She tells us that the haters can eat their words because Brooks can afford a fur, so there! On the car ride to the party Vicki worries about seeing Briana for the first time since their blowout (during which Vicki was wearing fake fur), so tonight she’s really going to stick it to Briana in this brand new real fur coat!
Tamra and Eddie are in another car on their way to Heather’s party and Tamra is fuming about Vicki’s comments that she and Eddie are moving too fast. This from the woman who has a joint checking account with a man she barely knows? Vicki and Brooks have a joint checking account? I think I just figured out how Brooks can afford a fur coat. Eddie’s like, “Um… we’re not moving too fast… I made you wait till the third day of our trip for the ring…” while Tamra’s voice gets higher and higher pitched.
Alexis and Sarah are also en route and Alexis warns that if anyone approaches her about Costa Rica it better be to apologize. She has an entire Rolodex of people willing to vouch for her non-phoniness. Sarah offers to confront everyone for Alexis, but Alexis declines. She’s too legit for that.
Heather has hired someone to straighten her hair and Terry watches, then asks if Alexis is going to confront him tonight about calling her phony behind her back. Heather assures him that such behavior would be utterly inappropriate on a night such as this, celebrating Heather. And if Alexis dares any such thing, she will be immediately removed from the premises without any diamond – real or fake.
“Then we’ll have to stage an Etiquette Intervention.”
Tamra arrives first and informs us that she magnanimously left her ring at home because had she worn it she would surely be mobbed and made to repeatedly tell the proposal story and she didn’t want to detract any attention away from Heather’s new last name. She describes Heather’s house as looking like a hotel, which it totally does. It totally feels like you need to approach a desk and give someone money. Certainly not like you should get comfortable and spend some time.
Alexis and Drunk Sarah arrive next, both wearing furs. Too bad, Vicki.
“It’s Anchor Alexis Bellino with breaking news, everyone. I’m not phony.”
Heather is appalled to see Sarah, who was most definitely not invited. But she’s relieved that at least Jimmy the Chin isn’t there to make trouble. When Vicki arrives she shakes hands with the caterer and curtsies. She’s dying to tell him that Brooks bought her the fur she’s wearing, but she gets too distracted by the grandeur of Heather’s house. Humpty Dumpty hasn’t seen a building this pretty since he was in the Stardust in Vegas. He’s glad he has brand new teeth so he looks like he belongs here. When Vicki reaches Tamra she refuses to congratulate her on getting engaged, but twirls and announces that Brooks bought her this fur TODAY. Tamra’s like, “I didn’t ask.”
“Oh yeah? Well Eddie bought me this di- Crap, I KNEW I should have worn it!”
Gretchen arrives in a dress that matches the floral arrangements. She and Slade find Heather and Terry and Slade shoves a box at Heather and demands that she uses what’s in it RIGHT NOW. It’s actually nice. They’re champagne flutes with a fancy “D” etched in them for Dubrow.
“That’s enough, Gretchen. Your polyester feather is sticking to my lip gloss.”
Gretchen turns around to greet Vicki, but she can’t say anything because Vicki drowns her out announcing that Brooks bought her this coat. Today. Did you hear that? Brooks bought this coat today! Gretchen tells us she thinks Vicki bought it for herself.
Briana arrives with her husband and Vicki tackles her to tell her all about the coat Brooks bought her. Today. Briana goes, “Mm hmm. My dress cost twenty dollars.” Sassy brat.