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Last week in Orange County, Vicki followed the producers’ instructions to invite the girls on a trip to Costa Rica and Slade told Gretchen that she’s too much of a distraction for him to make any kind of financial headway. Also, I went on vacay, so THANK YOU Jane and Blanche, for being hilarious so I could be lazy in a different city!
This week we start by joining Tamra and Eddie having dinner with Heather and Terry. First item of business is that Tamra has to confess that she told Alexis that Terry called her phony. She said it to prove that she’s not the only one who thinks Alexis is a big fake. She adds that she threw in the fact that Terry’s a plastic surgeon, so if anyone knows fake, it’s him. Terry’s just glad Tamra is funny, but Heather is mortified.
She decides it will be okay, though, if she and Tamra band together and stage a “phoniness intervention” for Alexis while they’re all in Costa Rica. Oh this should be good. I can just see Alexis clasping her chest and thanking everyone for bringing this overlooked character flaw to her attention.
And right now Alexis is phonily packing for the trip, which of course requires an assistant. Alexis tells us that she can only go on the trip for two of the planned five days because she doesn’t have a full time nanny to watch her kids for that long. Nanny? She has a full time HUSBAND who “works” from home! Not to mention all the people who are paid to straighten her hair and paint her face. She can’t pay someone to watch TV with her kids for a couple of afternoons? It would probably be a nice break from coddling Alexis.
Alexis tells us she’s a bit worried because she just had this huge blow up with Tamra and she doesn’t like to be around people who don’t like her. Then in the next breath she says she doesn’t care if people don’t like her because she likes herself and she’ll have fun anyway. Whatever, Alexis. Finish piecing together your outfits for the jungle.
Heather also has someone over helping her put together a special outfit for every 15 minutes of the trip. Terry comes in with the baby and we learn that he will miraculously be holding the family together while Heather is gone for five whole days. Imagine!
Gretchen is having some trouble with her packing adventure. She doesn’t have an assistant, but she does have her manager Slade there to help her pick out outfits. She wants to know if there’s a book on what you wear to Costa Rica. Is this really that big of a mystery? I’m guessing it will be humid there and they’ll want comfortable clothes to wear for their outdoor activities. Done! Instead this is a project for the ages requiring all kinds of research and hired help. Slade is reading a list found on a Google search and advising quick-dry pants and worn out clothes. Gretchen melts down because she doesn’t have quick-dry pants or worn out clothes. She also doesn’t have anything light and made of cotton! Slade keeps reading off the list.
SHUT UP, Slade! You are stressing Gretchen out by continuing to mention items she doesn’t have! When Gretchen screams this at him, Slade snatches up his dollies and his dishes and storms home. Wait. Gretchen’s house IS his home, so he storms to the next room. Now Gretchen will have to see what packing is like without a manager.
The next scene we have is Alexis arriving at LAX at a dark 4:30 AM in a limo. She’s wearing a dress and is the first to arrive. The next person is Heather, which is super awkward because these two don’t really know or like each other so they both kind of look around going, “So… Tamra’s coming, right?” The girls will be flying first to Miami where Vicki is joining them from some pressing Florida insurance business, then on to Costa Rica. Gretchen arrives at the airport in a flaming yellow floor length gown with a cape. What? Who flies like this? Were sweatpants not mentioned in Slade’s infuriating list? Or were they, but that was another something Gretchen does not own? Good thing she brought her fedora, though.