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*If a pretend news anchor calls you out on being a fake actress, keep calling it “maligning your career” so that the pretend news anchor can’t understand what you’re saying and therefore can’t respond.
*If you try to run offstage because a dive bombing sparrow scared the crap out of you, hurry and redeem yourself by making a twitter joke about giving new meaning to the word “tweet.”
*Speak clearly and concisely and make good points using legitimate examples. It won’t get you anywhere with your castmates, but you’ll come off looking less insane.
*Save the day-glo colors for a muted print in a cute black dress. This way you won’t look like a blinding block of tacky color.
*Always remind people that your husband is a doctor. You’ll feel knowledgeable AND superior.
*When it’s your first reunion as brand new BFFs, trade hairpieces and wear the same color so that people can’t tell you apart and it really sinks in that you are one soul. (Sound familiar?)
*Always stand by your man. Especially if he is a lazy, mooching, deluded deadbeat dad. It’s helpful when someone else gets a boyfriend just like him!
*Pronounce “ing” as “een.” Like, “That was amazeen!” It will remind everyone that you were in pageants and know how to talk without messing up your lipstick.
*If you get lip injections, but want to make sure you don’t have to answer questions about it on camera, only admit it at the reunion… which is on camera. And stop thinking your extensions are fooling anyone.
And most importantly, from ALL of the Real Housewives of Orange County:
***Just remember that as long as there is noise coming out of your mouth, you are winning!
What brilliant instruction did you personally receive from the first half of the reunion? Share it in the comments!
Check out Flipit’s Video ReDub of the Reunion
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