RHOC Recap: Puppy Princess Party

Recaps

By Honey Gangsta | Friday, May 18, 2012 | 12:01 am | 62 Comments
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Posted in: Real Housewives of Orange County, Recaps

While he does this Tamra talks about how she needs to move her kids in with Eddie because it’s about time they had a stable factor in their lives, right?  Please just remember to ta-ttoo Eddies name along your collarbone first because this time it’s for reals.

Oh, let’s check in on Vicki and see how terrible her life is today.  Her brother Billy is in her kitchen and they discuss – again – Briana’s grand betrayal. 

“Having my mother-of-the-bride gown custom designed would have made such a great spin-off series.  Can’t Briana ever think of others?”

Vicki tells in disbelief how Briana thinks she’s still going to get a full blown wedding with the white dress and everything.  Of course, what Briana really deserves is to be banished for life from the gated communities of Orange County.  Unless she decides to accept Brooks, of course.  After that she can come back home – but still no wedding.  Billy wants to know if it’s going to be weird to have both Brooks and Donn at the wedding, if there is a wedding.  Vicki says it won’t be weird because Donn knows the score.  He let her go and Brooks picked her up.  As if Vicki is some hot commodity.  

And it’s time for the puppy princess party.  Remember Shannon?  Alexis’s makeup girl / hired friend?  Well she’s here this morning to put makeup on the twins who are turning four.  It’s not a children’s birthday party until little girls look like trashy hookers!  Alexis watches and keeps egging Shannon on to put MORE makeup on the toddlers.  It’s never too early! 

“Mastering this technique will get you lots of presents, honey.”

To emphasize the puppy theme Alexis has arranged to have a puppy adoption take place at her house.  I’m certain that each puppy is the son or daughter of the King and Queen Dog. Alexis talks about her birthday parties from when she was little and how she’d have a couple of friends over and her mom would make a cake from a box.  Oh, and how she thought those were the best parties ever.  Guess what, Brainiac.  Your children would think the SAME THING!  You think they’re going to even remember their fourth birthday party?  You could have saved yourself a ton of money, an airbrush tan, and a team of 50 laborers and those little girls would have been every bit as happy.  You could have even painted their faces yourself.

Let’s take a detour over to Billionaire’s Row, where Gretchen is stopping by to take a look at Heather’s mansion.  They walk past the monogrammed marble floor and sit down in the lounge area of Heather’s bathroom where Heather offers Gretchen champagne.  I wonder if Heather ever leaves this preening area of her house.  I guess she does venture to the office sometimes to make phone calls.  Heather asks Gretchen about her relationship with Slade and Gretchen tells Heather what she told Tamra last week – that she doesn’t want to assume Slade’s financial disasters by getting married.  Heather panics and asks Gretchen if Slade knows this.  Does he understand that Gretchen’s not interested in getting married?  Gretchen’s like, I think so, why?  What did he tell you?  Heather gulps. 

“How do you feel about stainless steel and cubic zirconia?”

Gretchen says she thinks that she and Slade need counseling and that she’s told him she wants to be pregnant by the time she’s 35 or 36 (she’s 34 now).  So that means he’d have to straighten out a lot of things immediately. Gretchen cries and says she can’t imagine being without Slade, but she doesn’t know what to do with his giant messes.  Heather strongly recommends the counseling.  When you’re bawling about the havoc your boyfriend has reeked upon the lives of others, this may not be a good time to be thinking about getting pregnant.

And back to the party where princess puppies are peeing all over Alexis’s house and ALEXIS is wearing a crown.  She brags to us that she found princess actors online to hire for the party.  See?  She really CAN do it all!  Please.  We all know Assistant Christina Googled those princesses and reserved them.  Alexis can’t even turn a computer on.  Small toddlers begin to arrive dressed as princesses, and then Alexis’s son James rings a bell and announces the entrance of his sisters.  But before they can descend the staircase triumphantly, Alexis decides that now would be an appropriate time to make a speech about the graphic details of the twins’ birth.  She goes on and on to her audience of small children and their parents about how she almost died of a pulmonary embolism and how she was strung out on Demerol and Morphine and that’s what this celebration is all about!  Alexis risking her life so that she could have little girls to put makeup on and the neighbors could have this party to come to.  The kids look completely bored and the parents look completely mortified. 

“Where the hell are the princess puppies?”

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Late one afternoon in 2005, Honey Gangsta received an invite to join a two person blog set up by her former roommate who had recently ditched LA (California knows how to party) for the bright lights of NYC (these streets will make you feel brand new, the lights will inspire you). The purpose of the blog was to continue their nightly ritual of ripping on reality TV, which could no longer be done in person. Since Honey Gangsta was still watching 18 hours of TV a day and had nothing else to do, she agreed. 10,000 hits later, HG was inspired to submit a Bachelor recap to TVgasm - no one was reporting on Officer Mayo and his time traveling DeLorean - and the rest is history. It's been said that she writes what you're thinking. It's been said she is a genius - a Blogger Laureate of her time. It's also been said that the earth is flat and no one landed on the moon, so you just never know. With her keen observations, and colorful commentary, Honey Gangsta is beloved the world over.

62 Comments

  1. 1
    MmmmKate
    Posted May 18, 2012 at 5:12 am

    Lol! They are all idiots! Adopt a puppy, ask are completely stunned parents who are recovering from my Demerol Death speech! Lmao! Surgically remove an ounce of ta tooooed skin and get the sh*ts. Wow. HG you make this circus bearable.

  2. 2
    ohralphie
    Posted May 18, 2012 at 5:51 am

    My fury would burn like a thousand suns if I took my 4 year old to birthday party where there were dogs up for adoption. It will be a cold day in hell before Alexis is invited to coffee with the other moms after this (and as a stay at home mom I can tell you that meeting for coffee is the only thing keeping you connected and sane. Bitch will be frozen out).
    Anyone else understand Gretchens attachment to Simon? Is it real or is it for the storyline? If it is real, I cannot begin to fathom the attraction.
    Great recap H-G!

  3. 3
    ohralphie
    Posted May 18, 2012 at 5:52 am

    Simon? I meant Slade!

  4. 4
    NotWithoutMyTV notwithoutmytv
    Posted May 18, 2012 at 6:00 am

    Yeah, throwing cute puppies at kids and encouraging them to beg their parents is not cool.

    Or, take the $5,000 you spent on that stoopid party and just give it directly to an animal shelter, fuckwit.

  5. 5
    randomnicole
    Posted May 18, 2012 at 6:08 am

    Ugh, these people. Thanks for the great recap – I lost track of the episode after Tamra mentioned being a girl from Glendora. Because holy batshit, I went to high school with her!!! I don’t think I knew her though. Of course looking through the yearbooks I don’t remember any of those people, really.

    Can all the guys except Terry just go away already? Slade Slimey, Jimmy the Chin, creepy Brooks, rapey-eyed Ryan…blechhhh.

    If my kids went to a party where they were told to beg me for a puppy, that mom would be so dead to me. Who does that?

  6. 6
    randomnicole
    Posted May 18, 2012 at 6:09 am

    Oh, I forgot greasy and totally non-gay Eddie. Yeah.

  7. 7
    kczar
    Posted May 18, 2012 at 6:24 am

    Alexis is like a big old dumb gift that keeps giving. Whoring up her four year old daughters, being a puppy pusher, relating wildly inappropriate birth stories in front of a bunch of children. Maybe spray tanning causes brain damage.

    Vicki is one of those horrible people who can never sincerely apologize. Every time Brianna would express a (rightful) concern, she would turn it right back on her. And can a woman who’s on her second divorce and already dating someone else really make judgments on someone else’s should for a mate? And we all knew she had taken up with Brooks long before she dumped Donn (and she filed for divorce: Donn didn’t “drop her”.) If we could keep Brianna on the show, I’d love for them to drop Vicki. But not before Brooks dupes her with some scam and then leaves town.

  8. 8
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted May 18, 2012 at 6:34 am

    Somehow I imagine women all over the cuntry *smirk* sighing and wishing they could live lifestyles like that. Sighing and guzzling boxed wine and wishing their husbands were like Slade Slimey, Jimmy the Chin, creepy Brooks, rapey-eyed Ryan. Thank you, RandomN for itemizing those creeps so nicely.

    And these people vote!

  9. 9
    msjacqmills
    Posted May 18, 2012 at 6:55 am

    And, by “these puppies are available for adoption”, she means, “these puppies are for sale for $800 and up”. What an ass! Seriously, all that ridiculousness for a 4 year old birthday party. Did she not see all the flack Failor took for Kennedy’s ridiculous parties. These women are moronic!

    Don’t even get me started on Tamra and Vickie this week. They both act like children…ridiculous!

  10. 10
    featherhead
    Posted May 18, 2012 at 7:03 am

    I thought Vicki’s head was going to explode when her brother mentioned Donn dating someone! I thought Eddie was going to swallow his tongue when he tells Tamra that he won’t buy her a ring until she removes the tattoo, and when she holds up her stitched up finger – Eddie’s face turned white. He has no more excuses now, lol!!
    Goooo Brianna – that fight was epic!! Too bad Vicki tells Brooks next week that Brianna called him an opportunist! Way to throw your daughter under the bus Vicki!! I loved that Brianna had all kinds of ammunition from the internet and Vicki’s home computer! Why should Brianna be concerned that Donn wants spousal support? Vicki’s just trying to make Donn look bad in Brianna eyes (but I think Brianna may be a little smarter then Vicki gives her credit for).

  11. 11
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted May 18, 2012 at 7:15 am

    DramaZ! It’s really not right to push puppies on people at any time. They are so darn cute and loveable you know the kids (or parents) are going to want to take one home and then regret the decision. So every time they look at the dog they remember Alexis stupid party. So if there was ever a reason to hate her there you go…

    Loved the fight between Vicki and Brianna, not like that shitfest on Basketball Wives. Brianna was going full force. I think Vicki was embarrassed she said those things while the cameras were rolling (thankfully they finally caught some of the good shit.) But I think that Brianna is upset that her mom is dating another guy and that she speaks poorly of Don when Don helped Vicki raise two children that weren’t his own.

    On your home COMPUTER!!! Classic!

    And you could see Vicki trying to do damage control. No no remember Brianna I said I knew him through work. Brianna was having none of that, and I love her for it.

  12. 12
    rebecca pressley
    Posted May 18, 2012 at 7:38 am

    in NC there is a law called “injured spouse”, where a spouse is NOT responsible for the debt of the other spouse if the debt is created before the marriage”. I dont know if CA has this or not, in that case gretchen would not be responsible for slades mess.

  13. 13
    Claudia
    Posted May 18, 2012 at 8:02 am

    She’s really out-dumbed herself this time. Her “SPEECH” ………….amazing. Just like her “brain” .
    Which is a size of the peanut. And she really think FOX 5 considering to gave her a position for real?!?!?! Of course she is! Because of her “KNOWLEDGE”!!!
    And not because she IS the “Town’s IDIOT”. Poor Alexis. This is to funny!!! (and embarrassing)

  14. 14
    Too-Old-To-Care
    Posted May 18, 2012 at 8:32 am

    Gretchen continues to worry about not getting pregnant in the next year or so, but conveniently forgets that she and Slade discussed how he’s HAD A VASECTOMY! Why do I get the feeling Gretchen really *doesn’t* know where babies come from. :^)

  15. 15
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted May 18, 2012 at 8:38 am

    Rebecca, do you think any of these dolts is smart enough to look up something like that? Oh, I know they have “people” to do that sort of work for them, but even “people” need to be given direction.

  16. 16
    Too-Old-To-Care
    Posted May 18, 2012 at 8:47 am

    Vicki appearing at Brianna’s sans make-up was a big mistake. Now we all know how much she needs to be planed and spackled.

    Something’s up with Heather’s face, too. Every once in a while, like when she was talking with Gretchen (in the bathroom receiving area!), her cheeks were so high they made her eyes look very narrow. I don’t think make-up can make your cheekbones suddenly look high.

    A.N.D. Tamra’s mouth looks weird when she’s talking with Eddie at dinner.

    With all the time and money these women spend on their faces, you’d think they’d work harder to hide the flaws.

  17. 17
    Toad
    Posted May 18, 2012 at 10:17 am

    I think Briana did the SMART thing by eloping. I really don’t think she ever intended on having a huge wedding anyway and said that just to shut Vicki up. I would do the exact same thing if I had psycho vicki as a mom. And she needs to get over it already. Your daughter got married why cant you just be happy for her?

    Also who is she to give anyone advise on relationships?? She was married three times! And I thought it was really classless to say that Briana’s bio dad was a drug addict/alcoholic on national tv like that. Vicki does not care about anyone but herself and Brooks is a creepy weirdo. I think Briana is dead on about him! Also hated how Vicki keeps tryng to talk shit about Briana’s hubby. He seems like a stand up guy who has served our country who genuinley cares for Briana. I wish them the best.

    Ok Alexis’ party for the twins was ridiculous. I did not like that she had puppies for the kids to play with. They are not toys!! It was so wrong. Four year olds should not be allowed to “play” with puppies in that sort of setting. I hope they were well supervised for the puppie sake!

    Can’t wait to see how the twins are in ten years lol These women are crraazyy. Props to Heather for giving Gretchen very sound, mature advise. I am really starting to like her and her monogrammed floors.

    Sorry this was all over the place lol and had probably lots of typos…
    T

  18. 18
    NotWithoutMyTV notwithoutmytv
    Posted May 18, 2012 at 10:36 am

    Heather IS weird looking. I think her eyes have been yanked up and her cheekbones restructured or something. And there’s too many teeth in that barracuda mouth of hers. 98% real my ass.

    Anybody ever play the arcade game Moon Patrol in the 80s? Vicki’s face always makes me think of driving my little moon buggy across the moon’s surface.

  19. 19
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted May 18, 2012 at 10:41 am

    The files are IN the computer Alexsis!

  20. 20
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted May 18, 2012 at 11:05 am

    Ok my quick & durty:

    How many years in a row has Tamra been 40 for? (I asked Flipit he thinks she’s really 60) and why is she developing a lisp?

    Slade, you buy the setting and take it home then go to the Super-Wal to get your fake CZ or just buy one on HSN incognito ya dumbass.

    Heather, you won back some points, GFY

    Alexis-WTF are you stressed out about? You truly are the world’s biggest nit wit.

    Brianna for housewife! I am starting the movement #righthere #rightnow.

    Icky- Brianna kicked your ass up one side of the apartment and down the other. #takethat!

  21. 21
    randomnicole
    Posted May 18, 2012 at 11:13 am

    Tamra is 45 and I have the yearbooks to prove it lol.

    Didn’t watch the Vickie/Brianna part closely because I’m kind of over both of them. And by kinda, I mean very.

  22. 22
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted May 18, 2012 at 11:17 am

    Hi Gypsy, I’ll join the movement.

    Oldie, those weird facial features come from bad cases of scalpelitis, a tragic disease that comes from getting by on looks with nothing else to offer and then by trying to defy time. (see side effects of kiddie beauty pageants).

  23. 23
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted May 18, 2012 at 12:10 pm

    @ randomnicole I heart you so hard right now! The previews for next week show TAM-RA telling us and Eddie she’s 40 (again) LOLOLOLOLOL!

    @ SSC, I knew I could count on you, now we need to take it to the people! Scalpelitis, not unlike Bitchassness is a disease in our community!

  24. 24
    cloudsinmycoffee
    Posted May 18, 2012 at 12:13 pm

    I’m soooooooo glad Briana actually shut her mother down. After many, many seasons of OC and Briana’s/Vicki’s relationship, that girl has had to fight her mother every step to do things SHE wanted to do, which is irrational unless what she wants to do is murder people or fight crime in a costume.
    Seriously though, Vicki losing her shit on camera was priceless, and her screaming at her daughter while her daughter remained calm was one for the ages. Good for her! Vicki’s resentment of her daughter getting married is being taken further than it should, I get that as a mother you want the best for your daughter, but seriously? Her lamenting that *she* won’t get to throw a party and *she* won’t be allowed this memory for *herself* made me ill. And honestly, Donn bashing makes her look petty and childish. Donn has loved and raised those kids as his own, and the fact that he still has a relationship with them is amazing. Most would have cut out already. And I thought it hilarious when Vicki’s brother mentioned how Donn should be dating Vicki’s eyes almost rolled into the back of her skull for how fast she asked if he knew something. Does it really matter, oh ye with a full love tank? I feel like she’s flaunting Brooks a little bit too hard, as if she has something to prove. She seems to want to show Donn that she can manage and look at how amazingly happy Vicki is without him. Girl please. If you really didn’t care about your ex most of what comes out of your mouth that is nasty about him wouldn’t be said.
    Does anyone else chuckle a little bit that Vicki is dating Slade in about 15 years?

    Speaking of, Slade is a fucking moron for going to a high end jeweler (gates at the door people!) and expecting that he can put a rock on layaway. Dude. For reals? And imagine the laugh that Terry and Heather shared that night when she regaled him with the pathetic tale of a man who’s broke as shit and doesn’t mind leeching off his girl. He just needs Gretchen in his life so he can live off her and not pay whatever debt he has. Easier that way.

    Eddie going ashen when Tamra showed him her ring finger almost made me howl. His constant repeating of “wow, oh wow” laid me out! Yes, you dummy, you put your foot in it and now you may have to marry her. How many here think that it’s going to last but a New York minute? I mean we know that they’re engaged and possibly filming their own wedding show spin off? If I heard right, that is.

    Alexis is a dimwit and needs no further commentary.

  25. 25
    labowner
    Posted May 18, 2012 at 12:23 pm

    Heather made herself out to be one of the Robert Plant “Addictive to Love” video girls. Thus why she dressed as one at the Bunco party. How dumb does Heather think we are that she claims she has had no work done? Sorry botox and fillers count as “work”.

    I would hope Alexis gave a fair warning and besides these parents knew cameras would be filming and still showed, doubt they have issues about puppies.

    Tamra, trash as usual.

    Gretchen if you are so worried about his debt, get a great attorney and have it all spelled out in an iron-clad pre-nup. Not that difficult. I believe she is using that as an excuse until she meets someone better. Slade is the right man – now.

    Did you see the Donn coming out in Brianna? I hate this word, but it really was an epic discussion between them. Nothing like nailing know it all. Maybe we can hope and pray Lauren will do that with Caroline…….

    Imagine the ammo Gia and sisters are going to have when they fight with mom.

  26. 26
    NotWithoutMyTV notwithoutmytv
    Posted May 18, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    I would be any amount of money says Slade went to the producers with the “I go to a high-end jewelry shop to look at rings… GET IT?? I’m a dead-beat dad! And Gretchen doesn’t even want to get married!! FUNNY, right?? When do we start storyboarding that shit????”

    I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone outside of porn so gleefully ready to debase themselves for attention (and to continue avoiding a straight job.)

  27. 27
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted May 18, 2012 at 12:39 pm

    Ohhh @ labowner I love your Gretchy theory!

  28. 28
    tvsnarkeling
    Posted May 18, 2012 at 1:02 pm

    Entertaining a friend in your Bathroom!! Didn’t anyone think that was odd or is that a trend that just has not hit Amish country yet. A house that size and the only place Tamara is allowed to sit is in the bathroom. I would have been offended, I guess Tamara is used to it. Terry should have hid in his, no Heathers’s, toilet room and flush the toilet as he comes out. That would be priceless and we know he would have done it too.

  29. 29
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted May 18, 2012 at 1:12 pm

    All of my best parties have been thrown in my bathroom ;-)

  30. 30
    Toad
    Posted May 18, 2012 at 1:16 pm

    @tvsnarkeling I def thought it was weird…i was waiting for them move rooms then they didn’t haha

    @labowner your right you think they would just get a prenup! I think the real reason that she isn’t ready to marry him is that he doesnt have a job….lol. I just dont know why he went ring shopping when her dad shut him down lol

  31. 31
    labowner
    Posted May 18, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    Toad twice the dad has said no. Slade is the best compartmentalizer I have never met.

    Gypsy unless Gretchen is thinking she is going to be worth millions, why not just get an iron clad pre-nup? It’s not like there are not high powered attorneys who would ensure Gretchen would be covered 10 ways from center. Shit that would make a great episode.

  32. 32
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted May 18, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    Um, Gypsy, up in the north woods, many homes have saunas. Ours is on the lower level (our house is upside down, with the upper level the main living area) behind the bathroom. So we have had lots of parties in the sauna. And, yes, we run outside in the snow to cool off afterward. Often in July.

    Fun fact: it’s pronounced to rhyme with ow nah. Not saw nah.

  33. 33
    Robin Robinez
    Posted May 18, 2012 at 7:31 pm

    Honey Gangsta,

    You have the wisdom of an 89 yr old! lol

    I say this because I watch OC with my MIL every Tues afternoon after I take her shopping and twice in this recap you have managed to, almost word for word, written the same things she SAID while watching :-)

    Slade disgusts me. He allows himself to be put in positions that make him look like a scumbag and he doesn’t seem to care. As long as he is getting the air time and a paycheck it seems he is ok with folks judging his character. I want to say that he has no self respect, but I am not so sure if he just might be delusional enough to think that as long as he is on TV he is big time. He sure has been laying the foundation to keep himself on RHOC. Jo, Lori, Gretchen…

    I keep thinking about his Son and how he must feel about his dad lowering himself on TV. Slades antics also keep the story of how he is a deadbeat dad in the forefront. If he took a year off from OC, he would be forgotten and then fortunately his kid may be able to transition into a private life.

    It would be a reality show dream if Gretchen broke up with him and he took up with Tamra! Stranger things have happened. He has already hooked up with 3 of them and Tamra is in a relationship with a gay man who needs 15 glasses of wine to have sex with her and is contemplating introducing a flesh eating bacteria on her ring finger.

    Thanks For the recap HG!

    TC, Robin

  34. 34
    Numbnoodles
    Posted May 18, 2012 at 8:19 pm

    I feel sorry for the future sociopaths being raised by these people! God Bless America!!!!!

  35. 35
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted May 18, 2012 at 9:52 pm

    @tvsnarkeling Maybe Heather kept Tamra in the bathroom in case she still had that diarrhea problem.

    Hi Tamra! I picked up a few words of Boy in high school. So let me translate this for you.

    Boy: That tattoo the doctor couldn’t even burn off your finger is the reason I didn’t put a ring on it yet.

    Translation: I don’t like you like that. We can still hook up though.

  36. 36
    Monica
    Posted May 19, 2012 at 6:42 am

    The whole thing with the puppies made me beyond irate. You adopt an animal because you truly want one, are truly committed to caring for one, etc…. NOT because you saw a cute one at a birthday party and felt like adopting it at that moment. That’s how most animals end up neglected… I feel compelled to facebook Andy so he can discuss this at the reunion. OK stepping off my soapbox… sorry, things like this with animals make me really angry…

    On another note… didn’t Alexis also bring those little girls to get pedicures when they were like 14 months old? And couldn’t understand why they weren’t interested in it?

  37. 37
    notwithoutmytv
    Posted May 19, 2012 at 7:06 am

    Because Andy bringing it up at the reunion will totally settle the matter.

  38. 38
    BelowSeaLevel BelowSeaLevel
    Posted May 19, 2012 at 11:35 am

    I never thought of telling a guest that we’ll just take our drinks into the bathroom and hang out for a while. I like it.

    When Slade can come up with enough money to buy a CZ, he should totally ask Heather to host their wedding in the bathroom and bring in some rescue llamas that guests could adopt. It could be the douche bag llama wedding

  39. 39
    hlesczyn
    Posted May 19, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    The exchange with Slade, the jewler and Heather (of all people) was hilarious. Some of this stuff is staged and I get that – but the look on that jewler’s face when Slade asked if he could put in a synthetic stone and “work towards” replacing it was priceless and in no way acted unless the jewler is one of those extras who in ten years will be mentioned his cameo on RHOOC during is Oscar speech. Oh and, Heather clearing her throat and suggesting maybe a band would be best. Heather has got to sit around with her helicoptor friends and laugh her balls off at this whole bunch. BTW… Brianna looked scared to death but props to her for FINALLY standing her ground.

  40. 40
    Brianna Quinn
    Posted May 19, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    My 2 cents regarding Slades debts if he marries Gretchen. My brother’s ex sued him for more child support when he married a woman that had money….guess what….the (California) judge awarded the ex more child support based on the now combined (larger) income. No pre-nup could prevent this from happening in Gretchen’s case. I hope she thinks long and hard before marrying this buffon.

  41. 41
    Brianna Quinn
    Posted May 19, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    My 2 cents regarding Slades debts if he marries Gretchen. My brother’s ex sued him for more child support when he married a woman that had money….guess what….the (California) judge awarded the ex more child support based on the now combined (larger) income. No pre-nup could prevent this from happening in Gretchen’s case.

  42. 42
    maryedith
    Posted May 19, 2012 at 1:24 pm

    I would say Gretchen has been done with Slade since the Tubbawubba days if I didn’t think she’s not a good enough actress to look so upset about not marrying him. But I guess I have to say that she IS a good enough actress because there is zero chemistry between the two of them, even less than between Tamra and Eddie, and she is totally using the deadbeat dad debt as a way to get out of marrying him. Slade must be a pretty good emotional blackmailer in real life to have kept her with him this long.

    Was anyone else kind of disturbed to hear Brianna saying that Vicki had “changed” since she started dating Brookes and that she wasn’t putting her kids first anymore? I wish Brianna could get with a good therapist and establish some real boundaries with Vicki. Vicki has never really put anyone first except Vicki — Brianna and Mike have always just been extensions of Vicki’s self-image. Brianna can call Vicki out all she wants on her hypocrisy over the Brooks situation, and it’s awesome to watch it, but only distance from Vicki will help Brianna in the long run.

  43. 43
    NotWithoutMyTV notwithoutmytv
    Posted May 19, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    Briana must have some kind of codependency thing going on, because any daughter who didn’t like/need the intrusiveness and emotional abuse on some level would have just cut Vickie out of their life at about age 16, don’t you think?

    For once I believed the Vickie-Briana scene, while a total set up, was pretty real as far as emotions go. Briana’s got serious issues with Truffle Hunter, and refusing to accept Brooks is the way those issues ooze out; and Truffle Hunter was really swinging below the belt attacking Briana’s marriage as the only means of defense she could think of. Talk about frenemies. Maybe it should be famenemies in this case.

    And I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: these 5 yr-old girls that get multi-thousand dollar princess birthday parties grow up to the be lunatic brides on Say Yes to the Dress. Emphasis on the “lunatic.”

  44. 44
    maryedith
    Posted May 19, 2012 at 3:48 pm

    I don’t think I’ve ever seen NWMTV give anything the Seal of Reality before.

  45. 45
    maryedith
    Posted May 19, 2012 at 3:53 pm

    I’ve been on the Gay Eddie bandwagon so long that it pains me to say this, but I no longer think he’s gay. I think he’s just a total narcissist. And I’ve hated Tamra so long that I was surprised to find myself feeling compassion for her when she was worrying about Eddie getting annoyed by her kids and “their backpacks in the hallway.” So true. And he WILL get annoyed by them. But the thing is, you stop RIGHT HERE, Tamra. You don’t marry the guy. You don’t turn your kids into guinea pigs. But she will.

  46. 46
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted May 19, 2012 at 6:04 pm

    NWMTV, you really have a grounded look at life, cynical though it may be. But this time I beg to differ.

    Daughters who grow up with Vickies for mothers don’t often realize how manipulative, intrusive, and mentally/emotionally abusive the mother is because it is all they know. Normal is what you grow up with until you realize there is something else.

    I think Briana is just wonderful! She stood up to Mommy Dearest rather early and, staged or not, did a terrific job with the confrontation.

    I am soooooo Team Briana. Keep it up, gurl! Don’t give in.

  47. 47
    Davis
    Posted May 19, 2012 at 7:01 pm

    I, too, was appalled at Alexis shoving rescue puppies on small children and their families! I would be so pissed if I was a mother at the party. Especially after she decided to tell a highly inappropriate birth story.

    Gooooo Brianna!

  48. 48
    maryedith
    Posted May 19, 2012 at 8:27 pm

    I’m team Brianna and I imagine NWMTV is too, but I agree that she is codependent. It’s not her fault, but I hate seeing it.

  49. 49
    Robin Robinez
    Posted May 19, 2012 at 10:41 pm

    “but I agree that she is codependent.”

    I could be wrong (been there before and always get a cold drink), but I think that Brianna is finally coming into her own and has decided in the immortal words of Dee Snyder that she’s not gonna take it anymore. She is also getting older and is married, so this gives her a whole different view of her mother and isn’t so quick anymore to fall for Victim’s stories, exaggerations and loony bin talk. She is also catching on that her mother is really pretty darn selfish.

    I think she has a healthy respect for Don. Again, she is older now, married, and has already been through a terrible health scare. I can imagine that she is becoming increasingly aware of the sacrifice’s that Don truly made and the financial burden that he took on when he took on Victim and 2 kids. And we all know that Don made $. If he didn’t ,Victim wouldn’t have let him near her tank.

    I shudder to think what kind of kid Victim would have turned out if Brianna didn’t have Don as the soft place to fall when she needed it, growing up.

    TC, Robin

  50. 50
    maryedith
    Posted May 19, 2012 at 10:55 pm

    I just think the whole running off to Vegas was meant as more of a slap in the face to Vicki than an independent action, especially if Brianna really is asking for a big white wedding now (Vicki could be lying about that, but I didn’t get that vibe for once). I think Brianna has indeed been through some scary things and she seems to be lashing out against Vicki for not acting enough like a mother, not giving her any security. And however egregious a parent’s actions in a divorce are, unless abuse is involved it’s never a sign of maturity to side with one parent against the other. I’m not saying Brianna is siding with Don, just that I wouldn’t think it was mature or independent of her if she was. The guy is asking for spousal support — what’s up with that?

  51. 51
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted May 20, 2012 at 12:19 am

    I read somewhere that Donn has cancer. Has anyone else heard that, too? I’ll look up the link when I’m on my laptop..

  52. 52
    Robin Robinez
    Posted May 20, 2012 at 1:17 am

    I am not so sure if running off to get married was a slap in V face as much as it was Finally something that Brianna did on her own without V micromanaging and making it all about herself.. Heck, when the poor gal came out of surgery..ech..nevermind. Victim really bothered me during that episode.

    I think that Brianna is giving her mother the wedding. If V said “nevermind, I have to pay Bootsies child support”, Brianna would probably breathe a sigh of relief and welcome the non wedding.

    V calls it spousal support, some call it equity payments from the house. Regardless, it is a shitty thing to disparage a man who has helped you and has given your children someone to lean on and learn from besides your crazy ass. It is especially vile that she is saying it on tv to the daughter he took care of and calls his own. Saying that crap hurts Brianna worse than it does Don. Victim is just too self absorbed to know it.

    TC, Robin

  53. 53
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted May 20, 2012 at 2:07 am

    From the mouth of babes (Vicki’s son) : http://www.realitytea.com/2012/02/01/vicki-gunvalson-donn-gunvalson-cancer/

    Michael says: “Since they are divorcing, we don’t see Donn as much as we used to. But we still care about him and are pulling for him.”

    Maybe that’s why he’s asking for spousal support? Kinda hard to pull a 9-5 while saddled with cancer. I also wonder if Vicki will mention it on the show..

  54. 54
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted May 20, 2012 at 5:00 am

    “She is also getting older and is married, so this gives her a whole different view of her mother and isn’t so quick anymore to fall for Victim’s stories, exaggerations and loony bin talk”

    I didn’t realize before how much maturity and a change in perspective can break a child’s codependency on an abusive (physical, verbal, emotional) parent so suddenly. I’m so glad Brianna stood up to Icky and will continue to break free.

    It is also so vital for kids with one abusive parent to have a good, loving parent for balance. Without Don, Brianna’s life would have been so much worse. Yes Icky’s comments definately hurt Brianna more than Don.

    Had that drink there too.

  55. 55
    LAC LAC
    Posted May 21, 2012 at 9:04 am

    Funny, funny recap!! Thank you!

    All hail Brianna – I am so glad to see her stand up to the odious truffle hunter. She read her like a book in library. Again, Vicki, Brianna is not on a menu. You don’t get to order her. If you were not such a fucking hypocrite, you wouldn’t have your daughter give you the dress down you so richly deserved.

    Alexis – a plate of stupid with a side of twit. My god, what fresh hell was that party? First of all, is there anything this idiot can do on her own? Jaysus, I have planned birthdays, surprise parties, new year’s eve parties and did not need the level of butt wipers that this broad brings out. I am looking forward to an episode when she is at a restaurant and needs to have someone lift her fork for her. A hooker princess party with puppies, near death stories, chin implants, and mortification? Thousands of dollars. Knowing you live next to jesus barbie and the Chin…priceless.

    Tamra, explosive bowels and tears – for jebus sake’s…the kids are a part of the package. He doesn’t like it, then tell him to bounce.

    Gretchen – do not marry Slade…I repeat…do not marry Slade. Being Mrs. Slimey is not a good look on you.

    Oh, Heather – you are growing on me with your attempt to help Slade with the ring.

  56. 56
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted May 21, 2012 at 9:35 am

    YOU GUYS DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW HARD IT IS TO BE VICKI RIGHT NOW!

    I can’t justify the energy it would take to type about Alexis.

    Did anyone else think that it might be weird to drink champange in someone else’s bathroom? Bleech. Although, Heather did remind me I needed to pick up another can of Ellenet.

    Brianna rules, Vicki drools.

    Moving past the Slade issue, can someone, anyone, tell me wtf if going on with Gretchen’s mouth? I feel like she got fitted for the wrong pair of dentures or something.

  57. 57
    Too-Old-To-Care
    Posted May 22, 2012 at 8:13 am

    How is Slade’s ex NOT having child support garnished directly from his RHOC paycheck? Isn’t that what the lawyers (and state) do when a deadbeat has a provable income?

    In fact, what DOES Slade do with his paycheck? We never see him offering to help with expenses or actually buying anything for himself or Gretchen. He must be squirreling it away in case there’s a break between this and his next gigolo/lothario position.

    I predict Tamra and Eddie will have a huge, over-the-top wedding provided entirely by Bravo. It will be worth watching just to see Victim (love that name) poop her bloomers with envy.

  58. 58
    maryedith
    Posted May 22, 2012 at 8:56 pm

    I thought Donn was asking for support over and above the houses Vicki was letting him have. If it’s just the houses then she really shouldn’t be complaining about it. That’s just dividing assets gained during the marriage, isn’t it?

  59. 59
    maryedith
    Posted May 22, 2012 at 8:59 pm

    Vicki really did make it seem, in that conversation with Brookes, that she did NOT want to give Brianna a “traditional white wedding.” Brookes said, “That ship has sailed,” and Vicki nodded.

  60. 60
    annie Annie
    Posted May 22, 2012 at 9:36 pm

    Alexis’ birthday party (yes, Alexis’ because it was all about her, not her kids) was beyond infurating. Telling the girls they needed more and more makeup to be pretty was disgusting, then getting the Pound Puppies involved was terrible. WTF was she thinking…..and I thought Kennedy’s parties were bad!

    Brianna’s verbal smackdown of Vicki was great. She deserves to be told “I KNOW YOU AND BROOKS HAD A THING GOING ON WAY BEFORE THE DIVORCE!!” because Vicki is so full of shit, she needs to be called out on it. In capitol letters.

    I liked how Heather’s “his and hers toilets” would add soooo much to the re-sale value. Yeah, Im sure the personalized initials of ” T H” engraved in the tile to the entrance of the shitter adds tons of resale value too. Just gonna have to sell the house to someone named Tanya and Henry I guess. And yes, there’s something about her face that is terrifying. The super high cheekbones, wide eyes, and mouth just remind me of a psycho marrionette doll or something.

    I dont think Gretch wants to marry Slade at all, and his child support issues are just a convenient excuse. It seems like they get along ok, but I dont think she’s interested AT ALL. Maybe she thinks he’ll skip out on his financial responsibilities should they get divorced someday.

    Finally……Tamz and Eddie’s date at the train yards was so romantic. I was looking for homeless train hoppers the entire time.

  61. 61
    selfabsorbed
    Posted May 27, 2012 at 9:46 pm

    Hi Everyone, I have been lurking around TvGasm for a while now and just got the courage to comment for the first time. I caught this episode on a repeat and while there are a lot of bizarre things that happened at the puppy princess extravaganza and I was uncomfortable with puppies as party favors, I think Alexis deserves props for one tiny detail. If you notice when she is looking at all the stuff that is being set up for the party, they show the tables set up for the kids and it looks like they are standard plastic card tables covered with cheap plastic table cloths and adorned with pink plastic plates, which in my point of view is AMAZINGLY APPROPRIATE for a child’s fourth birthday. Maybe I am still a little traumatized by Kennedy’s birthday party from season 1 of RHOBH, now that I think about it season 2′s party was traumatic for me as well, but as ridiculous the puppyprincessbirthingstorycarriageride was it still wasn’t as bad as Fail’s “high tea” service for toddlers in my opinion

  62. 62
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted May 28, 2012 at 4:44 am

    Hi selfabs, doing a little catch-up are we? You are a glass-full kind of person to find anything good about the ppp, but good for you. Cheap plastic and pink is def for 4 year-olds.

    And, oh yeah! Certainly better than high tea!

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