heather’s worried that Gretchen might be super jealous that Eddie isn’t in the hole and can buy an engagement ring. But not as jealous as EVERYONE is of Gretchen’s royal blue dangly feather earrings.
Instead of just telling about the trip, Tamra has brought along a photo album and embarks on a play-by-play. She has to wake Gretchen up when she gets to the page with the fedoras and clams.
Gretchen screams, then asks why Vicki isn’t here. Apparently Vicki is ignoring Tamra, so Heather’s in charge of the bridal shower and Gretchen’s in charge of the bachelorette party. Yes, I’m sure Tamra’s in desperate need of new flatware and a crock pot. Gretchen tells us she thinks it’s weird that Tamra barely signed her divorce papers and is already engaged again. Well what’s she supposed to do, Gretchen? Work? She’s never been a girl who deserves nice things, so this is her time.
Alexis is meeting Drunk Sarah for cocktails because she needs someone to tell her that she’s not really phony like the other girls say. Sarah doesn’t get a chance to say much because Alexis goes on and on about how she called everyone in her Rolodex and asked point blank if she’s phony. Everyone said no. So that’s settled. Also Gretchen didn’t even have her back in Costa Rica, Vicki did!
Sarah’s just like, “Are you going to drink that?” Alexis tells Sarah about Heather’s upcoming party and worries that it will be weird seeing everyone for the first time since the failed intervention, so Sarah better come with her.
There’s a florist at Billionaire’s Row and all kinds of rented furniture in the backyard. Who’s getting married? Oh that’s right, Heather’s getting married to herself. Actually, she’s throwing herself a reception-type party because she finally decided to take her husband’s last name. She tells us that all of the ladies will get a glass of champagne with a diamond in it and one of the diamonds will be real. What? Someone’s begging to get robbed! I hope Alexis doesn’t get it cause she’ll just trade it for a fake one since that’s safer. During her walkthrough of the setup, Heather comes to the cake and is very disappointed. It’s not nearly as magnificent as she expected and there’s no sparkly platter like the lady said there would be. It’s black and white checkered with HD in hot pink and a huge hot pink fondant bow on the top. How Super Sweet 16. Heather wanted and deserves something much grander. Especially for $550.
Vicki must be penny pinching after Humpty’s new veneers, so she’s doing her own makeup for Heather’s party. She tells us that it’s way too soon for Tamra and Eddie to be engaged. Nobody gets engaged before Vicki. Nobody! And here’s Humpty himself, pulling up in a limo. He rings the doorbell and presents Vicki with a fur coat. Vicki practically tears it off of the hanger with her teeth. There’s a Christmas wreath on Vicki’s door, so I guess it’s winter.
Brooks: “Well… I wrote a check… So yes.”