Drunk Sarah is quickly inebriating and she and Alexis go in search of a bathroom. This presents a huge problem since Heather has literally roped off sections of her house with velvet ropes and stanchions. You need a VIP pass to get to those bathrooms. Sarah just climbs over the rope and goes in anyway. Seriously. Velvet ropes? Wouldn’t people invited to your home be your friends? You really need to rope them off? Wait, I guess Sarah just answered that question for me. Alexis tells Sarah that her eyes look a little drunk and she’d better switch to water. Aw, what would be the fun in that?
Look who’s arriving! It’s Jeana Keough and her daughter Kara! Apparently Gretchen and Slade invited them. Tamra panics because the last time she saw Jeana she was throwing a glass of wine in her face in Vicki’s backyard for blabbing to the press about Tamra’s divorce. Vicki runs right over to Jeana and Kara to tell them about her new coat. Humpty comes over to meet Jeana and remarks that she and Kara must be sisters, which does not amuse Kara at all. What DOES amuse Kara is a plastic poncho she brought to protect her dress from any airborne wine. She puts it on and walks back and forth in front of Tamra.
“Watch. When I pour this glass on myself, it will just bead up and run off. Genius, right?”
Tamra sees this and comes to ask Kara to talk. They sit down at Heather’s glass globe fountain and Kara asks about the wine attack and Tamra bawls and tries to defend what she did because her divorce was hard and Jeana was a meanie. But she’s sorry anyway. Jeana cautiously approaches and Tamra screams at her to stay away. Just kidding, everyone kisses and makes up. Then they all talk trash about each other to the camera.
An anonymous guest of Heather’s comes to kiss Heathers
butt cheek and says that the girl in the red dress who is dating a 60-year-old broke the hot pink bow off the top of Heather’s cake and ate it. She means Drunk Sarah. Heather is aghast. She assesses the cake and it’s true!
“Alright. This is SERIOUSLY my Bat Mitzvah all over again.”
She gathers Terry, Tamra and Vicki and tells them about the bow. Vicki gives her usual, “Who does that?” but Tamra goes and drags Sarah over to the group and asks if she ate the bow. Sarah says that yes she did, but only because she has this issue where she has to constantly have sugar or else she will die and since there is no food anywhere she had no choice but to gobble up the bow and now everyone should just get over it. Heather’s like, “That’s pretty rude. And there are white-gloved waiters carrying trays of food around everywhere.” Terry is all hilarious trying to be nice about it, saying, “See, she changed her name to mine and that’s what the cake is all about. It’s sorta not cool… a little bit…” Bedside manner. Did you know he’s a plastic surgeon? Alexis steps in, orders Sarah to say she’s sorry, and tells everyone they’re overreacting. Sarah keeps repeating, “I have a sugar problem…” Vicki gets to the point. “You have an ALCOHOL problem. Stop drinking!” Unfortunately she only says that to the camera. Sarah offers to give Heather her effing credit card to buy another cake and Heather tells her she’d better watch her language.
“This is Billionaire’s Row, not Skid Row.”
Sarah keeps babbling and everyone decides to pursue the option of trying to reasonably explain bad behavior to a girl who’s obviously wasted and has proven in the past she can’t handle her liquor. Alexis keeps trying to defend Sarah because Sarah doesn’t think she’s phony and obviously the girls are just ganging up on Sarah the way they ganged up on Alexis in Costa Rica. They’re nothing but a bunch of ganger-uppers. Sarah tells Heather she’s fake and pretentious and just then someone gives Heather an Oreo, which she hands to Sarah to treat her sugar problem. She then asks her to go quiet down and Sarah tells her again to get over it and that she’ll buy Heather a new cake. She yells at everyone that it’s not cool to gang up on her and then she’s led away by unseen escorts. Aw, you can always depend on the kindness of strangers. Alexis turns to Heather, calls her “honey” and tells her it’s mean to attack a girl with a sugar problem. Heather’s not having it. She gave Sarah an Oreo, didn’t she?
“That cake symbolizes ME! SHE ATE MY SOUL!!!”