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Friday, June 8, 2012
1:30 am
31 Comments
Last week on RHOC, we took the long way around to Costa Rica and sat in on the beginnings of a “phoniness intervention” staged by Tamra and Heather for Alexis. It wasn’t going well.
We come back to Tamra screaming at Alexis that they like her for HER! Not for her ring! Aw, that’s so sweet it makes Alexis cry.
“What about my nose? Do you like me for that at least?”
She tells Tamra she’s the most mean hateful person in the world and to us says it’s a joke that just because Tamra got her fake boobs taken out she now thinks she’s real. Mommy Heather calls the intervention to order and gives a speech about having friends from all walks of life and all she cares about is authenticity. I’m picturing Heather inviting all her poor friends from Irvine to a pool party on Billionaire’s Row because they keep it real. Then she does bag checks before letting them onto the bus back to Poorville. Gretchen jumps in to suggest that the next time Alexis pisses anyone off with her phoniness, they call her on it then and there. Will that go for everyone? If so, we’ll never hear a complete sentence on this show again. But that settles that! Heather and Tamra stand up and come around the table to give Alexis a big hug. Now that she’s in tears they are full of love. All they ask is that she shuts up and takes it – is that so wrong? Alexis won’t hug them, says she wants to be alone and leaves. So ungrateful.
Heather: “What’s the problem? We’re done.”
Gretchen now cries because she hates being put in a position where she has to tell her friend what a horrible monster she is. She’d rather sit quietly watching while other people tell her. Heather instructs Gretchen to go to Alexis and comfort her, but Alexis refuses to let Gretchen into her room because she’s not done with alone time yet. Gretchen begs Alexis to have mercy on her because this is really hard for her, but Alexis doesn’t care. Back at the table Heather comforts Gretchen by assuring her that attacking Alexis was all for Alexis’s own good and that Gretchen is only being a true friend. If you can’t mold people into the ideal you have in mind for them, what is the point of even having friends?
“Slade takes my money for my own good, too.”
Vicki announces that she REALLY likes Alexis so she’ll go talk to her. Alexis still hasn’t finished alone time, but Vicki shoves her way into the room anyway and tells Alexis she understands because of that time last year in San Francisco where everyone ganged up on her. Remember that? It was awful for Vicki. Awful. And Alexis was the ringleader, remember Alexis? Vicki is sad because she doesn’t have a perfect body or perfect skin and she just tries to be a good person, and still everyone screamed at her that one day a long time ago. And now Alexis owes Vicki big time for coming to comfort her like this.
“Alexis, look at me. My daughter ELOPED. THAT’S something to cry about.”
The next morning Alexis packs her things since she’s going home early to be a stay-home mom, and after sitting up all night thinking about it, she still can’t come up with any reason as to why the women would think she’s phony. Not one. Actually, she only spent about 20 seconds thinking about that, then the rest of the night she thought about bubbles and sparkles. Either way, she’s perplexed. Heather drops by to reiterate that she’s still getting to know Alexis and she hopes that the non-phony part of her personality is the real one, and everyone has stuff to work on. Or something. Alexis doesn’t get it, but says she appreciates it.
“I definitely consider you one of my bottom-tier friends. I’m very accepting.”
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31 Comments
Gosh all that over the rafting trip, something similar happened to me… my mom actually fell out of the raft and almost got stuck between the boat an the rock wall of the canyon! And then the annoying people I was with proceeded to cry and opine about how it was sooo traumatic FOR THEM. All after they called me such a baby for not wanting to go. Vicki is just toooooooooo much, is she competing with Ramona for craziness now that RHONY is back on the air?
The insurance saleman realized that one of them maybe death someday??? WTF
Back to reading.
I just watched this episode yesterday and was distracted during the monkey/beach scene searching for Tamra’s belly button. I finally found it on another site and the darn thing is a good four inches lower than it used to be, indicating a tummy tuck as well as breast reduction. So why badger Alexis about her nose job (or sinus surgery as Lex likes to put it) when she herself wasn’t so honest?
Every time Heather says “champs” instead of “champagne”, I want to pop a cork in her eyeball.
Vicki should get a role on the Walking Dead.
Not as one of the humans, though. Make up technology hasn’t progressed that far yet.
I’m sorry Rosemary’s baby I not only say champs but I say champers too…
I think Alexis really is just dense. Why even worry about her. If she wants to talk about her wealth or jesus or her job as a news anchor or her status as a mom with no nannies, who cares. It shouldn’t bother anyone. I’m just going to render a guess that no parent, teacher, administrator or employer has ever labeled Tammy Sue as “the smart one”; however, she comes across as a rocket scientist compared to Alexis. Alexis does live in a world like on of those tweens who are featured on MTV’s cribs. They are fifteen, have millions of dollars, live in big houses and take viewers on a tour of thier garage filled with phantoms. No one sits down and has a discussion on depreciation of assets and savings plans. So Vicki and Heather don’t belong on cribs – big deal. Let Alexis live in fantasy camp with the disney stars – who is she hurting? Be happy you are not her and move on.
Well, they’re all pretty phony. Why did they decide that Alexis needed an intervention? Is she the phoniest of them all? I wonder how long she prepared for her big dramatic scene with pasty face Vickie.
Ugh…I was really, REALLY hoping for the raft to capsize, and for those bitches to end up in piranhia infested river.Did you catch the moment when one of them said that she couldn’t get her shoes wet!? Why would you go white water rafting in SHOES THAT CAN’T GET WET?!
Also, just imagine what would happen to designer sunglasses, expensive jewelry, etc.? What, Alexis wasn’t there anymore!
I know what happen to my shorts, flip flops, hat, and supply of beer when my little kayak capsized, ha, ha. I had people fishing this stuff out for me down the river. Inculding my shorts, LOL!!!
Anyways, I was really hoping for some REAL drama. Because this river did look scary, especially that not even one of those dummies was helping to row and steer. They got down the river safely only thanks to their guide….
If I was the guide, I would have capsized them. Seriously. Who would know? And if a few of them don’t make it to the surface, just light a few candles to the Virgin Mary and watch those Class IV’s a little closer next time!
Please tell me you found the beer aliens.rock?
@ 6 Classy– me too— I picked up “champers” while watching an awesome show on BBC America “How Clean is Your House”– like Horders but with accents.
Honey G– thanks for watchin’ and recappin’– these broads are making me batty. I am curious what ilk of Christian Lex is??? Profligate and conspicuous spending, immodest dress, consuming alcohol. Hell Iwent to Catholic school all my life– this is a religion I sink my teeth into– SIGN ME UP!!
Poor Vickster– I have had a love/less love relationship with her from the beginning. I applaud a self-made woman but her success comes I think at the expense of personal relationships. I liked Don alot but apparently off-screen he was awful: cutting and mean.
I think Vicki’s dealing with anxiety in a big way now so I cannot pick on her (much).
@hot cawfee – OMG I LOVE “HOW CLEAN IS YOUR HOUSE”! Makes me not feel so bad about my lack of dusting.
Vicki needs some cheek implants. She got no cheekbones.
That’s my totally fluffy opinion of the day.
Hot Cawfee- I loved watching How Clean is Your House! That was my Saturday afternoon show while cleaning my own house lol. It did make me feel better about myself as a housekeeper. I do, however, have to agree with Rosemary- I hate when Heather says Champs.
cherrylipgloss – THANK YOU! I too was trying to find Tamra’s belly button! I couldn’t figure out what was going on there! Bizarre. So that’s what happens with a tummy tuck? Really? I bet Terry could have put Tamra’s belly button back where it belongs. Gross.
hot cawfee – Thanks for the shout out! Reading you guys cracks me up and lights up my life.
-HG
Ooohwee when Vicki lost her shit and had Gretchen (!!!) there to remind her of ALL the complaints she made about Donn during her time with him I almost fell out of my chair. What the hell is wrong with her?? I know she lost her mind, but where exactly.
And I think Brooks is an amalgam of Slade/Jim/Simon combined, which makes for a horrid human being. So Vicki’s idea of a good man for her is one who tells her (in not such a direct way) how to dress and look? Ew. Seriously, my husband would have freaked if while we were dating I offered to pay for his teeth (or lack thereof) to be fixed. How do you even bring that up?? “Hey baby, you’re such a sexy beast that I want your teeth to match that body?” Oh dear goodness. and You KNOW she’s paying for it! C’mon!
On a side gossip note, I heard that Brianna is pregnant and that she separated from her Marine (or whatever branch he’s in)! If that’s true, I can’t even begin to imagine the smug ass look that is permanently affixed to Vicki’s face.
Clouds can’t find that info anywhere at the moment about Briana separating from her hubby. Yes they are pregnant and expecting a boy.
Miss Vicki, if you need Donn to pay the mortgage, why are you spending so much money on Brooks? So either she lied to Donn to keep track of him or she is a complete idiot. Would like to think she is neither, but things don’t add up.
Honey – “They finished re-hanging the door before breakfast, so no biggy.” Laughed out loud. Thanks for another great recap.
Crook’s looks like he has a big mouth full of chlamydia. I wonder if Vickie is using Donn’s medical benefits for Crook’s teef?
@labowner – I’m glad that the separating part was BS. I truly like Briana and want her marriage to succeed despite her mother’s dramatics. She’s always been so grounded and smart, and it’s nice to see that after all these years she hasn’t changed, only matured.
Anyone who says “champs” or “champers” should be made to listen to a loop of of the RHOC intro quotes for 48 hours straight. And then shot.
Notwithoutmytv – I dare say that is a little harsh. I think a little compassion is in order. Let’s just shoot them?
I’d shoot myself first…CHAMPERS!!!!
I have a horrible feeling I am starting to like Heather. Her freaky Whoville face almost looks pretty sometimes, and the whole “champs” is bugging me less with time. I loved that she dressed appropriately for the trip instead of like a 19 year old stripper, and was game for the activities even though she was scared – but didn’t express it in an attention whoring freak out.
Tamra, stfu about being “small” already. Your foobs are gone. Fine. She mentioned it at dinner and to the raft guys.
Feeding the monkeys, calling the raccoon a sloth (Vicki I think), all the shrieking oh dear the shrieking – that trip was exhausting and painful to watch. Yay!
@Classy Drunk–You’re a classy drunk, so you can say it without retribution!
@ Featherhead–OMG “mouth full of chlamydia”. Best. Line. Ever. I’m still laughing!
I wish when Vicki started in craying about another divorce someone would have said.
“You were stupid to divorce Donn, I hope Brooks was worth it you stupid heffer.”
@clouds..even if they’re separated (which I REALLY hope isn’t true), I think, yes, Vicki’s 1st reaction may include some ‘I told you so’ smugness, but I don’t think she’d be happy. She really does love Bri and wants her happy & I think one of the reasons she’s so sad is because she’s scared for her if it doesn’t work. The rest of her sadness comes from her being bat-shit crazy and the fact that she’s lost control over Brianna.
@randomnicole…join the club! When I realized that I really liked Heather…a little part of me died. But seriously, I can’t help it…I do like her & I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m in love with Terry. There. I said it. I think it’s because she probably thinks that these women are out of their fucking minds & sometimes looks like she’s wondering what the hell she’s doing in their vicinity lol. IDK, I do think she’s genuine.
I agree that all of these bitches are materialistic. I think the difference is, while yes, they spend a lot of money on dumb shit, I don’t see them outwardly bragging about it the way Alexis does & that’s what she doesn’t understand. She likes to say they are the same way because they also have expensive things, but she’s really the only one who’s talking about it. Heather didn’t mention her bag & we probably would’ve never known about it if she didn’t bring it up. Well, I noticed that shit when she was in the room talking to Alexis because I thought it was awesome! But if that shit really was $1200 it was way over priced. You know, people with money really do waste it on some dumb shit! A damn terry cloth beach bag for $1200?? SERIOUSLY? That shit was cute though.
Besides Heather’s ‘billionaire row’ introductory bullshit that she was probably prompted to talk about, I really never hear her bragging about the money she has or spends. She has the air of pretension of course, but she’s not a braggart like Alexis & imo, that’s where they differ.
Take the bracelet that Tamara gave Gretchen for example. Those things can cost a pretty little penny & I was surprised when she pulled it out. (but to be fair it was probably just another piece of swag that she re-gifted) Tamara just said she gave it to her as a peace offering…how much you want to bet if it was Alexis, she would’ve made sure we knew it was a pricey little bracelet? Like when she said she spent ALOT on that party last year and gave them some ‘very nice gift bags’. Who says that shit? That is where the problem lies with Alexis. Not that she has (or in her case, pretends to have) money, it’s the fact that WE KNOW! LOL
I am coming over to Heather except for a couple of things. I do think she’s bossy. There’s something old-school about that, though, that I’m starting to kind of dig. She’s like an eighties mean girl rather than the modern passive-aggressive kind. And the other thing is, she’s too damn complacent about her wonderful life. Have some understanding for the little lies people like Alexis have to tell because they have trashy little lives and douchebag husbands that they can’t leave alone with their kids. Let the little moron leave early! Why Heather felt that she should be involved in that intervention I don’t understand. So I’m still on the fence with her.
Tamra’s boobs — as a certified B-cup I can tell you that Tamra is indeed a D-cup at least and she needs to shut up about how small she is.
And Gretchen is way slimier and more manipulative than I thought. Did you see how skillfully she got herself away from Alexis without looking at all like she was the one separating herself? She’s doing the same thing with Slade. What a little con artist she is! I hope she ends up doing something awful to Tamra.
I thought all the ladies were already dead inside anyway. Sad they don’t know it
Hi Classy Drunk.
Yeah I got my beer back, at least some of it. Probably some cans floated all the way to the Gulf of Mexico LOL.
Tamz almost puking her guts out after the very end of the raft ride was awesome. Geez, could those girls get any more annoying??! They had a hot, experienced guide. Shut the hell up!
Speaking of annoying, Gretchen totally left an almost full beer on the restaurant table…….oh no she didnt!!
How do you keep fromfalling out of those rafts?