RHOM Recap: EEEAAAIIOOOUUUUU!

Recaps

By Alejandra | Saturday, November 3, 2012 | 1:14 am | 16 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Real Housewives of Miami, Recaps

Previously: some stuff happened, some other stuff happened, Joe Francis appeared and then girls started behaving like assholes.  Coincidence?

It’s the day after Lisa’s party and everyone is still spinning from the drama of last night.  Everyone except Lea, that is.  Lea’s busy prepping for the Black’s Annual Gala, and she looks way more believable in the charity maven role than Lisa did.  Don’t worry, Lisa, you’ll get there. 

Lea’s at the Fountainbleu overseeing the setup, VOing about how difficult it is to keep 800 people happy in a ballroom, so she finds Norman Baker, an energy/color reader she’s hired to balance the energy of the party so there’s no drama.  I kind of get the sense that Lea’s gala is the only part of her life she’s a little on the fence about having on the show.  More than once this episode she references the fact that there are people attending this party who would not… embrace, shall we say, the type of drama that was present at Lisa’s party and is so prevalent at Real Housewives events.  I like to call these people, “legitimate people,” or “smart people,” or “old money.” 

Then again, Lea does have this guy there, so maybe my read on her is totally off base. 

We represeeeent…

Gasmii, meet Norman Baker.  He’s an energy/color reader and Roy has risen in my estimation by considering him looney tunes.  Norman’s job is essentially to rub bowls with a stick and openmouthed hum a lot.  To quote Ana, “You can’t write this shit.”  Well, you can, it’s just called “bad writing.”  Norman is the happiest elf who ever did live, and I would be, too, if I’d managed to run a long con as successfully as he has.  Lea walks him around the Foutainbleu where he blesses a bunch of things by just pretending he doesn’t’ have a tongue.  I’d make a joke about him not knowing how to read, but he clearly knows his vowels.

They bless the auction items, which include a ticket to the Playboy Mansion Halloween Party, a bunch of nice cars and other stuff that now has Norman’s spittle on it.  According to Lea, they’re sitting pretty with the preparations, and I believe her if she has time to lead around a magical elf.

Elsewhere, Adriana visits the DSW that resides in Alexia’s house and proceeds to give Alexia the lowdown on what happened the night before.  Of course Adriana is the victim of a coward (Karen’t) and a psycho (Joanna) and Romain.  The way she tells it, she pulled Karen’t aside to have a talk away from everybody else, but Karen’t didn’t want to move the conversation out of the kitchen.  Alexia rolls her eyes and snits that Karen’t knew she was in the doghouse and didn’t want to move away from the safety zone.  No shit, can you blame her?  Adriana relays Karen’t’s insistence that the article was largely fabricated and then describes Joanna as a crazed blond Amazon who insinuated herself into the conversation uninvited, followed closely by Romain.  Okay, that part’s totally accurate.  Adriana accuses Joanna of namecalling, finger-giving and shoulder grabbing, all of which culminated in Adriana being forced to slappunch the model in the face.

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About

Alejandra lives in Los Angeles and is an actor/writer/producer of opinions.  She loves the beach, but never goes, and hates reality stars, but follows them religiously.  In addition to TVGasm, you can read her writing at the online magazine DigN2It, or various fanfiction websites if you're industrious enough to find her.  If you're not industrious at all, a bottle of fine wine will always be an acceptable bribe.

16 Comments

  1. 1
    polk8dot
    Posted November 3, 2012 at 12:57 pm

    Elsa getting ‘possessed by Norman’s SECOND spirit’ was hysterical!!! This woman in pure gold, and I just can’t forgive Bravo for not giving her more screen time with that dimwit.
    Leah – still an ASSHOLE. And now, in addition, lost ANY shreds of respect I might have still had for her. Really, Lea? This fricking Oompa-Loompa? This is your spiritual guru??? I realize that everything else she does, at least on the show, is done half-jokingly, but I am convinced that in this case she was totally serious. Why else would she expose herself to derision and laughter for letting this little con artist wrap her around his finger? She’s got no credibility left. I would love to know what Freda thinks of him – isn’t he poaching on her territory? I bet that were it up to her, she would have smacked him upside the head and kicked him out the front gate, then smacked Lea, too, for her stupidity. Mercy!
    Adriana – this woman is pure HATE personified. And she is also a total COWARD!!! I can appreciate people who do something I don’t agree with, as long as they stand by their words and deeds. She is a complete shit; one of those who takes no responsibility for anything they do, and always, ALWAYS finds a way to shift the blame to someone else, even if it means denying her own actions. I hate that. She’s shown herself to be a classless wannabe, who created a history about herself in her own head, and totally sold it to herself as truth. Too bad everybody else can see right thru it, bitch. Also, there were cameras there, so we can see the tape too, dumbass.

  2. 2
    Holyterror
    Posted November 3, 2012 at 2:05 pm

    Joanna’s not doing herself any good by texting Romaine in the middle of a gala — that’s the kind of thing that sounds really DRUNK when you receive it.

  3. 3
    christine
    Posted November 3, 2012 at 2:36 pm

    forgive me if you can, but I’m totally Team Lea. Forever and ever, she can do no wrong. She knows Norman is nuts…for heaven’s sake, she COLLECTS them!

    I’d like to know more about Mama Elsa myself, mainly what the circumstances were that led to her facial situation. Did I say that politely? Trying to. Maybe I missed an explanation in a previous episode, or last season, but truly…what happened? Couldn’t she see the future and that face staring back at her? She found the wrong plastic surgeon in that box of sand.

  4. 4
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted November 3, 2012 at 8:16 pm

    While I’ve never been a huge Romain fan (as I’ve mentioned before) because he’s a just touch too controlling and rather cold, I seriously hope that he’s done with the cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs “supermodel”.

    I don’t know why they keep calling her that!? Supermodels work with Emilio Pucci and Lanvin and Estee Lauder…they don’t do (at least not consistently) shoots in magazines of questionable caliber. Heidi Klum = supermodel; Miranda Kerr = supermodel; Joanna Krupa = sexy swimsuit/lingerie/etc model (but she has done a damn fine job making modeling a living), NOT supermodel.

  5. 5
    itsallok
    Posted November 3, 2012 at 10:30 pm

    RHoM is lifting scripts from movies. (Plays). The 2-parter had me hating ka-Rent big time, her coniviving had me thinking of \Little Shop of Horrors\ and the song \ be a dentist\ . This week Norman, the weirdo was straight out of \A Mighty Wind\.

    I can’t link , but you tube gets you there.

  6. 6
    Holyterror
    Posted November 4, 2012 at 12:07 pm

    I’d have walked right up and cracked at least one of Norman’s pots.

    Watching people politely tolerate him was absolutely excruciating.

  7. 7
    Stuffed
    Posted November 4, 2012 at 3:46 pm

    Not to be a forum nazi, but i do believe the term “supermodel” refers to how much money a model makes and how well known she is, whether it’s Haute Couture or within a commercial area. :) Regardless of which, Jo has some serious anger issues. Her insecurities, probably stemming from her relationship, causes this displaced anger i would guess. Same goes for Adriana, she just does not seem like a genuinely happy person to me. I like them both though, with their flaws and all..but Adriana it’s time to stop the dramatic black hair. A softer more mature look would do you wonders ( as would a more mature attitude)

  8. 8
    labowner
    Posted November 5, 2012 at 12:19 pm

    I am so upset Bravo is trying to take this franchise down the NJ road. I want to like all these chickees.

    Joanna you have issues. No wonder you get a long with KarenT. Lea sets up the seating charts. She put Joe Francis and Adriana at the same table. Take your issues to her. I bet you are too afraid to go against her.

    We could all learn a lesson from Elsa. She didn’t care there was competition – she just took over and owned the situation without making a scene.

  9. 9
    Marguerite
    Posted November 5, 2012 at 10:06 pm

    @Christine,

    During a Season 1 episode of RHoM (I can’t remember which one specifically), Marysol told Elsa’s story about what happened to her face. Elsa was extremely beautiful when she was younger, but in the 60s, she started to get plastic surgery to maintain her looks. Marysol said that one of the plastic surgeons Elsa went to (for the first and last time) injected her with silicone which migrated from the site for which the filler was intended, as the injections were performed totally wrong. Since then, as a result, Elsa has been getting follow-up reconstructive procedures to fix the extensive damage that the silicone did to her face.

    I do not know what reconstructive procedures she subsequently had done, but topically observing her face, I think that the reconstructive procedures only could do so much to rectify the devastation caused by the incorrect silicone injection.

  10. 10
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted November 6, 2012 at 5:29 am

    Thanks @ Marguerite

  11. 11
    labowner
    Posted November 6, 2012 at 10:52 am

    I must say Elsa’s face seems to be softening or I am getting used to it.

  12. 12
    labowner
    Posted November 6, 2012 at 4:12 pm

    Are they doubling up the episodes this week as I saw the ad for Sunday’s show.

  13. 13
    jp
    Posted November 7, 2012 at 11:40 am

    Plastic surgery in the 60s sounds risky to me. I do love Elsa though, she scared me at first but she is really awesome. Her daughter is pretty cool most of the time too. I liked her description of standing in the corner doing shots and then looking up to see a fight.

    Ad and Jo are both crazy in their own way and both seem very angry on the inside. I never thought that someone as perfect seeming as Jo could be this nuts but I am sure there is a saying about pretty people somewhere that could explain that for me.

  14. 14
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted November 7, 2012 at 2:43 pm

    Sorry, @Stuffed, but I must disagree.

    Merriam-Webster and the Free Online Dictionary define supermodel as: “An extremely successful and internationally famous fashion model.”

    Jo is not quite an “internationally known fashion model”, unless half naked, PETA, and bikini shoots count lol.

    Totally not trying to be a pain in the ass, either, so you know :-) It’s just as a fashion fanatic it irks me to no end to hear that temperamental monster called a “supermodel”!

  15. 15
    susanb
    Posted November 12, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    Didn’t Pricella Presley have that same thing done to her by some Argentinin Doc. She thought she was getting something better than botox and got industrial grade silicon. She certainly could have had work done at a reputable surgeon in the US. Can’t imagine why she would do that. She was really lovely and now she looks like wax left in the sun or something. Horrible and unfixable.

  16. 16
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted November 13, 2012 at 5:52 pm

    @Alejandra I’m mad at Adriana too. And for the same reasons as you. Joanna’s just a bikini model that doesn’t even have enough sense to know she’s got a pretty enough mouth she doesn’t have to pay $ to get it turned it into a pool toy.

    Adriana’s a hot mess. But she’s got reasons. And started out as a mujer mas o menos decente that had some home training. Not to mention she’s got a brain. She just learned at a young age that’s not what people gave a fuck about. Kind of like happened with Charo. That’s secretly been 1 of the best classical guitarists alive for 300 yrs or something.

    I’m also mad at her because I said I couldn’t defend her slapping Joanna no matter what. And now it turns out Joanna put her hands on Adriana 1st. From behind. While Adriana was trying to get away from her. And drunk.

    So I can’t be on Joanna’s side of the fight part. If somebody grabs you from behind when you’re drunk there’s no way to prove it wasn’t a reflex. Which is how come you shouldn’t go grabbing drunk people from behind. Except Joanna doesn’t have enough sense to know that. For being dumb as a box of hair related reasons.

    Anyway Bravo needs to give Norman a regular job being on every episode of all the Housewives shows. He’d be great on RHNJ, following Teresa around chanting “double Vishnu to you” at her. He could be her and Midge’s new physical therapist!

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