RHOM Recap: Butt OFF!

Recaps

By Alejandra | Thursday, November 1, 2012 | 12:19 am | 18 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Real Housewives of Miami, Recaps

I sure as shit know how I feel about her friend, Beau, though.  I want to meet him.  So I can punch him.  That is all.  He and Karen’t are very close, it seems, and while he is a MASSIVE fan of himself, he is no great fan of Lea Black.  Apparently, Lea snubbed him at a club one night so he insults her, and would be nothing without her husband.  And you’d be nothing without “Big Brother,” Bitch, so stop snapping in everyone’s face.  Ugh, I hate this guy.

Back to the sisters, Joanna’s just staring hate daggers and drunkenly slurring bullshit about Marysol’s maybe-fur.  She just doesn’t understand how Marysol can feel classy wearing “voiceless, defenseless animals.”  Opinions on class from the drunken supermodel at the lingerie party.  Pay attention, Gasmii!  Joanna blathers on about how Marysol’s mother is some sort of “spiritual healer,” but she’s really just “the devil.”  Or you in 40 years, Joanna.  If you’re lucky.

Joanna resolves to confront Marysol at that moment, and Marta, who, heretofore has barely been able to stay conscious is blasted awake at the prospect of Joanna making an ass of herself AGAIN.  Marta, stop fighting it.  It’s way more entertaining that way.  Find Lea, I’m sure she’s got some popcorn she wants to share.

But Marta doesn’t listen to me, though she does manage to talk Joanna down from the ledge, begging her sister to see that THIS IS NOT THE TIME to confront Marysol about the maybe-fur.  Marta just made herself one of the smartest people at this party, a feat I did not think was possible given the amount of weed/qualuudes she’s apparently on. 

There’s an intercut of Lisa droning on about the importance of her party and that while she’s not happy that there’s already been an “incident,” she’s focused on raising money.  Thanks, Bravo.  I’d forgotten for a moment that this party was about breast cancer, and not the punch you’ve been promoting since before the season began.

Speaking of which, Adriana shows up!  Also her nipples, which remain blurred out for most of the episode.  She interviews that after trying on HUNDREDS of outfits, she settled on looking sexy, not slutty.  Her nipples did not get the memo.  She greets the kitchen crowd, Lisa, Elaine, Joe Francis, and interviews that she’s known Joe for years, loves him, and that he’s a really nice guy.  Know what else doesn’t buy you class, Gasmii?  Shitty taste in friends.

Adriana hooks up with Marysol, and they start gabbing in Spanglish about Karen’t and Joanna’s issues with the maybe-fur.  Adriana interviews that Joanna might be associated with PETA, but that doesn’t make her a dictator of what people wear. 

Thank goodness.

Over by the pool, Karen’t, Beau and Romain rejoin the sisters.  Solidifying his status as honorary Housewife, Romain gets his first interview of the season!  Congratulations, Romain!  Welcome to the Slippery Slope.  He says that he can’t defend Joanna against Joe Francis without “going to jail,” and he can’t be with Joanna if she gets crazy every time she drinks.  Romain, I feel ya, but come ON.  If some dude is embarrassing the shit out of your girlfriend, and you do exactly jack crap to defend her it’s not because of the alcohol that she’s crazy.  At the party, he pulls her into his lap and asks if she’s calmed down.  She pouts, “No,” and he voice overs that she’ll find any excuse to go nuts on someone. 

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About

Alejandra lives in Los Angeles and is an actor/writer/producer of opinions.  She loves the beach, but never goes, and hates reality stars, but follows them religiously.  In addition to TVGasm, you can read her writing at the online magazine DigN2It, or various fanfiction websites if you're industrious enough to find her.  If you're not industrious at all, a bottle of fine wine will always be an acceptable bribe.

18 Comments

  1. 1
    msjacqmills
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 8:06 am

    I can’t stand Adriana. Everything she does is for attention and to make “good tv”. She said as much at the reunion last year. She is just trying to keep this gig and will spew as much bull shit as she thinks she needs to to keep it…and then some more.

    I wanted to like Joanna, but she’s an idiot too. If I were Romain I’d leave her ass in a heartbeat. She may be gorgeous, but her drunken shenanigans are not worth it. Couple that with no nookie – what’s the point? And, it’s admirable to have a cause that you believe in and get behind, but to act a fool in it’s name is counterproductive. She acts more like she’s 15 than 30 or whatever she is.

  2. 2
    kdognatl
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 8:34 am

    Alejandra, HILARIOUS!!! Thank you for reminding of me of the close your eyes, open your eyes! CAN.NOT.STOP.LAUGHING!!!!

    I could not stand Adriana from the first season. She is just loathsome to me now. Was pretty indifferent about Jo, but now I can’t stand her. I’m probably alone in this thought, but I personally don’t think it’s her drinking. I think she is just a crazy psycho bitch. She is so ridiculous it is infuriating. Marta was trying to calm her down and the way she talked to her sister pissed me off. I can’t believe how she basically told Romain to fuck off when he tried to calm her down. My husband would have seriously embarrassed my ass if I ever spoke to him in public like that, or even acted like that. It was a pretty funny episode, but your recap topped it off. Thank you! :D

  3. 3
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 9:06 am

    @kdog, It’s been awhile. when I saw your name pop up I was wonder had you gotten married to the fiance :)

    Jo probably is a crazy bish, and alcohol takes it to a place where she can’t control it at all.

  4. 4
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 9:28 am

    I agree, add alcohol=instant asshole.

    Why was Adriana asking Joe Francis if he thought she was a pillar of the comunnity? You need HIS approval? I am bewildered as to why he is such a big ole with these hoes.

  5. 5
    mere2142
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 9:45 am

    @kdog – I don’t like Joanna either and it’s not so much the drinking. She seems to have the maturity of a 12 year old girl and she treats her sister like dirt. But I think I hate Karent more. She just stirs the pot then site back and watches pretending she was totally innocent in the whole thing.

    I was pretty sure I’d watched every single season of Big Brother and I don’t remember Beau at all. did I just block his terribleness from my memory? His ‘obvi’ was the single most infuriating thing ever uttered on a housewife show!

  6. 6
    Jason
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 10:18 am

    Ever notice how poorly attended these supposed HW “charity events” are?

    Lisa Muppet said there would be about 850 people, but I swear I counted maybe a dozen other than the Housebags.

    Still wanna rescue Romain from the clutches of his bimbette insane blond girlfriend and show him how much more fun it would be with a brunette. A male brunette.

  7. 7
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 10:19 am

    Beau was on the season with the Friendship alliance

  8. 8
    aliens.rock
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 11:35 am

    I wonder of Lisa’s phone got wet from someone bumping into her, OR maybe because she carried it down her underwear. Sorry for being disgusting :-)

  9. 9
    kdognatl
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 11:58 am

    Hey Classy! Yep a year ago this past May :)

  10. 10
    labowner
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 12:08 pm

    Wonder why the airing of female-on-female violence wasn’t talked about like Russell’s suicide? It’s not as bad, but it is no where near okay. Adriana’s life was not in danger, but I do understand alcohol, anger and a full moon create a situation ripe for trouble. Add a crazy, drunken, stubborn Pollack and we have a fight. Yes I am Polish.

    This ranks up there with the Christening. Only difference was that was family so it made it more disturbing, but when have we gotten so much real drama out of a housewife episode or two?

    Ana and Marysol were hilarious with their one liners.

    Anyone know why they had a limit on what could be donated? Why $115 if I heard correctly.

  11. 11
    eyediosmio eyediosmio
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    @labowner – It IS the CHRISTENING! Good call.

    I hate Joe Francis, and it disgusts me he is still walking about and not in jail. His time is coming, you all just watch. That guy is a creepy predator. Gross, gross gross!

  12. 12
    eyediosmio eyediosmio
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 12:58 pm

    And if you guys have never read this article – it’s an old one – but every time I see his face I remember this article and I SHUDDER

    http://www.latimes.com/features/la-tm-gonewild32aug06,0,6367343.story

  13. 13
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 1:26 pm

    Can’t even finish that article and didn’t realize I drove by it every day omw to work.

    Le Puke.

  14. 14
    sagittariuskim sagittariuskim
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 2:39 pm

    I’m starting to like Marta, I felt so bad for her this episode. Seeing the way Joanna talked to her, made me really appreciate my sister. And the whole thing with Joe Francis and her was the creepiest thing of the night. Second was the Dayse and Marta stuff.

    I’m liking Marysol more and more. And I loved the clip of her talking about what Elsa would do if she was there.

    I’m starting to think there’s something wrong with Karent’s facial muscles. Who grins like that all the time?

  15. 15
    featherhead
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 4:16 pm

    Karent looks like a chimp to me, did you catch her eyeing that banana Joanna was eating?
    Joanna totally deserved that punch to the face. I watched a sneak peek where Adriana is telling Alexis about the fight and they showed a clip where you can clearly see Joanna grabbing Adriana by the shoulder. If you chase after someone (who is clearly removing themselves from the situation) to talk more shit – you deserve to get hit.

  16. 16
    annie anniedawg25
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 4:26 pm

    I’ve also heard Janelle (from Big Brother) and Beau are friends, Jannelle is friends with Joanna through Mynt…..the connections just keep coming, I guess.

    “The Christening” (shudders!) yes, this was just as much a shitstorm as that thing was!
    So in the future, what shall we refer to this as? “The Boobie Party” “The Lingerie Fiasco”, “The Bitch Slap heard ‘Round the World?”

    I also do like Marysol more and more, she is pretty chill compared to these insane bimbos.

  17. 17
    msjacqmills
    Posted November 2, 2012 at 7:30 am

    Why does that pig, Joe Francis, talk like Thursten B. Howell, III?

    And, Adriana screaming “Butt off! Butt off!” Just cracked me up.

  18. 18
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted November 3, 2012 at 1:44 pm

    @featherhead : You made the exact point I was going to…Adriana (giant bitch though she is) was WALKING AWAY…wat a mature human being does when things are getting out of hand and they are not sure if their temper will handle it. So while I dislike violence AND Adriana, I find it hard to fault her. Here. For this. Only. Not for anything else. Ever.

    Marysol and Ana are soooo awesome.

    While I’ve never been a huge Romain fan because he’s a just touch too controlling and very cold, I think he tried his best this episode. He really, really needs to leave the immature psycho lush.

    Aaaand with that I am done commenting, and since the new recap is up (I have to watch the ep today) not a soul will read this. But dammit I feel better :-D

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